My neighbor 'B'

[PepperedIssy]

So I have a neighbor, never talk to them, but they've come over when I've been lounging around with a different neighbor. I felt weird about not being able to identify them though as they came over, so later I asked my neighbor if they were male or female. Neighbor said female, talked a bit about it, and I was like "but wait..!", because things just didn't seem to match up in my head. I'm also going to just simply wave, and say sorry for questioning, in case this person by any chance is on these forums. So let's go over it..

My neighbor goes by a letter, not a name, so I only know them as the letter 'B'. Blind guy I talked to about it (my neighbor), well, he has a bit of a pass, he pretty much can't see, and the voice is deep enough to be believable for either sex, also wears baggy clothes, and a shaved head. I thought at first glance it was a young guy with moobs ('scuse me), but then I questioned and was like "or is it?" Turns out, 'B' likes to be referred to by male pronouns, but just identifies as a lesbian to others. I don't know 'B' aside from a casual hi & bye, so I don't feel like asking.

I also feel if I asked, that may be a bit troublesome in itself. It really seems to be the case, but it just seems a little confusing with the whole lesbian thing. I have felt at one time to talk to them, see what they say and if they really are FtM, well I don't know. But is this actually normal? Is it just easier this way, or something? Or could 'B' just be a bit of an oddball lesbian? 

If it's true, I feel I can only really look from the sidelines and hope they're not struggling with the issues. I really don't want to bring more troubles to their doorstep. I also don't want to bring up odd conversation if they really are content, suddenly have to be like "ohh I left my parrot in the oven.. bai!" and skedaddle real awkwardly.

[Ms Grace]

I wouldn't worry about it. If B wants you to know the deal they will tell you. They're a person, that's all that matters. In the meantime maybe cultivate a friendship, tell them about yourself if you want but don't expect a reciprocal spilling of the beans.

[PepperedIssy]

Alas, they are an elusive beast. I've only seen them months back, since then only time I think I've seen them is when they were howling drunk. Not a big fan of drunk people. I realize everyone is a person, but after being very cruel to a MtF in the past, I have had quite a conviction (my own issues aside, though helpful) on using the right pronouns, but with all the confusion circulating around 'B', it's a little frustrating for me. I am sure it is no surprise to anyone, it's sometimes hard to tell what somebody is by looking at them. I also feel, "okay, my neighbor says they prefer to be called he", but what if my neighbor is just telling me nonsense because he's constantly baked out of his mind? I'm afraid to do something wrong! 

[overdrive]

If you're interested in getting to know them, then do so. You'll likely get an idea as how they identify, maybe by being around them in a crowd by hearing how people refer to them. Until then use neutral pronouns like "they".  If you have no interest in getting to know them as a person to really find out, that's up to you but use neutral anyways and just accept you not only may never know, but it really isn't a concern of yours if you have no intentions of getting to know them anyways.