Am I too feminine to be a man?

[Nickrose20]

I'm 20. Since I was 12 I felt like I was a boy. And before that I felt mentally and socially better with boys than girls. The thing is I like make up. I like my boobs. But I also like masculine qualities about myself. Like my shoulders waistline and and narrow hips. From the back I have a male like body. I work out a lot as well to enhance this quality. I also have a heavyish voice. I have a masculine hand pattern and big feet for my size. I like short hair going bald. Or really short hair. I can even pass as a guy sometimes. Among lgbt people, I get much of the time where it's believed that I'm a born male but I dress more like a girl right now due to social family and financial issues. I wish I had a completely male body. But I've always felt like I'm too small. And kind of scared I'll end up like that Belgian dude. I also don't like girls. Which this makes me more nervous. I mean people seem to think this concept is stupid... But being a girl it seems like I look at her and I don't see myself... I see someone different. All I do well at with being a woman is really sexualizing myself and the only time I feel at all female is usually when I'm trying to please others. More of the time I feel neutral on the male side of things. I feel like a guy but I try to accept my body the way it is. But I don't feel right never have... So I'm wondering am I too feminine to transition? I don't really ever feel female. I feel like a guy but I sometimes wander is it worth it if I'll always be different from other men advice?

[geek]

People come in all shapes and form, theres no rules, only the ones you set for yourself. I can't tell you, nor can anyone else if you are too "feminine to be a man" youre either a man or youre not, or youre something in between. Its your life, your body, your rules, make or break them as you need to, just be yourself.

[Jessica Merriman]

People come in all shapes and form, theres no rules, only the ones you set for yourself. I can't tell you, nor can anyone else if you are too "feminine to be a man" youre either a man or youre not, or youre something in between. Its your life, your body, your rules, make or break them as you need to, just be yourself.

I was going to say something, but WOW, this was too good!

[Gene]

No worries, friend. You aren't alone in this. I too had been plagued by concern as to whether or not I was too feminine to be a man. Fortunately, my loving and supportive husband and gender therapist were there to help me realize that I was too wrapped up in society's concept of manhood rather than just accepting me as the man I am. I like wearing skirts sometimes, I love flowery perfumes over cologne, and I sometimes do "girly" things (mani-pedis with the hubby and what not). But all these things that are "feminine" are just manifestations of expression, which does not always inform identity. Do what you like, be who you are, and wear whatever makes you feel fierce, brother. It's going to be tough to beat back all the social stigma surrounding the gender binary that's deeply ingrained into everyone practically from birth. I still sometimes face times that I feel a little insecure in myself because I'm not a "man's man." Then I remember that only I get to govern myself; society can just butt out.

Hope this helps in some way. Happy journeys on your trek to the horizon, dude.

[Antagonist]

You know it's funny how bio-males sometimes joke about 'how cool it would be to have boobs' so they can stare at them to hearts content, etc. My thought to those guys is 'buddy, the novelty wears off.' But liking your body as it is doesn't make you less trans or less of a man. Girly hobbies most certainly don't. In high school I knew a guy twice my size that could have snapped my back Bane-style. He liked knitting. And no one said one word about it...

I guess what I'm saying is: Men with girly hobbies are still men. Feminine guys are still guys. Short guys with smaller builds are still guys. I wish I were taller too. But if you identify as male, you're male.

[freddie]

If you feel like a man or even are a man, then so be it. The things you enjoy doing or wearing shouldn't change the person you are. There are so many feminine boys out there, and so many masculine, so does it really matter which one you are? As long as you stay yourself you really can't do gender wrong.

[Ltl89]

Sorry to intrude.  I just wanted to say that you can definetly be a fem guy.  One of my best friends is a straight cis male, but if you asked people they would assume he was really gay or trans.  He's quite comfortable with who he is and being male despite his differences.  People come in all shapes and sizes, so I wouldn't let your masculinity level define your gender.  Just be you. 

[aleon515]

Well I didn't like my chesticles but I am 5'1" and not at all macho in any way. I have somewhat androgynous interests like animals, computers, reading, arts, etc. I have not changed those to fit in more or whatever. I pass as male about 95% since being on T and I am happier in my own skin now. But I have not at all changed who I was except I have become a little MORE social and so on, go figure.

--Jay

[Darrin Scott]

Well I didn't like my chesticles but I am 5'1" and not at all macho in any way. I have somewhat androgynous interests like animals, computers, reading, arts, etc. I have not changed those to fit in more or whatever. I pass as male about 95% since being on T and I am happier in my own skin now. But I have not at all changed who I was except I have become a little MORE social and so on, go figure.

--Jay

This is pretty much me. I like a lot of "androgynous" things and haven't changed in personality/interest since being on T. I wouldn't worry about it.

[xavier_1987]

Duuuuude!

I am pretty feminine, too. It took a while for me to put a finger on what my dysphoria/dissonance was. To me my body wasn't gross (I made a pretty girl, I think), it was just...weird. Like, funny-weird? I would look at my chest, which felt alien, laugh, and not believe it was my body and joke that I was a queer dude trapped in Liza Minnelli's body (opposite of most drag queens I know). The painful type of dysphoria didn't start in me until I realized how disconnected I was to my body and why. It took a while for me to realize what was going on, take action, and feel comfortable, connected, and PRESENT in my body.

