(I should note I'm not very familiar with this place so just keep that in mind)
Okay, here's what's going on:
1. I'm transgender (MtF) and I despise my face. Please don't ask for pictures, because if I like them, they're cherry picked, and if I don't, well, you get the idea. Sorry.
I want to change my face, a lot. But it's not going to be cheap, and for reasons, I want this to be done at South Korean practices. I know it sounds vain and looks aren't everything, but It's just something I really want done, and I chose South Korea not just because of their procedure count, but I'm also of East-Asian descent, and unfortunately (or not), everyone (most) people from where I am, they're absolutely worshipped for their looks.
Again, I understand how incredibly vain this sounds, and you might get the idea that I'm just looking for attention, but believe me, this is a questions I've asked myself dozens of times, but over and over again the answer has been "no". For example, every time I interact socially, I have to put on such an act, and I never feel right doing it. It's not because of the interests or hobbies that I follow and do, but the way I have to respond to them, "like a bloke" or "one of the lads", and it's just not me. I'm not saying this facial reconstruction will turn me into a female, but a least from a glance, It's what people will assume. It pangs me every time just to hear someone I don't know refer to me as "Him" or "His" without hearing my voice first, and I don't think I'd be wrong in saying some of you have felt this way before.
The kind of surgery I want includes the double-jaw surgery. My jaw is what I dislike the most, and is what I believe to be the most masculine trait of my face. It's angular, wide, and most irritatingly maligned to the left slightly. If I stood in front of a mirror long enough be myself, you'd be sure to tell that I was about to cry. The rest, my nose is slightly large, my eyes a bit on the small side, and the bite of my teeth don't touch. It probably isn't as bad as you're imagining it, but even so, you would want to do something about it.
Here's where the walls begin
2. I'm doing a foundation course in Uni right now, so this is my only year, and yes, it's going to end soon. But I haven't exactly been on top of my studies, and you can guess why; it sounds like a cop-out to blame my studies on my transgender issues, and I know I should keep focused, but when you have to interact socially as what you aren't, it's the only thing on my mind while I'm at Uni.
My Mother isn't exactly comfortable with the idea of my transitioning, so she's fairly dismissive about it, and I don't bring it up much because I'm really unsure how to. The main problem here is that she clearly doesn't understand how much this means to me, or how much of a difference it will make it my life. In short, She knows, but she doesn't understand.
I'm going to sound very spoiled and entitled, but I don't know how I could possibly pay for this, because one thing is, she expects me to continue into my studies and earn a degree - that's another 2 or 3 years of my life I'm going to have to live as someone I'm not, and I want to make it right as soon as possible. "What's another 2 or 3 years?", and I've heard the quote "It's never too late to be what you might have been", but the sooner I get this done, the better. Should it come to me regretting my decision (which is highly unlikely, but I have to be prepared for anything), I'll still have the rest of my life. So back to the costs of something like this, it's not going to be cheap. Of course, it's considerably less costly in South Korea than the US and the UK, because of the amount of procedures undertaken, and they're likely to have more experience too, but I just don't know how to go about this either.
I don't know what else to say really, but I just have no idea how to approach my mother about telling her about my problem, and convincing her to pay for these things. I don't expect to just have it though, I'd definitely do whatever it takes to make it up to her. I've done some research, and the procedures take a while to heal, so I'll have to take a gap year and apply again next year. This is really my only shot though, because if I don't come through with this plan, I'll have to go straight into university and on top of that, there will be the tuition fees to deal with, so I won't have the money for it myself, and after that point, she will probably ask me to pay for everything myself, which I'll understand.
It sounds like the perfect plan, which is why even I can't really believe it will happen. To me, this is like an ultimatum.
I'm sorry that wasn't very well structured, and I'm not even sure if I'm putting it in the right place, but I hope it was enough information. If you don't want to help me, you don't have to say anything. I really don't want to come off as selfish or anything, and I can't think of any other tone to type it in, but this is frankly as truthful as I can be about this. Please, talk to me if you want to help or ask any questions.
