Can you live stealth for a long time in your birth gender?

[Satinjoy]

That certainly helps... it does, it makes sense to me...

[EmmaD]

My 5 cents worth....

Yes, you can BUT you need to be a bit prepared to recognise when things are getting away from you.  You may find physical changes become hard to hide or your mental state deteriorates so that you start to cause damage that to you and your relationships.  Where (like me) you may have managed things in years past, this is a different management issue and you do not have years or even decades of practice in it.

I am nervous about coming out at work but to quote my wife a few minutes ago, "those puppies aren't waiting around".  I am fortunate in that my hair loss is significant and that is a very strong male marker.  I am however thin and they just ain't moobs!  While I don't want to tackle going full time yet, I am preparing to have deal with it in the next 6 to 12 months.  Need my nose done at least beforehand and that has come to the top of the list.

Good luck and keep options open.

[sad panda]

I really don't know how to respond to this. You know this is a board for transsexuals. The definition of transsexuality being that your gender dysphoria is so significant that it makes it impossible to function at some point. For me, I turned 29-30, I simply could not wait another second. I build an entire life in my early 20s with the expectation that I would save money to transition. This is what I did. I just wasted a few years fighting myself to death. And by death, I mean heroin. So, excuse me if I'm a little taken aback my your kind of, meh, attitude towards the struggles of people like me.

To answer the question, yes, it apparently is possible. For me, no, it is not. I either pass as a woman or a female-to-male transsexual. When I have to dress as a guy, people whichpser and say things like "that's totally a girl." This one person I became friends with told me he saw me first dressed in guy mode and thought, "I wander why she wants to be a man." I just did it today for business reasons, which may be why I'm so snippy. It felt awful. Using the men's room and being stared at by everyone in there. Puke.

EDIT: When I say people sometimes think I am a female-to-male transsexual, I mean a non-transitioning or early transitioning that doesn't quite pass yet. I feel like this could be taken the wrong way and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I really hope I didn't.

Omg joanna, please stop being dramatic. I know you have problems but I have problems too. Just cuz I have a different story doesn't mean it's the wrong one. It's just as bad to be stuck as an mtf that wants to be cis (boy or girl) but never can be as it is to be stuck with dysphoria from having a female identity in a male body. If you know what it's like to not even pass as your birth gender you would get that someone who desperately wants to be cis would be so hurt by that...

[Ltl89]

Well I started hormones in June and I still present as my birth gender.  To be honest, it didn't start really becoming noticeable until recently, but it's becoming hard.  People look at me, I confuse them, some give me a big "I know smile", and it's really difficult to take sometimes.  Granted, there are some people that treat me nice and with respect (in fact I would say this applies to most people) but I feel like they can tell too.  I'm not sure if it's just paranoia or not.  Apparently some here and in my life say I now pass as female, but I don't feel ready for full time appearance wise, emotionally or financially.  So, I'm not too different from you, but I would say stealth is an illusion. 

In any case, "stealth" in that you throw off no signs is really hard to maintain.  You will grow breasts and hormones will change a lot of things.  People will notice.  If you grow out your hair and do your eyebrows, people are going to see.  It's a progressive change, and I couldn't stop from hiding.  I look very different and there is no way to hide that fact.  So, I don't think you can be "stealth" and have no one no or guess.  It's going to happen and more likely than not. 

Omg joanna, please stop being dramatic. I know you have problems but I have problems too. Just cuz I have a different story doesn't mean it's the wrong one. It's just as bad to be stuck as an mtf that wants to be cis (boy or girl) but never can be as it is to be stuck with dysphoria from having a female identity in a male body. If you know what it's like to not even pass as your birth gender you would get that someone who desperately wants to be cis would be so hurt by that...

Don't feel bad sad panda.  Everyone knows that you are struggling in your own way and we respect that.  Just remember that many of us ARE hurting on the opposite end of the spectrum. 

[EllieM]

I am nervous about coming out at work but to quote my wide a few minutes ago, "those puppies aren't waiting around".  I am fortunate in that my hair loss is significant and that is a very strong male marker.  I am however thin and they just ain't moobs!  While I don't want to tackle going full time yet, I am preparing to have deal with it in the next 6 to 12 months.  Need my nose done at least beforehand and that has come to the top of the list.

Just out of curiosity, and this is probably something for another thread, have you any plans concerning your hair? (don't look at my avatar, that's me in my freshman year...)
The hair thing has been depressing me a bit of late, especially when I look at pictures of my former abundance.

[EmmaD]

Just out of curiosity, and this is probably something for another thread, have you any plans concerning your hair? (don't look at my avatar, that's me in my freshman year...)
The hair thing has been depressing me a bit of late, especially when I look at pictures of my former abundance.

Just a quick, non-thread diverting reply, I have consulted over my hair and the best anyone can honestly offer is a close to satisfactory male head of hair in probably 2 procedures that would exhaust all donor material.  For the price, that is a truck load of wigs so somewhat reluctantly, I have decided to become a wig junkie and start to develop multiple styles!  If I am able to change my hairstyle overnight and then back again, why not?  In the meantime, meds are preventing further loss and I am able to present as my birth gender until I am ready.  The big  is that my boobs are going to out me in a few months anyway

[anais]

I think you can, it's a lot easier to present as male than female. Just don't go topless.

[Hikari]

Well, I am stuck between being out at home but not at work, and I have managed to do it for a time, but I will say that I probably have less than a year now based on the changes I have seen before hormones basically make it impossible for me not to go full time.

I don't really think that I could survive the dysphoria that would accompany stopping HRT though, because testosterone is such a scourge and I very much want to keep my hair.

[Satinjoy]

I think you can, it's a lot easier to present as male than female. Just don't go topless.

That is hysterical

Many good comments here.  I may have been read by now and they may not be challenging it.  The homophobe accross the hall dropped a major hint today, but since I am clearly attracted to women, somehow he is leaving me be.  Of course my social survival skills kicked in and I reacted very male.  They'd faint if they knew what was under the outerwear...

I am getting to a place where I am sick of oppression of US ALL and would just tell them to get over it.

I am going to make a run on it, the driving force is the internal and emotional aspect of Estrogen, being totally female physically without having to show it, and allowing my male cognitive stuff to navigate socially.  In loose sweaters, its a late start and often late starters statistically have smaller boobs.

I really don't think I can walk out that front door in full transition. 

Even though it broke me, it seams my dysphoria is not as intense as most, that I can do dual roles comfortably as long as I know what is underneath.  Or look in the mirror.  I smile every time I see myself revealed now.  I NEVER did that before.  It is a gift.  There is a lot of male mind left in me but physically I am so strongly female its crazy.  That is all girl pre srs.  I would think I was totally screwed up except I know there are more like me right here.

I sure hope this works.  I have no choice really.  Unless I chose pain, insanity, hair, and being driven to the point of mania by testosterone.  That isnt a choice.

[Satinjoy]

The comments have been so powerful for me=  encouragement, cautions, real experience, reality doses, new lives reaching out...  I dont feel alone anymore....I can be me....

This is HUGE.   BIG TIME. 

Thanks girls for my peace.  You are very special people, every one of you.