When is the appropriate time to change your name?

[teeg]

Not sure if this might be suited for real-life experience or legal matters, but I figured some things I'm concerned about might concern legal matters.

I've taken my transition in gradual steps, being on hormones for a while, slowly transitioning into more feminine clothes, feminine grooming, FFS soon, etc.

But lately, many people have referred to me as, "miss", "young lady", and such. While that feels incredibly awesome, sometimes it's been awkward when I then use my boy name... The thing is that some people, especially at my work, are not aware of my transition. They figure me as a feminine boy or twink or something. One thing of concern to me was if I changed my name legally, how might that affect things like my pay check, etc. that?

I have all the paperwork filled out for the court, just not sure when I should submit them...

In short, it's awkward in many instances at the moment to still use my boy name while the rest of my transition moves forward, but potentially it might also be a little awkward with my girl name for people who don't know of my transition yet...

Does anyone have any experience or insight about when to change your name?

[Jessica Merriman]

Just from my personal experience only. I went Full Time January 1st and have my legal name change planned for May. I am thinking about moving it closer to March to avoid problems and discomfort when required to present I.D. for any reason. I feel you should do it when it is comfortable for you, not others. I know it will ease my Dysphoria a LOT! I consider a legal name change to be permanent much like SRS and will ease my life considerably.

[mrs izzy]

Around the time you wish to go full time and let the old go into the past.

I know many who apply for there name change when they go full time. Some have did the change before and once they had the papers in hand went full time.

It is something that you need when you are full time and living in your new gender.

I filed for mine the day i went full time.

Isabell

[Eva Marie]

I plan on doing mine some time around May, and when the court date approaches I'm going to my boss & HR and will formally be letting them know that as of a certain date I will come to work as Eva and will be attired female. That should raise some eyebrows lol, but it also gives them time to do whatever they need to do and figure out the bathroom situation. Hopefully the day will mostly be a nonevent.

[allisonsteph]

I would say that if your current ID is being questioned, then it is time to change your name. I started living full time in September and filed the paperwork in mid November. It became official earlier this month, and I just received my Social Security card in the mail today. I held it in my hand and stared at it for about half an hour. My driver's license should arrive within the next week. I'd imagine that I will be staring at that for even longer when it arrives.

[tgchar21]

As others have said, whenever you feel comfortable (and have the money to do so) feel free to get your name changed. You shouldn't have any major problems with your paycheck, etc. as long as you notify all the parties in question of your name change promptly once it's approved.

I've even known some cases where a trans-person legally changed to a unisex name as one of the first transition steps (I'm not sure, but it may have been even before doing anything physical), and I once suggested the idea of a "reverse preferred name" to one student who wanted to get the correct name on the diploma but didn't want to come out right away to classmates. (Both ideas are good if you're transitioning in high school or college and want to keep the name indicative of your birth gender off your credentials, credit history, etc. before they become established.)

[calicarly]

I am of the opinion that you should be full time RLE before doing so, I am sorry but I am of the thought that if you aren't doing the RLE (for whatever reason) then I would question how commited to your new gender you really are. It's just personal opinion. But a lot of people here may disagree and that's ok. I'm just amazed at how everyone wants to have hormones, FFS, SRS, legal stuff all taken care of before taking a single step out the door as a woman... You may do all that and still not have the courage to do it, and then you would be stuck!

[Hayley]

I am of the opinion that you should be full time RLE before doing so, I am sorry but I am of the thought that if you aren't doing the RLE (for whatever reason) then I would question how commited to your new gender you really are. It's just personal opinion. But a lot of people here may disagree and that's ok. I'm just amazed at how everyone wants to have hormones, FFS, SRS, legal stuff all taken care of before taking a single step out the door as a woman... You may do all that and still not have the courage to do it, and then you would be stuck!

