Identify as gay male before transition?

[Natalia]

No, I didn't...but this was a bit controverse for me and is similar of what others have already posted.

I wasn't a gay man and I was never really really emotionally attracted by men, because somewhat this looked wrong on this body. I didn't feel I should be attracted by men because I was a man...but what was wrong with me was not that I shouldn't be attracted by men, but that I shouldn't be a man.

I always wanted to be the woman on a relationship...and so, I was actually physically attracted to men, but I couldn't admit it for myself. I have tried watching gay porn, but it didn't work for me. I am not a gay man, no way...

Now that I know I am a woman, feeling attracted by men is becoming more acceptable to me...but at the same time, I still feel quite assexual. Sex is not a subject that is a big concern for me.

[Missy~rmdlm]

No, I personally publicly identified at hetero male in the past. Personally I've been bi-curious for a long time, but for simplicity that wasn't public until transition, because anal just isn't my thing.
I am in an ongoing lesbian relationship.

[vlmitchell]

Nope. Always just a chick in a dude's body/history.

Gay guys are fine and gay sex is fun to look at and all but, yeahno, I was pretty sure who/what I was.

[Janae]

I'm with learningtolive

As a kid I remembering someone making fun of me and calling me gay because I was fem and different than other boys. I asked my mother what gay was and she told me. I thought well I do like boys and I am one physically so ok. I identified as gay thorough out my teens and early 20's because I ad no understanding of gender & sexual orientation. I bought into the lie that most people believe, which is your are the gender & sex you're born. Funny thing is I was in and out of girls clothes when I went to hang out with friends through out my teens. When I started meeting other trans girls it dawned on me that I was something else completely. The only point of reference in those day's was Jerry Springer & RuPaul. Looking back I have to laugh because I was REALLY bad at being a gay boy. I didn't connect with guys in the same way that other gays did, When I went to clubs I dressed as a girl so dates were a no, I was always kinda shunned because I was articulate and feminine. There was just a clear distinction between gay fem gay boy and what I was.

I don't regret identifying as gay because I was on a path to learning and discovering myself. Some people have a stronger sense of self early on and avoid this. It's apart of my story and I've learned a lot. It's only reaffirmed to me what I really am. So when I'm questioned and asked "Are you sure your not gay" I can say been there done that no. I told my mother when I came out to here that I was trans if I were gay I'd be gay. I lived that and I can say without a doubt that that isn't and wasn't me. This is why I wish trans topics would be discussed in 6th grade health classes. It would save sooooo many struggling teens so much time who are questioning who they are.

[myraey]

Not really. First time I wanted to be a girl was when i was 4 or 5. In my teens the thoughts did not go away. In my teens into my early 20s I did consider my sexual orientation. The thought about being a gay guy did cross my mind. I had thought about possibly transitioning and hormone treatments but did not think it really was for me. Sure some guys are hot. Feeling female is the thing and I am not into being a gay male

[emilyking]

Honestly, growing up I never was attracted to guys or girls.  As I would later learn, I was Asexual.
When I figured out the whole gender thing at 14, I figured I'd be a lesbian.  And it's weird, because growing up you always see the guy gets the girl.

Now that I've been on HRT for a while now, wow my sexuality has changed.  I can totally see my self with a hetro guy.  However, I need the surgery first before I even start thinking of dating (Not to say I've started noticing some cute guys).

I think it's a good question to ask, because there seams to be going around that there are mainly two types of Transsexuals.

   

[bingunginter]

Before transition :I identify as male on the inside,
After physical transformation: I identify as male on the inside and female on the outside.
Sexual orientation: Mainly attracted to feminine self(including scenario where I'm having sex with man but the men in this case is more like a prop to heighten the arousal) and some hetero attraction to woman.

[Christine Eryn]

As I've mentioned before, growing up, you were pretty much labeled gay if you "thought you were a woman in a man's body". So I thought, hmm, maybe there's something to that. I was really never attracted to males. I think years of HRT has changed that though. There are some mighty good looking guys out there!

[Fiorella93]

/well, long story short. I took on a gay identity because transition seemed too much for me  (though I want it since my early childhood). I got aroused by gay porn -especially by the strong machismo, bdsm kind. But this kind of approach turned out an ilusion as I found myself unable to build any kind of relationship with a gay guy (always got along better with straight men). There was something wrong all the time, both psychologically and physically. All in the meanwhile I found myself more than aroused by straight porn... and I always identified with the girls. Recently it's the only element of my sexual focus. So I guess it only lasted as long as the puberty testosterone. I guess I represssed my transsexuality strongly and tried to vent it with gay porn.

