Still afraid of the public

[Just Shelly]

Well, you look great but I would lose the scarf. Anytime I see someone wearing a scarf, I think she must be trying to hide her adam's apple. And now with the whole Bruce Jenner tracheal shave thingy that's only going to be amplified.

I really don't think other women are thinking this way!

The scarfs are real popular where I live....she would blend right in!! I wish I could coordinate to wear mine more often!

Kira I think your very much like me early on...even now I have my insecurities but not as much about how I appear but rather how I fit in...I too try to look nice when leaving the house, most times its still casual but nice. The times I am looking better or dressed for my figure is when I feel other women do not like me...but I get that same feeling towards some of the women that are also a little more high maintenance.

I think we are much alike...I consider my body shape my biggest female marker and feel that I am not that attractive compared to most women...but I have been told otherwise. You look fine!! Are you beautiful? I don't know? everyone's definition is different....but you are far from ugly and definitely above average. The dimples are a definite plus!!

I've been told by a number of men that I am attractive....I never believe them and think their just being nice. I wish I knew if they were being honest.

[ath]

When I was in the U.S., some people disapproved me because of their religion.

Could you expand on this? How did they show their disapproval? Just curious because I live in a rather conservative area in the US.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Sorry, this blonde just got up, long night. Have they UPPED your HRT lately? When me levels got low the fear would sometimes be in my head, but I was not paralyzed by it. Increases helped a lot.

Yes I have upped my dose slightly. my oestrogen went up to 125% WIth a small increase, I am not sure if that plays *too* much of a factor. Its not like it just started :-/

Sweetie, I know this is hard, but how you think people see you is based largely on how you see yourself. And those feelings you project onto others.

You are properly beautiful, but me saying that won't make an ounce of difference if you can't see it yourself.

When will it stop? It will stop when you accept yourself. Then you won't be worrying if others accept you.

*hugs*

That sounds very wise. I know its all fear as I have not been identifiably read so far, but its mirror talking in my head not the read I get on the faces of others.

Sad Panda: I am afraid that I don't have the money for a therapist.

Izzy and LtL: Thanks :-)

Barbie: I used to present as a very camp man and that never bothered me at all, in fact I liked it. Now, I am scared. Properly scared.

Jamie D: I work with people too in the next city. I am still worried amongst them. Even people that I have known as me for months. It has got better though. The public is still a problem for me.  Hmmmm, maybe you are right though. Maybe I just need to make it normal. Project tme :-)

ath: Thank you :-) My body is probably my strongest female indicator. I rarely question its passability and when I see head only mirror I have a much bigger problem than full length.

Trillium: I understand that and I thought that transition would be very easy on me in that respect.

This is my before picture http://neuronet.highlyillogical.org/cd/16.jpg

I was very wrong.

Just Shelly: Yep, girls around here wear a lot of scarfs. I was at a dress making class last week and, out of nearly ten, there was one who wasn;t wearing a scarf. I think, like with you, it will just resolve itself slowly, but I am not the kind of girl to not push things along and face things head on if I can.

Thanks everyone. :-)

x

[barbie]

Could you expand on this? How did they show their disapproval? Just curious because I live in a rather conservative area in the US.

I lived in rural, southern Maryland where most people are Catholic with Irish heritage. Not all of them, but some of them openly revealed their hostility to me. I have never experienced such hostility based on religion in other countries.

barbie~~

[Ms Grace]

So here I am, stuck in the poisition of having to 'get over it' but not knowing how to, or when it will end.

Sorry to say but the social phobia will only end when you decide to put an end to it. And really, the only way to do that is to stop worrying about what other people think - please believe in yourself and your beauty (and I don't say that glibly), build up your confidence and start living your life without fear. Yes, yes - easier said than done. Consider talking to a professional about it - possibly you are suffering from agoraphobia or other similar anxiety - they will be able to recommend coping mechanisms. It will take some time and courage to overcome but what have you got to lose - other than getting the most out of the accomplished life you deserve to live?

[Dahlia]

Hell, I am still afraid of anyone who doesn't know that I am trans. I have a group of cis girl friends who dont know that I am trans and I am constantly afraid of being read. Less so with them, as they haven't read me up until

Oh....but you don't talk about periods, boyfriends, wanting to have children etc? And they don't notice you being nervous etc?

[Joan]

One more vote for the scarf

You look great.  As everyone has said if you need professional help to get past this then find some, but I don't think you have anything to be worried about.  You are a woman.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Indeed you look really nice and I highly doubt that someone would be able to tell that you are trans by looking at you...

Anyways when I go out I like listening to music, it kinda gives me courage and makes me forget about the pass /non pass stuff...
when I m not listening to music I find myself constantly looking other people wondering what they think about me etc...its wierd...


Hhhhm I guess it just something that needs time...

[sam79]

Hi Kira.

The C word has been mentioned a few times... Confidence. It really is the key .

To add my perspective, I've been full time for only 3 months, and part time before that for a couple of months. At the moment I pass pretty well, but do occasionally get 'read', but it really doesn't bother me too much. I can't let it bother me too much... And like you, FFS will soon help me with that .

