Difficulty socialising!

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Heya girls

I have found recently, that when im out in public, i find myself being quiet and in my shell!
I have joined many dance classes, and have found it hard to talk to people in the class!!! :/

I just constantly feel that the people don't want me to talk to them as they see me as different!!
Although, they have been very welcoming, and im sure it is all in my head, and i dont understand why i think people dont want to speak to me!!

Did any of you feel this way when you started transitioning?

I feel so much happier being Zoe, and am so my happier socialising and being seen as a woman!!!
I just really need to start coming out of my shell, as its driving me mad!!!!

Have any of you ladies got any advice on how i can get over this anxiety i feel?

Thanks
Zoe
Xx

[stephaniec]

when I started transitioning I told a friend of my that I was transgender and was starting the process. He stopped texting me and stopped messaging me on face book. I freaked out and thought He didn't approve , but it turned out to be all in my head.

[LittleEmily24]

I do the same thing, but i feel like my voice shatters my image... I dont want people to pretend like I'm a girl, i want people to treat me like a girl because they see me as one. Its because of this desire to be treated as female regardless of my voice or how I look, that i tend to be a bit anti-social.

Also, being hispanic, we greet and say goodbye to eachother in a special way. Men and women kiss on the cheek, women and women kiss on the cheek, men and men shake hands. Being "what I am", this is cause for a lot of awkward greetings or farewells... which really kinda hurts me. So i just avoid it altogether and do a shy little wave from afar. I don't want to be the only girl who gets a handshake, so i just avoid it altogether. I also sometimes get the feeling that my friends don't like me or don't like my whole transitioning situation... can't say I'm 100% certain if its all in my head or not.

[Ms Grace]

...and im sure it is all in my head...

I'd say it is.

And even so, not everyone is going to like you, it's just a fact of life - and often not for the reasons you might think, maybe it's because you're just too pretty, the ladies will be jealous and the guys nervous!

I had a real case of "shyness" during my first attempt at transition. I was comfortable around friends but would clam up around strangers for fear I'd out myself by opening my mouth. This time started off the same but I'm forcing myself to chat to people I meet in social situations and they never even blink. That is really helping with my confidence and allows me to talk a bit louder in other situations in public.

You'll get there, if you're enjoying socialising as Zoe just wait until you really open up and stop putting your own thoughts into other people's heads!

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

I do the same thing, but i feel like my voice shatters my image... I dont want people to pretend like I'm a girl, i want people to treat me like a girl because they see me as one. Its because of this desire to be treated as female regardless of my voice or how I look, that i tend to be a bit anti-social.

Also, being hispanic, we greet and say goodbye to eachother in a special way. Men and women kiss on the cheek, women and women kiss on the cheek, men and men shake hands. Being "what I am", this is cause for a lot of awkward greetings or farewells... which really kinda hurts me. So i just avoid it altogether and do a shy little wave from afar. I don't want to be the only girl who gets a handshake, so i just avoid it altogether. I also sometimes get the feeling that my friends don't like me or don't like my whole transitioning situation... can't say I'm 100% certain if its all in my head or not.

Yea i completely agree with the voice thing!!! i definetely does make me quiet!!

But im worried its gonna make me hide away again!! :/ Like, ive been invited to this dance show with some of the girls from one of my dance groups i go to!! But i dont think im gonna go, because im finding it difficult to come out of my shell, and i dont want to be seen as weird!!!! Its sooo frustrating!!! :/ I really wanna get over this and start being confident enough to be able to socialise easy!!!

:/

Xx

[Ms Grace]

Baby steps!

I went to my first entirely non trans* related thing on Tuesday, the opening of a friend's art show. I knew there'd be three people there I knew and who knew I was trans* and I felt fine until I got there. It was a fairly small space with a lot of people milling about chatting and I was suddenly feeling really exposed. I was petrified and for the shortest of moments I considered turning around and walking away...but I worked up some (not inconsiderable) courage and went through the door, into what surely would be my doom. I immediately found one of my friends who was with a group of strangers...I could barely squeak out a hello. She was great, got me to a less crowded space and just started chatting. It didn't take me long to start feeling relaxed and with that came comfort with how I sounded and I was soon talking with complete strangers - by the end of the night I was out at a crowded restaurant with five other cis women having a great time. But if I'd heel turned at that critical moment and left instead I would have gone home utterly, utterly miserable. Gee, which experience am I glad I had??

So baby steps. Stop over thinking about what will go wrong, just get yourself there, make it though he door, take some time to warm yourself into the situation, mingle with people you feel comfortable with at first and then hopefully, before you even know it's happened, you'll be having a great time. Don't force yourelf though, if the situation is going pear shaped extract yourself ASAP so make sure you have an escape plan, chances are it won't be needed but it will make you feel safer.

Hugs
Grace

[mandonlym]

One of these days I should record my voice because it's low... But it's been a looooong time since I've outed myself because of it, even by people who comment on how low it is. A lot of times they say it as a compliment... That it's strong or authoritative.

So I think it's self-consciousness itself that makes people suspect something, and that's the most important thing to get over. As I've suggested here, find a friend or two to go with to things so you're sure to have an ally.