Courage is different for everyone. People sometimes need something, something as small as just acknowledgment. Changing your name can be done for so many more reasons than RLE. Maybe that is the step that helps them feel more comfortable with themselves and finally allows them that little extra something to be confident in who they are. Maybe it would be getting on hrt that helps them. Fear of backlash is hard to step out from. I do not believe it's right to question anyone's commitment based of what you see people doing or talking about on an online support site. There are a mulititude of reasons people do things in the order they do them. Transistion is personal and no one is the same. Life is already hard enough without being dysphoric add that pressure in and not everyone will be able to handle their fears of rejection, ridicule or even violence. Changing their name is something they can do and no one out side of their circle would even notice. Legal names aren't even always used by everyone, if they still wanted to be legally their preferred name and weren't entirely out they could easily have people who they don't know or aren't in their circle call them by a different name. Examples. Both my grandfather and stepfather never use their first names. My grandfather uses Johnny; his name is Robin Wayne (not putting last name) and my step father uses his middle name which from what I understand is common. But the main point of that was legal names are important or legal things but in every day life people will call you whatever you ask for the most part. 

[Carol Chastleton]

... I'm just amazed at how everyone wants to have hormones, FFS, SRS, legal stuff all taken care of before taking a single step out the door as a woman...

I share your amazement.  And I'm equally amazed that so many seem to have the resources for FFS, etc. at their fingertips!  I first stepped out the door as a chick back in the early 1970s when I was a 19 year old unemployed college dropout  without benefit of a legal name change, legit hormones etc.   Eventually of course I did obtain a legal name change, medically supervised HRT and SRS and things fell nicely into place, but it required a lot of hard work, commitment and staring down fear for years to get there. 

Oh well  - everyone's journey is their own.

Carol

[tgchar21]

I am of the opinion that you should be full time RLE before doing so, I am sorry but I am of the thought that if you aren't doing the RLE (for whatever reason) then I would question how commited to your new gender you really are. It's just personal opinion. But a lot of people here may disagree and that's ok. I'm just amazed at how everyone wants to have hormones, FFS, SRS, legal stuff all taken care of before taking a single step out the door as a woman... You may do all that and still not have the courage to do it, and then you would be stuck!

I think in most cases the individual would've had *some* experience (not necessarily full-time) living as the target gender before undertaking the steps you mentioned, so it's not like they'd be changing their name cold-turkey without having a taste as living under the opposite gender (in fact doing some of the "semi-reversible" steps like HRT can help one pass better to get a more realistic expectation as opposed to a "transvestite-based" perspective). As for the name thing, like I said I think doing a "senior year" legal name change and not coming out to classmates until graduation is a very good strategic measure if the timing is right (it ensures the appropriate name gets on your diploma and permanent record, and avoids the ramifications of coming out until the next step). Also, if the name you're changing to is unisex (which was the case in one of the examples of an "early name change" I gave), then Carly's points of being stuck if you want to go back are largely moot.

[LizMarie]

It gets more complicated for those of us who are older and are married. I'm about "95%" full time. My employer knows and I work from home 9 days out of 10. I go in for about 4 hours every other Monday and that's the only time I present male. We've agreed that from an HR perspective, everything can switch over once I am legal.

But things like paychecks, mortgages, bank accounts, insurance accounts, etc., are all things that I have to juggle as I move towards full time. I am planning my legal name change in the latter half of this year. As for GCS, FFS, etc., for me that's all a ways off yet. I'll get there but when? I'll figure that out as I walk that road.

Right now my two largest projects this year are facial hair removal and the legal paperwork later this year.

[Carrie Liz]

I'm going to agree with those who say once you're full-time. Usually when you're part-time, you don't deal with a lot of situations that require you to have your name legally changed. But once you start applying for jobs, going to everyday things like the doctor's office as your identity gender, once legal documents in your old name become a problem because you're never presenting as your birth gender anymore, that's when it becomes a problem.

For me, it was job applications that did it. I'm applying for jobs as a girl, and thus having my name changed legally saves me a lot of headaches and saves me having to come out immediately at every single one because my chosen name doesn't match my legal documents.