Identify as gay male before transition?

[ryguy]

Did anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?

I guess i'm confused because recently I've been questioning my gender but I have ALWAYS identified as a gay male, attracted to other gay men and find gay sex VERY appealing and used to watch hours and hours of gay porn growing up. I am 26 years only now. I have always been a more "fem" gay and sometimes I "feel" girly on the inside but I always just thought the "girly" feeling was the "gay" in me because most gay men are kind of girly.

Any thoughts or opinions are much appreciated. And please dont just respond with "you need to see a therapist" or "you have to figure it out on your own" because those two things are obvious but was just wondering how others felt. Thanks!

[kelly_aus]

I came out as a gay guy at about 19.. Lived my life until I came out as trans as the femme gay guy. That said, I knew it was a lie, it was merely a way for me to be more the real me.

Funny thing was, I could never get emotionally attached to a guy, women I fell for at the drop of a hat..

Which probably explains why I'm a lesbian now..

[JennX]

Nope. Never identified with or contemplated a homosexual lifestyle.

[Danielle Emmalee]

I find gay sex disgusting, personally.  I have no issue with gay men or even straight men who have sex with men who enjoy doing it, but I don't want to see it, it makes me sick.  I have been attracted to gay men physically, mainly the stereotypical "twink" variety, but just physically.  I've never wanted to be with one.  I've not identified as a gay man internally, but I did go through a phase where I outwardly identified as a gay man, just to relieve some dysphoria by feeling more comfortable and socially accepted acting and dressing as I wanted to.

[stephaniec]

No never thought about being gay. I'm bi though. Have always viewed myself as female. I have always strived for womanhood.

[ath]

I've always been like 98% attracted to women.

The 2% missing is the -extremely- rare guy that I find attractive. Even then they never hold a candle to really attractive women.

I've also only ever been romantically interested and in relationships with women (and I am with one now, who knows I'm transitioning and is totally supportive).

I have no idea what the future holds, though, because I just started HRT today. For all I know I could be one of those people who ends up having a shift in sexual orientation after HRT. Or, not. I feel like I'll always only like women, though.

[FrancisAnn]

I have only considered myself as a hetrosexual woman. I've always been attracted to men however only as a woman to receive & enjoy men. I still love to make a man very satisfied. I've always enjoyed receiving men & for myself I should have followed thru long ago with a complete improvement of my body with SRS.

[Chic]

Yeah, I identify as a gay male for now, but when I transition I'm going to identify as a straight female

[Ltl89]

Did anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?

I guess i'm confused because recently I've been questioning my gender but I have ALWAYS identified as a gay male, attracted to other gay men and find gay sex VERY appealing and used to watch hours and hours of gay porn growing up. I am 26 years only now. I have always been a more "fem" gay and sometimes I "feel" girly on the inside but I always just thought the "girly" feeling was the "gay" in me because most gay men are kind of girly.

Any thoughts or opinions are much appreciated. And please dont just respond with "you need to see a therapist" or "you have to figure it out on your own" because those two things are obvious but was just wondering how others felt. Thanks!

Yes and no.  Ever since I was young, I felt like I should be a girl or really wished I could have been one.  However, I was and am attracted to men and was forced to live as a guy, so in a way I could identify with gay men even if I felt my situation was different.  It's weird because I'm not a gay guy yet I can relate a lot with what they go through.  In fact, I came out as gay to a few friends prior to transitioning, so it was sort of a part of my identity even though I've always felt like a girl. 

Honestly, I've never considered the sexuality of a guy before liking someone. It's irrelevant if he's gay or straight.  If I like him, I like him. 

In terms of intimacy, I would say I'm likely no different in my views than most straight women. 

There is a big difference between what gay men and straight women feel.  I love gay guys and my heart goes out to you, but it really comes down to gender identity more than sexuality.  Transwomen come in all different sexualities.  The thing that links us together is the fact that we identitfy as female regardless of our sexuality or feminity levels.  Gay men, no matter how girly, often see themselves as men and strive to live as one.  That's the big difference. 

When you say girly, what do you mean?  How do you feel girly?

[ryguy]

Learningtolive- I understand where your coming from and I know it really has nothing to do with sexuality and what not, but don't most trans women who are attracted to men feel the need to be with a straight man and be treating like a straight woman and want everything a straight woman would want?

I have NEVER felt that way, I have always felt like a gay boy. Growing up I did have crushes on certain boys, gay or straight but I would always wish that the straight ones were gay. I never thought I wanted to be a woman and date them, I wanted them to be gay so I could date them as me, a boy. But maybe I only felt that way because I knew I was born male and not female. But even to this day, I dont ever fantasize about sleeping with a man as a woman. I also thought hetero sex was kinda of gross and find gay sex very appealing and I enjoy it.

When I saw I feel girly, I guess I mean flamboyant. I feel like a flamboyant boy and it comes out more around certain people that I feeling comfortable with. For example, my friends always tease me and say "you could never pass as a straight guy if you tried" because im more of a fem male. My friends joke and say I'm sort of like Jack from Will and Grace but maybe a little less flamboyant.

