Has any MtF ever taken Testosterone?

[Jenniferinutah]

Hi everyone,
I am a 45 yo Male who has always consider himself a Crossdresser with TS leanings.  I went in for a checkup recently
and was shocked to discover that my T levels were very low. So I started on Testosterone shots. Well in doing so the
T has increased my Dysphoria feelings 10 fold. I am finding myself obsessed with all things Transgendered. My sexdrive
is also Through the roof. My wife is very accepting of my female side. Has anyone else had this experiance? I am now
contemplating stopping the T and trying Low dose E just to calm my mind. With the T i also have found myself confused
and disoriented in my male skin. It is hard to explain but I am very confused and could use some words of advice.
Thanx in Advance,
Jenn

[Hikari]

On the question of the thread title; I have known some post op MTF women who took small levels of T. The idea was to stay in the female range of T, which even in an endocrine system dominated by estrogen, testosterone certainly has an effect on libido, and that might factor into peoples choices.

In your situation I wonder if the Testosterone shots had some aromatization into estrogen. As odd as it sounds, it is possible to take T and end up with high levels of E and T though this process. It is just a theory, but it might help explain the increase in dysphoia alongside all of the effects of T. I am sure someone with more understanding could explain it better or come up with a better theory.

[Jill F]

I have not, but I know someone who has.  At about age 30, her testes suddenly shut down and was diagnosed with hypogonadism after her wife noticed "personality changes" and a lack of libido.  The testosterone shots caused her dysphoria to go through the roof, and major depression ensued.  The good news was she never needed AAs after this event triggered her transition.

[RobinGee]

Maybe I'm crazy but I've looked into what causes natural increases in Testosterone in biologically male systems.  About 75-90% of them are things which tend to precede a really bad day for me.  I think that for some MAABs there is an anomalous relationship with testosterone's mental effects.

My current dysphoria, which is worse than any I've had before, kicked off when I lost a bit of weight while strength training, both of which are known to increase testosterone.

[Jill F]

Maybe I'm crazy but I've looked into what causes natural increases in Testosterone in biologically male systems.  About 75-90% of them are things which tend to precede a really bad day for me.  I think that for some MAABs there is an anomalous relationship with testosterone's mental effects.

My current dysphoria, which is worse than any I've had before, kicked off when I lost a bit of weight while strength training, both of which are known to increase testosterone.

My therapist told me that her typical new MTF client is about 40 and recently lost a significant amount of weight.

I can think back to where my dysphoria was the worst, and it all seemed to coincide with when I had the least body fat and most muscle mass.  When I was really overweight, the dysphoria was being kept at bay, but after I lost 50+ pounds it got bad.  Then I put on 25 pounds of solid beefcake muscle and it got HORRIBLE.  My beautiful long hair was coming out in clumps and I wanted to alternately cry and drink.  My wife thought I was sexier than ever apart from the MPB, but I just wanted to smash every mirror in the house and empty my bar.  Then there was that little voice in my head that got louder and louder, to the point where it constantly screamed "SEX CHANGE!!!"

[RobinGee]

I lost 40 lbs while gaining a bunch of muscle, especially on my shoulders and upper back.
I'm still depressed 18 months later.

And my hair started thinning.

[Stella Stanhope]

Sorry to hear that Jill andRobin :-( Tough times, indeed. I hope things are better for you both now?

As for your question Jenn, I haven't taken Testosterone shots. But I was given steroid tablets (of which testosterone is apparently, classed as, as well as being an androgen), when I was 13 in order to speed-up my puberty and kick-start my height growth, as I was lagging behind the rest of the boys. I have absolutely no idea to this day whether this has been part of my being transgender, but I did have my first dream where I woke up & looked female, shortly after beginning the tablets. I started crossdressing when I was 14, which started around half a year after I stopped taking the medication and I started to catch-up with my peers. I'd love to know whether this had something to do with it, as well! (as a side-note I am glad they gave me the steroids even if they did trigger cross-dressing and dysphoria, as I would have been seriously height stunted and probably infertile if I hadn't had taken the drugs).

Most recently, in late 2011, I seemed toe xperience a very sudden and random masculinisation spurt, whereby I put on more muscle, my skin got oilier and thicker, my body hair became thicker and darker, and my hair shed all at once (yep, in big clumps) to be replaced by very thin and brittle hair and a receeding hairline. This happened over a period of a month, and was pretty scary. I also noticed I felt agitated all the time, and a strange sense of unease. Once again, no definitive proof that this is biologically connected with the dysphoria, but it certainly focused my attention on my body and what felt wrong. It triggered me into action to seeking professional help with the NHS.

