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what is your reason for RLE to be valid or invalid

Started by stephaniec, February 16, 2014, 02:18:59 PM

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stephaniec

do you have a rationale for RLE, real life experience, to be a valid or invalid means for determining whether or not this is truly what you want for your life. Just curious because there's such strong view points involved maybe some rationale for the view points would help in understanding. I know I can some what "pass" with enough proper make up , so it doesn't really phase me one way or the other. Even if I don't totally pass my attitude is That it's my health my life and I do what is needed to be done. So, given the opportunity to go at your own pace and jump in when your ready does it make sense on any level to try living the way your going to be living the rest of your life in order judge whether or not an operation of this magnitude is right for you. Maybe there are people who would be happy just to have the operation and still live totally male, I don't know. It seems like if you could do it at your own pace when your ready it doesn't seem it should be a big deal. I mean no harm to any one just trying to understand better.
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petunia

I think rle is important in giving someone a taste of what life will be like. It likely won't show the whole picture, but it beats just jumping in with both feet and getting everything done before you even know if you can or really want to live as your target sex.

It doesn't eliminate regretters, but I think it can help make it less likely for those who do end up fully transitioning, whether they get srs or not.

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Sybil

That's a complicated question.

RLE for GRS (I mostly support this):

In the vast majority of cases, I think this is a good thing. Most people who want to have GRS have a desire to live as that genital configuration's typically associated gender. Seeing as those two desires are closely entwined, it's best to see if the more easily changeable one, socialization - which doesn't necessarily rely on having the desired genital configuration - is agreeable to that person before undergoing something both expensive and permanent.

However, there are some people who have no desire to transition to a new gender, but want the surgery. I am a strong believer in personal freedom with the body; I don't think GRS is only for people who are afflicted with a gender identity issue. RLE is a gate keeper to these rare, but very real, people.

RLE for HRT (I do not support this):

I think it's valid for a small minority of people on the basis that they have a deeply gross misinterpretation of life as they desire it, but I think it's invalid for most people. Here's a list of my reasons:

-It's an unrealistic representation of potential life for a lot of people. You cannot RLE FFS, GRS, HRT, etc. RLE at a pre-everything stage would only give someone a representation of how the world interacts with them pre-everything, not how the world would interact with them where they intend to be.

-Life could stay essentially the same for some people. Someone might dress unisex. Someone might want to be a girl who dresses like a boy, or a boy who dresses like a girl. The lines for a person's transition are blurry and not as clear cut as HRT RLE would like to have them.

-It could unrealistically scare someone away. Someone who could potentially deal with social life after FFS/HRT could be bullied out of it by going in with a fairly vacant transition toolset. This could lead to a myriad of other issues, such as depression and suicide.

-It can be dangerous. People in more violent areas -- or even just a RLE subject with a very bad turn of luck -- could find themselves the subject of violence, given how much they stand out.
Why do I always write such incredibly long posts?
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petunia

Just to be clear, I didn't mention hrt in my earlier post as I see no need for rle before hrt. Its only required by those doctors that are still using outdated guidelines and seem to not care or possibly even want their patients to get a taste of what real humiliation is like. I never entertained the thought of rle before hrt and none of my doctors suggested it either.
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Sybil

I modified my post for you, Petunia. From what I've heard, RLE for HRT is still pretty common in many countries, like the UK and (I think, but I'm not certain) Australia. I know it's mandated in several countries where you would absolutely expect them to be more supportive. I live in the U.S., so I don't keep up with it terribly well.
Why do I always write such incredibly long posts?
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RosieD

I live in the UK.  RLE is necessary (3 months) before you can access any treatment.  I am sorry but the question makes no sense.  Over here hou either do RLE and get access to the rest of the treatment or you don't.  Note that despite anything I may have thought and/or said earlier in my transition I do not necessarily think this is a bad thing.

Rosie.
Well that was fun! What's next?
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Lauren5

My 2 months so far off RLE are invalid because no hormones yet, but that isn't my fault.
Invalid as I don't believe they go toward the 1 year RLE requirement for SRS. Which wouldn't happen for another 15 months or so in the first place.

EDIT: that and my friends and I are the only ones who acknowledge me as female so it really doesn't feel like RLE anyways, with everyone calling me sir, bro, dude, etc.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
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Danielle Emmalee

RLE should be where you live as you are going to live, and should be for you alone and not to prove to some doctor or therapist.  There shouldn't be rules about what RLE consists of because it's your life and it's going to be your life so it should be real.  I don't know if I'm making any sense.
Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

Discord, are we your prey alone,
Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
Discord, we won't take it anymore
So take your tyranny away!
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mrs izzy

It all comes down to your therapist. They are the ones who say you have a valid RLE. So check with your therapist and ask them what they need to validate your RLE.

Me i think it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. To get out and live as you 24/7. It also gives you the time to get your name changed and other paperwork changed over to your new gender.

RLT is not really a test, it is really you just starting you new gender role before GCS.