I am short (5'3"), smaller framed, and pretty feminine.  My boyfriend and I paint each other's toenails and bedazzle stuff all the time. I never thought I'd be read as male. My internalized cissexism makes it hard for me to dress kind of feminine, but that is really fading with time. I wore a dress and a wig to Rocky Horror Picture show a year ago and still got sir'ed, surprisingly. I am still binary male, personally, but a pretty feminine guy. Being gay makes it easier to blend in with my femininity, but being femy hasn't stopped me from being approved for surgeries, or from being able to date. *shrug* If anything I often dated queer (cis and trans) guys that were even more feminine than me. I assume bi, pan, and especially straight trans guys who are feminine might have a harder time because of social expectations, but they are still rockin'.

I mean, we're not the first! Good luck on figuring yourself out

Xavier

[Adam (birkin)]

Being gay makes it easier to blend in with my femininity, but being femy hasn't stopped me from being approved for surgeries, or from being able to date. *shrug*

I've thought more than once that if I were gay, I'd basically have arrived lol. I was at the store with my brother and I was like "did you hear what Beyonce did???" all excited about it. My brother says "I haven't...I'm a bad gay." And I said "Well then I must be the best gay of them all, because I knew about this as soon as it dropped." It was fine until he said "but you're not gay" and the cashier's expression looked like it said "you like vagina? Impossible."

Funnily, I wasn't very feminine at all prior to transition. It was men's deodorant whenever I got the chance, no pop music, etc. And at a certain point I just felt these weird desires I had never felt before lol. Tried out a cherry blossom spray. Began seeing Britney, Beyonce, Dolly, etc for the icons they are lol. Felt a desire to learn how to cook and sew where there was none before.

Of course these are all just old stereotypes and I generally wouldn't say it was "feminine", but I know it is by society's standards. I haven't found it to be an issue in my transition at all. Sometimes I get odd looks, but it's no biggie. If someone's going to reject me for little stuff like that, their loss. They're going to have a boring life.

[Nickrose20]

This is pretty much me. I like a lot of "androgynous" things and haven't changed in personality/interest since being on T. I wouldn't worry about it.

When it comes to interests I'm actually more masculine. I like sports watching sports. I like watching action movies video games and academically I've never been arts inclined more mathematically inclined. It's genetic though I like writing though. I don't like certain things though that would deemed masculine nor feminine. I'm more in the middle on these side or things.

[Joanna Dark]

Before I was a femme girl, I was a femme guy. I practiced witchcraft and read tarot cards, like fashion, wore purple all the time (mostly women's polos) and women's cords and I still get accepted as male. Now...not so much. I can't get a guy to shake my hand for the life of me. It's all hugs or stares, but you can def femme and be a guy. It's not like there's a law or something enshrined in dudebro code lol or is there?

[anyothername]

I used to worry about the same thing a lot, and I still do sometimes. I'm a short pansexual vegetarian who loves doing hair and makes alarming noises when confronted with adorable baby animals. Not exactly the bro-ist of bros by any measure. But I think a lot of men wonder whether they're manly enough at least occasionally, especially when they're young. To me it's gotten a lot easier the longer I've had to come to terms with everything, so maybe it'll just take some time for you too. Just don't try to change who you are. Trying to force yourself to be ultra macho when you naturally aren't can be just as miserable as trying to force yourself to behave like a girl when you aren't.

[amZo]

I'm 20. Since I was 12 I felt like I was a boy. And before that I felt mentally and socially better with boys than girls. The thing is I like make up. I like my boobs. But I also like masculine qualities about myself. Like my shoulders waistline and and narrow hips. From the back I have a male like body. I work out a lot as well to enhance this quality. I also have a heavyish voice. I have a masculine hand pattern and big feet for my size. I like short hair going bald. Or really short hair. I can even pass as a guy sometimes. Among lgbt people, I get much of the time where it's believed that I'm a born male but I dress more like a girl right now due to social family and financial issues. I wish I had a completely male body. But I've always felt like I'm too small. And kind of scared I'll end up like that Belgian dude. I also don't like girls. Which this makes me more nervous. I mean people seem to think this concept is stupid... But being a girl it seems like I look at her and I don't see myself... I see someone different. All I do well at with being a woman is really sexualizing myself and the only time I feel at all female is usually when I'm trying to please others. More of the time I feel neutral on the male side of things. I feel like a guy but I try to accept my body the way it is. But I don't feel right never have... So I'm wondering am I too feminine to transition? I don't really ever feel female. I feel like a guy but I sometimes wander is it worth it if I'll always be different from other men advice?

I was born male bodied, but feel very much the same, just from the opposite perspective. 

[Nickrose20]

I'm not very partially to little ones either. Or really any femme activities its just how I look biggest thing is I have huge lips... And small nose and larger eyes. I have a natural bratz doll face even barefaced my lips people say they look too big fake or even say I'm wearing a lot of lipstick when I don't wear lipstick. I have very prominent girly lips plus a small nose and almond shaped eyes. I don't know what I'd do with my face because my face doesn't look masculine. It's very femme even bald it seems. I'm scared overall people will think of me as a joke. I went to my dr. And I'm seeing a therapist thankfully.