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bullying while growing up?

Started by danielle28, February 18, 2014, 06:03:51 PM

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danielle28

I'm wondering how many of my fellow sisters were a bullied growing up? I was bullied and made fun of constantly growing up.  I was made fun of for having breasts that were bigger than some of the girls. Kids constantly made fun of me and told me I should be wearing a bra. So one day I went out and bought one and  I couldn't believe it that it fit.  I guessed the size perfectly. Maybe they were right. I bought a dress and it fit . I found peace and happiness because i was that little girl who needed a bra and dress. I loved wearing them. I loved feeling so feminine and free. I just did not realize it at the time. I was definitely transgender long before grade school  I knew at probably 4 years old that I was different. It took me along time to heal from all the horrible things that happened.  I am well on my way now to being me with no masks.Hugs Danielle
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April Lee

Yes, I was bullied some, but not to the extent that it really wounded me. As a teenager, I became a nerd and quiet loner, and learned how not to get noticed. After that, they left me alone for the most part. When I started college, I got a job on the graveyard shift of an all night super market. The stock crew was composed of some pretty tough guys, and I quickly learned that if I didn't become exactly like that, I would become road kill. So I learned how to at least act tough. I learned how to swear like a sailor, and make obnoxious remarks when a pretty girl walked in the store. If only those guys knew what I was really thinking. Anyway, it sort of worked, even though I knew I was acting.
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Missy~rmdlm

Yes, savagely. I dropped out of school and have been bitter since, though I have survived.
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Tristan

I know I was bullied until I was 12 and feel out if the closet. Then things got a lot better . With the exceptions of high school girl world. That was a challenge at times
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Ashley Allison

I was just thinking about this today (obviously not having a good day if I am thinking about this from decades ago).  I remember always being picked on for being so sensitive, which would only get me more teary eyed and then hence being more picked on.  There was some mixture of physical violence in there, with me never fighting back and trying to find a way to escape.  Looking back on it it was a very turbulent time in this regard, the bullying from when I was 6-14 years old.  It got me thinking Danielle, when you talked about having female physical traits at that young of an age, about my own situation.  It was true that, especially my emotionality and some social personality trait, was more on the female end of the stereotypical gender spectrum.  This and some of my early childhood fantasies, I believe, were a prelude to the gender dysphoria I experience today.       
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free
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Jill F

Mercilessly.  It was bad from ages 6 through 15.  It was worst in 8th grade when I literally had zero friends and just wanted to die from the anxiety and depression.   Not to mention getting pummeled on almost a daily basis.  One day I came literally seconds from snapping and taking a bully's head off in gym class with an aluminum bat while he wasn't looking during a testosterone moment.

I did my best to turn it around in 9th grade, and people mostly left me the hell alone after I had grown a few inches over the summer and showed everyone by loosening the front teeth of the first bully I encountered on the first period of the first day in front of the entire class while the teacher went into the stockroom.  He later lost the teeth in another incident.

In 10th grade I was suspended for punching a bully in the face for trying to pick a fight with me in the middle of English class.  I was never bullied again.  By this time I was 6 feet tall, 185 pounds and raging full of testosterone and had learned how to fight.
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stephaniec

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Satinjoy

Mercilessly, psychologically, and still working it though with the shrink.  Serious damage, part of why I stay stealth.
Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the red pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the little blue pills - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes

Sh'e took the little blue ones.
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Natalia

A few "friends" I had back there when I was around 10-12 years old really mocked me because of my breasts... I remember very well how I used to run away from them and they were always pursuing me to give a few squeezes on my breasts. That was a sexual abuse. If I was a girl, then I could say "the boys were grabbing my boobs", but as a boy I felt embarassed of saying anything and I kept it to myself for years.

But overall I was always the chosen one. The one that everyone chooses to bully and make jokes. I grew very lonely because of this and I enclosed myself in a shell where no one could hurt me...the shell only broke last year.
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Danielle Emmalee

Yep.  No idea why.  Nobody seemed to specify why they had a problem with me, at least that I can remember.
Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

Discord, are we your prey alone,
Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
Discord, we won't take it anymore
So take your tyranny away!
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danielle28

Missy, I too was savagely bullied.In 8th grade I left school during the middle of the day and went home. my parents called the school and NOT one of the kids apologized or was disciplined by the school.I could not wait to get out of there. I have forgiven those who bullied me the worst. It took a chance meeting with one of the ringleaders after we were adults and I confronted him and told him just how much he and his friends had hurt me. He apologized and I forgave him.  It took a chance meeting to allow me to put this in the past and move forward. I still feel the effects of it today. it was not easy to forgive but I needed to make peace with the past in order to move on. Fotallittook one of the earliest memories of my being transgender was going to swim at the home of one of my moms friends she had swim trunks that did not fit me and instead I wore a girls bathing suit. All the other kids made fun of me but it fit and felt so right for me. Danielle
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Jill F

Quote from: Caysee Danielle on February 18, 2014, 07:32:48 PM
Yep.  No idea why.  Nobody seemed to specify why they had a problem with me, at least that I can remember.