[sad panda]

wrong forum maybe lol, most people here liked girls. Idk. I kinda identify as a gay male now and I live full time as a girl. hah.....

[Jamie D]

ryguy - I saw myself as bi-gendered and bi-sexual.  I think, maybe now, I would say my "genderfluid."

But gender identity is largely separate from sexual orientation.  One of the defining points of being transgendered is the feeling the the "person inside" you body is not 100% congruent with the physical sex.  For those who have a very strong sense of gender dysphoria, transition may become a life-or-death necessity.

It's fine to identify as whatever you feel, and it is equally fine to explore the dimensions of your gender here.  One of my personal favorites here, "dalebert," is a gay male who has a web podcast.

The transgender community here welcomes all of the folks who identify as TG/TS, including drag queens and drag kings, crossdressers, as well as allies.

Welcome! 

[ryguy]

Thank you everyone for all your responses it helps a lot and I appreciate everyone being friendly and helpful!

I think some are misunderstanding my question though. I UNDERSTAND that gender and sexual orientation are different but what I'm asking is if any of you that are attracted to MEN and were born as MEN thought they might be just a gay MAN growing up. Or did you always feel like you were a straight woman inside and never identified as "gay?"

And im asking specific questions, did you watch gay porn when you were a male? are you interested in gay sex or heterosex? Does being with another male not interest you and and you only see yourself as a straight women with a straight man?

This question is mainly for MTF who identify as STRAIGHT WOMEN. Thank you and sorry for all the CAPS haha just trying to be clear on what im asking....

[Ltl89]

Learningtolive- I understand where your coming from and I know it really has nothing to do with sexuality and what not, but don't most trans women who are attracted to men feel the need to be with a straight man and be treating like a straight woman and want everything a straight woman would want?

I have NEVER felt that way, I have always felt like a gay boy. Growing up I did have crushes on certain boys, gay or straight but I would always wish that the straight ones were gay. I never thought I wanted to be a woman and date them, I wanted them to be gay so I could date them as me, a boy. But maybe I only felt that way because I knew I was born male and not female. But even to this day, I dont ever fantasize about sleeping with a man as a woman. I also thought hetero sex was kinda of gross and find gay sex very appealing and I enjoy it.

When I saw I feel girly, I guess I mean flamboyant. I feel like a flamboyant boy and it comes out more around certain people that I feeling comfortable with. For example, my friends always tease me and say "you could never pass as a straight guy if you tried" because im more of a fem male. My friends joke and say I'm sort of like Jack from Will and Grace but maybe a little less flamboyant.

Well, most of us that are straight would prefer a typical boy-girl relationship, so yes.  However, I really think some gay guys are really cute.  I don't know.  There are plenty of attractive guys regarldess of their orientation.  Though, you are probably right that it wouldn't work out in a romantic sense since I wish to be seen and treated as female and he doesn't feel the same.  And depending on the woman, some may not have an issue or enjoy being intimate prior to  the surgery and can find it appealing.  So gay intimacy as you put it doesn't have to be "gay". 

Some transwomen were also flamboyant before coming out, but it seems that's not the most common scenario.  I don't know.  Everyone is different.  Being flamboyant, however, isn't necessarily indicative of being trans over a gay man.

[PrincessPatience]

I did for most of my teen years. During that time i sometimes watch x-rated videos and pretend i had a vagina. However i always knew what transgender was and never really identified with being trans even though i always felt connected more to females. The possibility of how my life would be as a transgender person would pop into my head every now and then.  I remember one time during my teenage years i tried dress on and it felt weird then i put the thought in the back of my head. When i turned about 18/19 i started to have this genderqueer/crossdresser phase. Last year was when i decided i was transgender and when it hits you, you'll know.  Looking back it all makes sense now and the signs were all there. I think could've caught on to it sooner if i paid more attention to myself rather than other things.

[judithlynn]

Well, this is an interesting question

When I  was in my mid teens just after I had left home and moved to London, I always knew I was transgender, but back then of course things were so different than today. Then I thought I was Gay and I was a very effeminate boy. I am not sure I remember how it happened but I went through a Phase of always wanting to be dominated and I ended up living as a House Boy for  this older School master for about 5 months.  Basically all I wanted to do was dress as a girl, but when he was home, he wanted me in tight boy shorts.  I did all the housework, shopping, cleaning and so on and was expected to sleep with him, but funnily enough he never wanted have penetrative sex with me. Which was good as  I have only ever wanted to have sexual relationships as a woman.

However he was into BDSM and if I displeased him I got a beating. As time when on though, I wanted to be myself more and more and he hated this as he just wanted just a very feminine boy around him.  He hated bodily hair on me, which was great as I had regular waxing, plus every night  before bed he gave me an inspection wanting to ensure I was clean all over, clean teeth, plus checking out all the crevices etc.

Anything out of place and I got beaten, but I tried to please him as much as possible including oral on him, but I didn't want him touching me down there as I was very dysphoric then.

