So I talked to my mom...

[Sir Real]

It did not go well.  We've talked before so this is the second time talking with her for real about this now.  She's a very religious Christian and basically said she thinks this is a spirit of perversion and that it's a familiar spirit which is why my dressing in men's clothes has made me feel more comfortable. Even when I said I talked to God about this (which I had) and said that he said he loved me and that this was ok, she said it was the devil in disguise basically. I asked her "What if they really find this is a physical thing?" and told her how they believe it's that something messed up during the pregnancy etc etc and she said "So what if they do?" Basically there is nothing that will ever change her mind about this.  She is hard set about this being evil messing up her child.  I asked her how she'd feel if I made the physical transition and she said "It'd be the hardest thing I'll ever face in my life" and that was the end of the conversation. 

I'm 24 and going on disability (hopefully).  Even though it will be really hard for me to live on my own with what I'm dealing with, it looks like I might have to after all in order to transition. Things really aren't looking good right now.

[Jessica Merriman]

she said "It'd be the hardest thing I'll ever face in my life"

I think she totally missed the point. It is you that will have the hardest challenge's to face. I identify and have Christian belief's and value's as well in my life. There is no condemnation in the Bible for Transsexual's. The only thing I have found is love, acceptance and to be non-judgmental. Only G-D has that right and responsibility! I went to him with my questions as well and felt a peace come over me telling me I was not doomed to Hell or anything of the kind. I tell judgmental Christian's all the time, G-d made us in his own image. Now didn't he make both Adam AND Eve? So guess what? I have no guilt, shame or judgment on myself based on who I am, an image of G-d! 

[Sir Real]

I think she totally missed the point. It is you that will have the hardest challenge's to face. I identify and have Christian belief's and value's as well in my life. There is no condemnation in the Bible for Transsexual's. The only thing I have found is love, acceptance and to be non-judgmental. Only G-D has that right and responsibility! I went to him with my questions as well and felt a peace come over me telling me I was not doomed to Hell or anything of the kind. I tell judgmental Christian's all the time, G-d made us in his own image. Now didn't he make both Adam AND Eve? So guess what? I have no guilt, shame or judgment on myself based on who I am, an image of G-d! 

Thanks this helps. I think I need to keep in mind that this is my struggle, not hers, and that I need to do this for my own good. I just hope it doesn't make things bad between my family and I. I wish she could see it this way, but I guess at least she's not doing this out of hate or something.  I know she still loves me, but she thinks this is going to hurt me.  Even if this makes me happier.

[Jessica Merriman]

Things may go bad when coming out sometimes, but people will surprise you and after missing you family will return most of the time. I built up coming out as this huge undefeatable monster that would destroy everything. It turned out to be an almost nothing response from most of the people I knew. Even those that deserted me came back around when they saw I was happy for the first time in my life. Don't let it build and hold you down, confront that monster head on. Remember they are responding from a state of shock and surprise at first, but luckily the rational mind will return and they will think about it when the shock wears off.

[Mal]

Wow, your experience is almost identical to mine, even about needing to move out on your own to further your transition and getting disability. So all I can say is that you're not alone, even if things are hard with your family.

[Sir Real]

@Jessica: I hope this ends up being the case. Though, if they never really agree with it, that's on them I suppose...  My mom isn't really in a state of shock after giving her a good ~7 months of this at before talking to her again least so far but I can see it still not being something she'd be comfortable with even after much longer than that.  I just don't want this to make a good thing (our family) go sour, but I can't ignore my own needs either I guess.

@Mal: Thanks, it's good to know there's others out there experiencing things similar.  I really hear ya and hope your situation gets better for you.

[King Malachite]

I've had a similar experience so I understand where you're coming from, Evan.  When I came out to my sister, she told me that she think's it's the devil and that it the reason I feel this way is because I harvest alot of hurt and pain from my childhood so I have build up a wall attached myself to a "masculine spirit".  I told her that therapists, etc. have confirmed being transgender as a legit condition but she told me they didn't count because they are secular.  I have a feeling that her mind is made up on this no matter what.  My mom doesn't even want me to have short hair.  I believe that she knows that I'm trans, but we don't really talk about it since I haven't officially come out, but when I do....gosh, I know that isn't going to go well.  I plan to come out to her in just under a year and a half (about when I'd like to think I'd have enough for top surgery), and there is a chance that she may kick me out (or make my life so miserable that I'd have to move) so I'm preparing to look at apartments and hotels even now. 

I feel your pain and I really hope your mother comes around to see how happy you will become.

[jonjon]

To everyone on this post that's replied and shared their bad experiences; I feel for you, I really do. I feel lucky that I have a supportive family, but it shouldn't be like that. In fact I find it somewhat disgusting that people put their religion as priority over their families.

I'm not going to say anymore on that subject as I may unintentionally end up rustling some feathers, which is not what I want to do.

I hope things work out for you, Evan. Remember that family doesn't necessarily mean blood so you're never alone. As other people have mentioned, she'll more than likely eventually come round when she realises the possibility of losing you and the fact that you have done nothing wrong.

[sneakersjay]

My mother said the same things and was also very religious.  But bottom line was she eventually came around, because she loved me.  She never truly understood it though.

Your mom is wrong about this, though.  You are right; God wants us to live authentically.  I consider this a birth defect of sorts that is corrected with medication and surgery.

Jay

[FlightyBrood]

I cant speak from first hand experience, thankfully. BUT i have been to enough PFLAG meetings to know that almost every parent disowns their child at first when they come out. AT FIRST. Some took years, but literally every parent did come around and try to help themselves see things from their childrens point of view.

even my mom wasnt supportive at first. she went to a couple PFLAG meetings and it helped, however i doubt it would help your mother since she is speaking from a religious point of view and mine was not.

Sometimes even parents can be toxic. its a terrible thing, but sometimes they need a wake up call, something to tell them "this is how my child will be happy". My advice would be to think very hard on it, consider that you might lose her in your transition, but also keep in mind that she is your mother and she loves you, and she will come around. Maybe not now, maybe not in a few years but its highly likely shell come around.

who knows? maybe she will pray for you and be shown the true way-alongside you happy that you are happy.

[Sir Real]

Wow thanks everyone for the replies! I'm really feeling a boost from talking with you all.

@Malachite This is almost the same thing that my Mom said to me as I also come from a rougher childhood.  Thanks, I hope my mom comes around too, maybe it'll be like Jessica said and they'll miss us enough to come around at least in some respect. 

@Jon I agree. It shouldn't be like this at all.  What's funny is they think they're trying to help us when really all it does is hurt us.  You're right, family isn't always blood related, I need to keep that in mind. 

@Jay.  It sounds like religion can really make things difficult for a lot of us.  I'm glad your mom came around, I hope I'll be able to say the same thing someday.  I definitely believe this is a birth defect, but I wonder if she'll ever see it that way.  Maybe I just need to accept this in her and not take it so personally.

@FlightyBrood It's good to know that this is a pretty common thing that happens.  It's comforting in a way really, especially knowing that they all did come around.  My mom would never go to a PFLAG meeting It'd be pretty cool if she did, though, or any of my family for that matter.

Again thanks everyone.  You guys are really helping me in this hard situation.  It makes a difference being able to talk to people about this who really get it.