Isabell
Mrs. Izzy
Trans lifeline US 877-565-8860 CAD 877-330-6366 http://www.translifeline.org/
"Those who matter will never judge, this is my given path to walk in life and you have no right to judge"

I used to be grounded but now I can fly.
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Jill F

I certainly didn't go full time because someone said I had to.   I went full time because I wanted to and was able.

The good news is that in just 2 more weeks I will have my walking papers in hand.
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stephaniec

Quote from: Jill F on February 16, 2014, 06:01:24 PM
I certainly didn't go full time because someone said I had to.   I went full time because I wanted to and was able.

The good news is that in just 2 more weeks I will have my walking papers in hand.
good luck
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Annabelle

What?! Australia needs RLE to start hrt? Oh my god I will never be able to pass as I am now :(
Boo~

12-5-2014 start of hrt.
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kelly_aus

Quote from: Annabelle on February 17, 2014, 01:51:21 AM
What?! Australia needs RLE to start hrt? Oh my god I will never be able to pass as I am now :(

Ahh.. Nope..
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ConfusedHumanUK

Quote from: H, H, H, Honeypot! on February 16, 2014, 03:05:54 PM
I live in the UK.  RLE is necessary (3 months) before you can access any treatment.  I am sorry but the question makes no sense.  Over here hou either do RLE and get access to the rest of the treatment or you don't.  Note that despite anything I may have thought and/or said earlier in my transition I do not necessarily think this is a bad thing.

Rosie.

Under the new protocol RLE is no longer required before HRT in the UK.
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Missy~rmdlm

I have no real objection to RLT/RLE, which is in my past. I was a little annoyed that my psychologist was particular about the start date she would recognize, (somewhat after legal name change, work change and full notification of all relatives.) In my full transition case so be it, but that wouldn't work very well for variety of other people.
I was full-time-except-work well before the actual start of my RLE. I had no issues during my year of RLE, or since of ever wishing for a different situation.
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Mary81

Quote from: Caysee Danielle on February 16, 2014, 04:44:26 PM
RLE should be where you live as you are going to live, and should be for you alone and not to prove to some doctor or therapist.  There shouldn't be rules about what RLE consists of because it's your life and it's going to be your life so it should be real.  I don't know if I'm making any sense.

My opinion exactly. I think RLE is valuable so long as it is primarily for yourself. There are so many modes of female expression and no one should be allowed to say which one we need to experience so that we can access hormones or surgery. This always makes me think about my sister in law: she is GG but doesn't shave her legs, wear feminine clothing or put on make up. But she would get very upset if someone described her as masculine. 
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jebee

I dont get this problem with the RLE its a absolute necessity. I don't know about the USA but changing your name in the Uk takes about 10 minutes and costs next to nothing. , , people are afraid of taking abuse, well pro tip if you cant handle being shouted and and abused in the street, this probably isn't for you, I have taken a lot of abuse over the years, though i must admit after having ffs its almost completely stopped. I mean you are going to be doing this for the rest of your life any way, i was already living full time when i first went to the gender clinique.

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jebee

Quote from: Annabelle on February 17, 2014, 01:51:21 AM
What?! Australia needs RLE to start hrt? Oh my god I will never be able to pass as I am now :(
i don't think HRT will change that. No one passes when they first come out.. its part of the journey. Im 30 now and have been out since i was 19, its only recently i pass pretty much.
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TaoRaven

Honestly, I see it as a goal, and a part of a natural progression of transition. It should take place after enough HRT and other measures have been taken to ensure a reasonable passability.

I for one want to be able to go "full time" ASAP....so badly that it hurts. That is the whole point of my transition...to be ME, and to be able to live as the woman I am. As soon as I can pass I will enter this phase for the rest of my life. That will be my "RLE"; My life.

I don't feel that someone should be forced to do this before they are ready. It is a very personal thing, and it can be quite dangerous if one does not pass, as we sadly see in the news occasionally. Forcing someone to endanger their life and endure ridicule and abuse to "prove" that they deserve and are ready for treatment is barbaric and wrong.

AS far as being a requirement for GRS, I honestly feel that anyone with the money and the desire should be able to modify their own body in any way that they want. IMO, society's regulations and rules end where my skin starts.
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jebee

Quote from: TaoRaven on February 17, 2014, 09:24:27 AM
Honestly, I see it as a goal, and a part of a natural progression of transition. It should take place after enough HRT and other measures have been taken to ensure a reasonable passability.

I for one want to be able to go "full time" ASAP....so badly that it hurts. That is the whole point of my transition...to be ME, and to be able to live as the woman I am. As soon as I can pass I will enter this phase for the rest of my life. That will be my "RLE"; My life.

I don't feel that someone should be forced to do this before they are ready. It is a very personal thing, and it can be quite dangerous if one does not pass, as we sadly see in the news occasionally. Forcing someone to endanger their life and endure ridicule and abuse to "prove" that they deserve and are ready for treatment is barbaric and wrong.

AS far as being a requirement for GRS, I honestly feel that anyone with the money and the desire should be able to modify their own body in any way that they want. IMO, society's regulations and rules end where my skin starts.

Life is dangerous. You are going to get abuse, no way will you be able to pass at first, if you cant put yourself through that then like i said this might not be for you.
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