[Lucrezia333]

I never saw myself as a gay man, but as kid I was a slim, long haired girly goth, people always assumed I was.

[irene95x]

I did, I came out as "gay" when I was 17, but it felt incredibly... wrong. I thought that I would be able to forget about the whole transgender thing and just be fine with a male partner, but I realised that the way I feel about my gender is completely separate from my sexuality. I had no doubts in my mind when I would go online as a 10-15 year old kid and call myself a STRAIGHT FEMALE... it felt right, I didn't feel like I was lying to anybody.

After about a year and a half of coming out as "gay" I couldn't take it any more, I was getting constant headaches, my heart was racing all the time, I would never get any sleep, I'd just stay up all night quietly crying. I was just incredibly unhappy, I had to tell my mother the truth, and I'm extremely glad I did, I have an appointment with the endocrinologist next week.

[Juliett]

I always knew that I wasn't male even before I accepted that I was female, so being a "gay male" simply wasn't possible. I was a virgin in every way until I met my current bf. I'm pansexual so I never really worried about my sexuality. And all porn is icky to be honest.

[big kim]

No I was a bi male then a bi female

[kariann330]

I was a bi male who preferred to be with guys over women. Now I'm a bi woman who still prefers guys.

[TaoRaven]

I didn't know WHAT the Hell I was. I tried everything, and nothing felt right. I knew I wasn't gay...but I did enjoy sex with men...just not gay men, and I could NEVER "top".

Of course now I realize that I am a 100% heterosexual female, and completely man crazy. Now I just need the appropriate equipment.

[irene95x]

It's a really hard feeling to explain to people, like, I am crazy about guys, when I see one I'm attracted to, I get all crazy about him, but I could just never see myself with him as a male... I remember being a little kid... getting so worked up about an actor I would have a crush on... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dean_Geyer < that guy back in the day ;3 and I would just imagine myself as a female, and him cuddling me...

I'm so lame ;-;

[Julia-Madrid]

I tend to fall in love with personalities more than with genders.  Two years ago I divorced my then wife for a variety of reasons. I moved to a new city and tried to be gay.   I hoped that the gay world would be a comfortable enough place for me to find a balance between my dysphoria and my desire for men, but I soon came to realise that I just don't think or act like a gay man. 

My first boyfriend in Madrid remains a dear friend.  My second boyfriend was a very intense person and it was with him that I realised I wanted something like the emotional and physical intensity we had, but that I wanted it as a woman.  He too remains a friend. 

And I am now on the way to becoming a (probably) hetero woman.  When people ask me what kind of person I would envisage myself bring with, the most honest answer is just to say "A good person" and leave it at that.

[Hideyoshi]

Did anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?

I guess i'm confused because recently I've been questioning my gender but I have ALWAYS identified as a gay male, attracted to other gay men and find gay sex VERY appealing and used to watch hours and hours of gay porn growing up. I am 26 years only now. I have always been a more "fem" gay and sometimes I "feel" girly on the inside but I always just thought the "girly" feeling was the "gay" in me because most gay men are kind of girly.

Any thoughts or opinions are much appreciated. And please dont just respond with "you need to see a therapist" or "you have to figure it out on your own" because those two things are obvious but was just wondering how others felt. Thanks!

I've identified as gay since about 2006.  I started having what seemed like dysphoria back in 2007ish, and being in my first relationship in 2010 put it into high gear until I couldn't take it anymore in 2012 and started hormones. 

[Rose City Rose]

Yes, I now identify as a straight female, but I still like gay porn.

And you know what?  Something like 40% of straight women who look at porn prefer gay porn to straight porn.  It's OK and you're not going to lose your straight woman card for it.

For me the realization came to me when I could no longer top, even though I was always being asked to top.  I always wanted to be on bottom with an affectionately dominant top, but the chance rarely came up; a lot of the gay doms I found were classic narcissists.  Only the first guy I was ever with actually cared or was skilled enough to put me in a female headspace, and I spent years of promiscuous sex with guys trying to find another affectionate top who would do that to me.  I tried fetish feminization too, and cross-dressing. None of them appealed to me.  It felt like I was keeping my true self locked in the bedroom like one of my sex toys and it just felt dirty and wrong.  I had to admit to myself after, getting into a lot of extreme fetishes, that all I really wanted or enjoyed was to make love as a straight woman and be able to go out of the bedroom and see the rest of the world as a straight woman too.

[FrancisAnn]

I've been with lots of men & enjoyed all of them. Oral & anal sex galore however I've never felt "gay". I've always felt like a girl or woman & it all seemed so "normal" for me. The only thing that was not normal was that I did not have a nice deep vagina between my legs, more feminine...... I only cared to be with straight men.