I should imagine that a brain wired for the other hormone would be essentially fried by being run on the other hormone, so I guess its perfectly logical to theorize that sudden rises in testosterone could have serious emotional and mental effects, which could uncover previously repressed gender issues.

Women's natural cycles produce fluctuating hormones as we know, and these have clear effects on many women, most of which are negative and very much not appreciated. Cis-normative males experiencing low testosterone also report detrimental effects and emotional and mental disturbances. So, Yep, I'd reckon that its very possible that a rise in T can trigger dysphoria, and a sort of self-destruct-sequence, whereby the person knows they can't go on anymore in their current male form.

I just wish there was more scientific evidence, darn it! To stick it in the face of society and provide peace of mind to trans* individuals.

[Alexmakenoise]

Weighing in from the opposite perspective just for fun.  I've been on and off of hormonal birth control since I was 18.  When I was on it, my dysphoria would go away, but it also caused severe depression and anxiety.  More recently, it started causing adverse physical side effects too, so taking it isn't even an option anymore.  It really didn't agree with me.

[Carrie Liz]

Wow... I never thought of that before. My dysphoria was AWFUL as a teenager, then eased up as I gained weight all the way up to 286 lbs in my 20s. Then I lost a significant amount of weight, all the way down to 236, and the dysphoria came back with a vengeance, until I couldn't handle it anymore and decided to transition. Interesting correlation.

[Jill F]

Body fat boosts estrogen levels, which make MTFs less dysphoric.

Muscle boosts testosterone levels, which in turn boosts muscle and so on.   

I found out the hard way what a testosterone spike does for me mentally.

[RobinGee]

I got arrested. 

[Julie1957]

My T levels were very low (below 100) and the doctor put me on testosterone.  It made me feel anxious and angry and like you, it made my dysphoria really bad.  I finally couldn't handle how T made me feel and I quit.  I asked the doctor what problems my natural low T would cause and he suggested that I watch for bone density loss.  Other than that I'm much better without T.

Lori

[helen2010]

Before I connected the dots and understood my cross dressing/GD and it's cause, my T levels dropped right off, I had low energy and I started to develop gynocomastia, tender breasts, sore nipples and a clear discharge.   The Doc and endo  prescribed first androgel and then T shots.  My dysphoria dramatically escalated.

Funnily enough I then saw a Psych who helped me understand that the cross dressing was not a fetish so much as a cover for severe GD.  He referred me to the same endo who had prescribed my T.  He saw the funny side of this and started me on hrt providing instant relief from GD!

Just another twist and turn in my journey so far.

Safe travels.

Aisla

[RobinGee]

Part of me wants to get my t checked and try t-supplementation as a weird lark just to see .  I'd definitely find an endo who prescribes mtf hrt too just to be weird.  ;-)

[Eva Marie]

About 20 years ago, before I knew about any of my transgender issues - I used to lift weights, and as the weight lifting community is prone to do there are certain....... chemicals..... that help boost T. At the time these chemicals were perfectly legal to buy and take (it's a felony now to be caught with them), so I took them to see what the buzz was all about, and they indeed boosted my T levels. Eventually my legs would not fit into my jeans because they were so muscular and big, and picking up 50lb bags of fertilizer was child's play. My shoulders and upper body were huge. I ate like a horse.

I did *not* like the way I felt with that much T running through my system. Being constantly horny was annoying. Being constantly on the edge and prone to fits of rage was not pleasant. Looking that muscular set off alarm bells in my head for reasons I did not understand yet.

Being pumped full of the wrong chemical for my brain was the exact wrong thing to do. I was very, very unhappy and could not say why. Add the rage issues and you had better not cross me or we were gonna fight.

E is a much smoother ride 

[Skyler (^~^)]

Years of natural testosterone is enough for me thank you very much.

[ErinWDK]

I was prescribed Androgel (i.e., Testosterone).  Up to that point I didn't know I was MtF - or whatever I am - but it sure set off GID.  This has sent me into therapy and I will see where it comes out.  The T also set off a lot of medical complications, saying my body doesn't like it.

I have enough body fat that my total E (E1 and E2 - that is what the GP would test for) is in the normal cis-female range.  The times I have dropped a lot of weight I have had more what I now realize was GID and ended up crossdressing to compensate.  I need to drop weight for medical reasons and hopefully I can get some E to hold things together.

Yes, this thread dragged me out of my lurking status...

Erin

[Michelle123]

I would never take T directly.  I play with herbs though that increase T or are phyto-estrogens.    I tend to be heavy on the phytoestrogen side, but sometimes take so much that I lose my sex drive completely and will take something like maca to boost T.   Always trying to find the right balance but predominantly phytoestrogens is usually the answer for me.