After 5 months and one or two Gay encounters, I decided I really was'nt gay and was not really attracted to other men and decided one day I would have to get on with my life as best as I could in my male self. Since then I have been 100% focussed on female relationship with many relationships both during my real life transition phases and before it, although I did have two male relationships as Judith in the UK whilst living full time when I first transitioned. One with one of my ex girlfriends (ex boyfriend) and one with a polymorphic couple, although I was more attracted to the wife, but we saw each other over many months most weekends, with both of them totally treating me as a woman.
JudithLynn

[sad panda]

Thank you everyone for all your responses it helps a lot and I appreciate everyone being friendly and helpful!

I think some are misunderstanding my question though. I UNDERSTAND that gender and sexual orientation are different but what I'm asking is if any of you that are attracted to MEN and were born as MEN thought they might be just a gay MAN growing up. Or did you always feel like you were a straight woman inside and never identified as "gay?"

And im asking specific questions, did you watch gay porn when you were a male? are you interested in gay sex or heterosex? Does being with another male not interest you and and you only see yourself as a straight women with a straight man?

This question is mainly for MTF who identify as STRAIGHT WOMEN. Thank you and sorry for all the CAPS haha just trying to be clear on what im asking....

I have identified as a gay male but also felt different than most gay men. My current identity is like straight should have been a woman but would rather be a cis guy than trans anything if I could pass as a cis guy, so I end up gay in that sense. More in common generally with gay men than straight cis men, but way less in common than with straight cis women.

Like I was less hypersexual, I have tried gay porn but it's too like, idk. Bland and loveless. I never understood male sexuality in that sense. I like yaoi better, go figure. I have never been the type of person who thinks about sex often though. Maybe I'm a little pan cuz I care more about love itself and experiences and connection, sex is not the most important part at all. But I pretty strictly prefer guys, I can appreciate stories or things with girls in them, and I can find it beautiful, but I couldn't romantically be interested in a girl ever. I can't imagine that at all.

Do I like gay sex? I like the idea more than participating. I think it could be so beautiful but it hurts. a lot. for me...

So yeah i prefer hetero but i will prob neve have hetero sex (cuz at this rate idk if i will get the op or stay trans) Again, I am not exactly a feminist lol since I can only approach sex as an object. Sex is not for me, it is for him, and in that sense it can be a little for me. pretty broken. That's just baggage though... :/

Also, equal relationships... This sounds horrid and heteronormative and all kinds of backwards but I can't do role equality. I need a guy who will be half my dad and half my man. I need to be the sub and he needs to be the dom. Bar none... it's not again cuz the idea of equality is bad, my personality just won't sustain it. I'm the demure one, he's the assertive one. It has to be like that for me personally to survive it... ahich is a lot easier to end up with as an immature girl, not that that doesn't happen ever with gay guys just...

So I think there's a difference but. I mean I think there's still some common bond I have withother girls that they probs wouldn't feel with a gay guy, no matter how femme he was. Even if it's just cuz of appearance at the end of the day, (and some specific unique experiences) but it can't really be helped... having lived as an ostensibly cis girl for s long time, there's just differences that are going to be there. Or maybe it was always that way, idk. And it's not just about brung oerceived as a cis girl. I talked to this a lot with my cis friend who knows I am trans and like, talked about how i could be a boy somehow and she has trouble seeing it too. Like she doesn't think you can be like that except in a yaoi or something and i am losing hope that she is wrong.

I don't think being a trans woman makes me happier than a gay guy though. If I could look the part and was stable enough. i would detransition asap. I hate being trans, not gonna sugarcoat it. I can't handle it.

Honestly this stuff is REALLY frustrating, cuz there is no community of people like me. Anywhere, I think :c nobody understands, ugh.

(sorry for typos, on my phone)

[amZo]

Did anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?

I've never identified as a gay male but I've always desired being a heterosexual female. I don't find gay sex appealing. Most of my sexual fantasies have been as a woman with men. I've never been very interested in porn. It doesn't bother me, but if I ever do watch it, it's not for long, it gets boring pretty quick for me.

[warlockmaker]

When growing up I had a younger brother that was a famous gay in my city and changed the laws relating to gays and founded LGBT here. I was greatly exposed to the gay community and many tried to convert me. I knew I was not gay and didn't know there was the TS option till much later. In my case no I was not gay but in my fantacies where I was a female then being with a fantasy male felt normal.

[mandonlym]

I happily identified and lived as a gay man until I was 24, but was consistently mistaken for a woman throughout my life so maybe that's why I didn't actively feel dysmorphia. I thought of myself as dual gendered but it wasn't worthwhile to transition and I was attracted to men so I was de facto a gay man.

Then I became friends with a transwoman and became curious, so I decided to dress in women's clothes all the time and see what that's like. It ended up being much more comfortable, so that led me down the path to transition.

As a gay man I watched gay porn and straight porn, but didn't actively think of having sex as a woman. But I also didn't like penetrative sex as a man in either position. Now my sex life is much richer and more pleasurable.