Am I FTM?

[Matthias]

This is my first time actually making a post so sorry if I've messed something up. Lately I've been questioning my gender but each time i try to resolve it i just end up going in circles and getting confused and just getting generally frustrated at everything. I've read some of the posts for other people who are confused and saw supportive and helpful answers so I'm hoping that you guys can maybe ease my mind. I know that no one can make up my mind for me but right now I'm so confused that i don't know what my own mind is. I just need some outside opinions before i go insane.

Reasons I think I might be transgender:
I've only recently started questioning it but i have had dreams where i am a man (in body) rather than what i actually look like.
I hate my chest. When i take showers i actively avoid looking at it and the rest of my body. I also don't want anyone to see it or touch it. I've considered the possibility that i might just be nervous (because the only kisses i get are from my dogs and the closest I've been with anyone is holding their hand) but i feel like it's more than that.
I tend to dress less femininely then other girls. I don't wear the frilly tank tops or low cut tops that seem to be the style now. I wear jeans, a t-shirt, maybe a v-neck, or sweater.
I admire my dad and a lot of other manly people and i think it's less that i like people like them (though i do) and more like i want to be them.
I have short hair. I know that that says absolutely nothing. Plenty of women have straight hair but now i wonder if it was because i like looking similar to a boy.
When my Mom was trying to sell something heavy some random people came in thinking i was a boy because they'd seen me from the window with my short hair and lanky build. I wasn't offended by this, i was actually a little happy.
When i was little i was a total tomboy. You couldn't get my into a dress unless you were prepared for a fight. Even when i was twelve to fifteen i would wear a baggy t-shirt and Capri's instead of "short" shorts.
I think those are all my reasons for thinking i might be FTM but now we get to the reasons why I might not be...

Reasons why i doubt my being transgender:
I like wearing dresses. I know i said i don't usually dress femininely but when i have to i do enjoy it and sometimes i want to. Sometimes they're super pretty and i just see myself in them. Beyond that i don't dress super girly. I don't wear skirts or frilly tank tops (as i mentioned), only dresses.
This is more of a fear then a doubt. I absolutely love singing. I took choir in middle school and still sing in the shower to this day. I don't think i would ever become a professional but i still fear that doing hrt will ruin my voice and that makes me kind of sad. I'm not sure if it would hold me back from transitioning though.
I'm not sure i really want my "bottom" to change. I've read things on surgeries and such but I'm not sure that i would think a penis is any better than a vagina. I've had an extremely innocent childhood so when i started looking up surgeries i got a shock. This is what it means to be male?!? But I'm not so sure it is. I don't think you really need a penis to know that you're male or classify yourself as male, i think it's more in the way you regard yourself but i could be incredibly wrong. Then when i look up FTM's i see that most of them desire the surgery and that they are disgusted with their body. I'm not that opposed to my bottom half. It's mostly my top half that i take offense to. Maybe it's because i will still look like a guy if i change my top only.
I might still shave after (if) i transition. Only my legs so i'm not too worried about that, swimmers shave their legs don't they? But besides that i might do other feminine things. I like lotions and candles and things that smell amazing, i like flowers and adorable things. I know there are feminine males but if i'm this feminine do i have a right to even suppose i might be FTM? It makes me wonder why i think i need to transition.
This is the biggest thing. I can imagine my life as a woman and i know that i could be fairly happy. I would be one of those geeky girls whose into anime and LOTR who would marry one of those geeky guys and i would have child and a nice house and all that jazz. It all seems so great and like something most women would dream of having. But now when i think of it it looks like the easy way. But is that just because i've been thinking of transitioning or have i always felt that way?
I could easily have a nice life so maybe I've just talked myself into it to excite my life or to prove i can be happy another way. That sounds weird but i feel like my own mind is playing tricks on me right now.

I can't tell if i want to be a man or if i just like the idea of being a man. Can anyone give me some advice? Way's to tell you're transgender or something like that? Or tell me how you knew? It seems like it varies from person to person but is there just a bottom line indication or test?

[Polo]

I think several of us have asked similar questions you posted toward the end.

The thing is, it really does vary from person to person.  It sounds cheesy, but it comes down to what makes you happiest.  Sometimes, when I used to get too confused thinking about if I was genderqueer or androgyne or FTM or just a masculine woman, I simplified it; narrowed my thought process down to what made me happy, and then I did them.  I liked dressing in a masculine way, I liked having short hair, I liked being treated as a guy by people who didn't know me. I liked making my chest as flat as possible, I liked taking the role of the man in romantic interactions.  I simplified and focused my thoughts on things I was sure of, then I did what made me feel happiest.

There are 2 types of gender dysphoria: physical dysphoria (wanting to change your body) and social dysphoria (wanting to change the way society treats you).  Most Trans* people have an amount of both, but many have more of one than the other.  I myself have more social dysphoria than physical dysphoria, and I don't have any pressing need for bottom surgery currently.

Remember there is a difference between what you LIKE and what you ARE.  Just because you like fragrant soaps and lotions and flowers (I'm a sucker for the smell of narcissus in the springtime) doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be a guy/androgyne/masculine-of-center person.  If being a guy who wears a dress on occasion makes you happy, then do that!

You may also want to look into Genderfluid : some people feel more masculine some days, and more feminine other days.  You can be Genderfluid for years and then decide you lean more toward one gender or another, or neither; you can be whatever you want to be

[Kreuzfidel]

Hi and welcome to Susan's.  Asking these kinds of questions is healthy and I think that you're doing the right thing.

Nothing you've said thus far indicates either way for me if you are or if you aren't an FTM transsexual/transgender.

Many FTM's have things in common with you that you've described here - but then again, so do many genderqueer/genderfluid/androgyne people.  Also, many of the things you've described are also experienced by women who aren't FTM, genderqueer or any of the above. 

The only way to truly answer your question would be for you to seek the advice of a professional.  By that, I mean a therapist/psychotherapist/psychologist/psychiatrist who can help you to sort through your feelings and doubts and come to understand why you feel the way you do. 

None of us here can answer your question for you because a) we don't know you IRL and b) we aren't professionals.  We can only share experiences and similarities, but again - you will also find that there are non-trans* people who also share a great deal of the feelings you have.  So there is no way to answer your question.

For some of us, we are aware of our innate gender from our earliest memories.  For others, it's a conclusion arrived at after lengthy self-exploration and therapy. 

[LordKAT]

You are the only person who can really answer that question. I would like you to think about the idea that you may not be FTM but be more of Androgyne. It is OK to like parts of what many see as female or male. You can be either or both, there are many who feel they are somewhere in between male and female, even when leaning more to one side or the other.

[Emerson]

When I asked these kinds of questions to my therapist she said, "Emerson, you only have to make one choice. Just choose to be comfortable in your skin. Who do you have to be to be the person you want to be. "

You don't really have to KNOW that you are transgender or FTM. just do what feels right.

You could, for example, take t, wear a packer, use make pronouns, and still wear a dress sometimes. Cismen do that sometimes .