That one baffled me too.  I was the least offensive person, didn't bother anyone, didn't start problems.  Oh, that's right, I was the smart kid who wasn't very good at sports, didn't know how to fight and needed the girliness beaten out of him.  I might as well have had "kick me" tattooed on my forehead until I learned to assimilate into dudebro culture.
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Jill F

Quote from: danielle28 on February 18, 2014, 07:34:46 PM
Missy, I too was savagely bullied.In 8th grade I left school during the middle of the day and went home. my parents called the school and NOT one of the kids apologized or was disciplined by the school.I could not wait to get out of there. I have forgiven those who bullied me the worst. It took a chance meeting with one of the ringleaders after we were adults and I confronted him and told him just how much he and his friends had hurt me. He apologized and I forgave him.  It took a chance meeting to allow me to put this in the past and move forward. I still feel the effects of it today. it was not easy to forgive but I needed to make peace with the past in order to move on. Fotallittook one of the earliest memories of my being transgender was going to swim at the home of one of my moms friends she had swim trunks that did not fit me and instead I wore a girls bathing suit. All the other kids made fun of me but it fit and felt so right for me. Danielle

A similar thing happened to me about 2 years ago.   I was watching my friends play a crappy club and ran into the worst 8th grade bully of them all.  We actually had a pretty good conversation.  He (of course) became a semi-famous B-list punk rock guitar player and it turns out that we know a lot of the same people.   I think he probably felt like an idiot for being such a d-bag back then.  I'd like to see him again and ask him about the time he was pummeling me between classes, exclaiming, "You are such a f&*(ing WOMAN!"  I mean he HAS to know by now that I transitioned.
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danielle28

Natalie, I know your pain all too well.I never said anything either. Even after being held down on the bathroom floor by the boys and having my pants pulled down to see if I had a vagina. I'll never forget them saying he has breasts how come he doesn't have a vagina. I never reported it after I was threatened.I too loved being by myself.I did make some friends and played football. I always loved my alone time even today. I work at a job where I talk to a lot of people. When I am out of work. I love to be left alone and enjoy the peace and quiet.Hugs danielle
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danielle28

Jill, I have to tell you I love your posts. you are very much an inspiration to me as I continue on this journey so thank you for continuing to share your journey and inspire me. hugs danielle
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Kaydee

Quote from: Jill F on February 18, 2014, 07:38:40 PM
That one baffled me too.  I was the least offensive person, didn't bother anyone, didn't start problems.  Oh, that's right, I was the smart kid who wasn't very good at sports, didn't know how to fight and needed the girliness beaten out of him.  I might as well have had "kick me" tattooed on my forehead until I learned to assimilate into dudebro culture.

Yes, I can relate to this.  Though most of the abuse was verbal or merely threatened violence.  I remember once in middle school it started to get more physical.  One day one of the only weaker kids in the class started to pick on me and so I pushed him across the classroom an pinned him to the wall.  funny thing was, the teacher sent him to the office and left me alone.  Never really figured that one out...

But most of the time I just tried to ignore it and fade into the background.
Aimee





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Carrie Liz

Yeah, I was a target all through childhood as well. I was called a crybaby, I was always an outcast with a love-hate relationship with the boys where one minute I'd be their friend and the next minute they'd all be laughing at me, I was teased for having a girl as a best friend, I was always called names for reasons that I don't even remember or understand, and then in middle school when my gender dysphoria really started, I just turned into one giant target. Both the boys and the girls made fun of me for wearing short shorts, singing soprano in choir, doing very feminine behaviors like crossing my legs, and just being effeminate in general. I even got beaten up a couple of times. And unfortunately, I internalized this teasing, and started hiding my feminine behavior for the sake of blending in, trying everything to get over it. And now 15 years later I've developed pretty significant amounts of social anxiety, and reclaiming my true self has been very difficult because I came so much to associate my female self with shame and fear.
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FalseHybridPrincess

Quote from: April Lee on February 18, 2014, 06:26:15 PM
Yes, I was bullied some, but not to the extent that it really wounded me. As a teenager, I became a nerd and quiet loner, and learned how not to get noticed.

thats what I did too,
http://falsehybridprincess.tumblr.com/
Follow me and I ll do your dishes.

Also lets be friends on fb :D
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Eva Marie

Quote from: Caysee Danielle on February 18, 2014, 07:32:48 PM
Yep.  No idea why.  Nobody seemed to specify why they had a problem with me, at least that I can remember.

Yeah, same here. I eventually just learned how to hide myself (by hanging in the library), how to blend in, and how to talk my way out of fights because I was physically a shrimp. Thus most of the crap I took was verbal, although there was a fight or two that I lost LOL.....

The other way I escaped was by disengaging. In high school I scheduled my classes to avoid the masses, and I got out early to go to work. At nights I would find some alcohol somewhere and stay disconnected from everyone that way.

It sure would have been nice if someone had given me a clue as to why exactly they were abusing me but no one ever did.
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kelly_aus

Primary school was hellish.. Until about a month before it ended - the day I finally snapped and beat the biggest, meanest kid in school to a bloody pulp.. I later found out a teacher had seen the whole thing and only stepped in when the dude I was beating on had had enough..

HS was interesting.. The junior years were a little hellish, until once again I snapped and made someone leak blood. Later years was a mix of copping lots of crap at the same time as being one of the more popular people. I had the IDGAF attitude down and I knew how to party, which meant I was liked.. I was also a little queer-seeming, which made for lots of crap.

It was heart-warming to see 6 of the guys who'd given me hell in HS leap to my defence recently when some idiot had a go at me.. When I tried to thank them, I was told that they'd have done it for any of the girls.. :D Poor George did break his finger though. :(
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