The confidence I found was when I was part time. I decided to do some volunteer work in a safe area as the real me... It was so scary, I was just about shaking on the first morning. Knowing full well that I didn't pass well. You know what happened? Lots of strange looks, a few giggles, and that's about it. People were generally rather polite. Going through that somehow let me let go of caring about what people think, and that gave me a good amount of confidence that I slowly built upon.

And confidence allowed me to be relaxed out in the world, and that only helps with passing too.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Oh....but you don't talk about periods, boyfriends, wanting to have children etc? And they don't notice you being nervous etc?

I am not sure of what u r getting at with this post.  I do talk about children and boyfriends,  not much about periods but it has come up once or twice on the topic of mood change so I joined in with my experience (my hormones cycle and I get monthly changes) .  Do they notice I am nervous? Maybe.  I don't know.  I do all the things I know how to do; try and act relaxed (its the trappings), tell myself positive things,  never change mind or plans on the basis of fear.  So how much they can tell,  I don't know. 

Could u let me know what ur getting at? Sorry, I am probably being slow.

X

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Thanks Grace.  I am not afraid of spaces,  it the people -  specifically people I don't know.

Thanks for ur kind words Emily and Joan. 

FP, I actually remember thinking the same myself a while ago but it has slipped my mind, so I hadn't been listening to music.  Thanks. Sammy rose -  I work with students.  Lots of them. I am less nervous around the ones I know but the others that I don't still make me nervous. It's a public thing.

Thanks again

X

[stephaniec]

I lived in rural, southern Maryland where most people are Catholic with Irish heritage. Not all of them, but some of them openly revealed their hostility to me. I have never experienced such hostility based on religion in other countries.

barbie~~

Barbie, I'm so sorry that happened to you .I'm Irish catholic and that's totally unacceptable

[Dahlia]

Seriously... You did not mean that those are the only topics which women will discuss when they are in purely female company, did You?

Not all the time but sometimes...or regular of often or what, but they do talk about that amongst eachother.....especially when they're  late teenagers/early 20's.
Didn't that occur to you? Didn't it?

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Oh....but you don't talk about periods, boyfriends, wanting to have children etc? And they don't notice you being nervous etc?

That stuff almost never comes up unless: 1. someone is complaining about how much periods suck. 2. Their boyfriend is a total dick and how they wish to be rid of the loser. 3. Never. If they already have children, it's usually a discussion about they drive them insane and the lack of sleep that results from that.

Speaking for myself, I am damn glad that I will never experience any of those three things. It's one of the few good things about being trans. But, even if I were a genetic girl, points 2 and 3 would have never been an issue anyway since I would be a lesbian and I would never...ever want to have children.

[Joanna Dark]

I should have clarified: scarves are fine--for the winter. If you wear it open like in the one pic, no problem. But covering your neck or wearing turtlenecks, if people are already thinking, hmm something is wrong, will be a tell. The adam's apple is the biggest tell. Then facial hair. But it's winter so I assume that is the point. Sorry, if I came across wrong. it wasn't my intention. I just think she passes great as is, and why possibly add a tell! There is even a joke on How I met Your Mother about how to spot a trap. The answer: turtlenecks or scarves. So, I'm not alone and didn't think of this myself. I was just trying to help because the OP passes great as is.

I guess I'm lucky in that I have no adam's apple so maybe I shouldnt speak on the topic. SRSLY, just trying to help as the OP is insecure and the point of her post is to end that. She didn't want people to mince words.

[Ms Grace]

Thanks Grace.  I am not afraid of spaces,  it the people -  specifically people I don't know.

Yes, but agoraphobia covers crowds/people too...at any rate you might benefit from talking with someone like a counsellor who can give you a way to cope with your anxieties, they would hopefully start small and build you up until you can deal with big groups. And seriously, if you haven't been made through the close scrutiny of a group of women friends it's highly anyone on the street would think of you as anything but female.

[Joanna Dark]

That stuff almost never comes up unless: 1. someone is complaining about how much periods suck. 2. Their boyfriend is a total dick and how they wish to be rid of the loser. 3. Never. If they already have children, it's usually a discussion about they drive them insane and the lack of sleep that results from that.

Speaking for myself, I am damn glad that I will never experience any of those three things. It's one of the few good things about being trans. But, even if I were a genetic girl, points 2 and 3 would have never been an issue anyway since I would be a lesbian and I would never...ever want to have children.

Stuff like this came up for me, not exactly the same, but about BC being used for skin and mood control. It came up in a convo between me, my mom and sister in law. Not the same thing but def similar. It does come up. But you're right LS it almost never does except in the three situations you mentioned. And being shy about it won't out you, it will make you look shy or prudish.

[BunnyBee]

Well, you look great but I would lose the scarf. Anytime I see someone wearing a scarf, I think she must be trying to hide her adam's apple. And now with the whole Bruce Jenner tracheal shave thingy that's only going to be amplified.

I like the scarves!  I don't think anybody would think anything about it unless you wore them everyday and never took them off or something.

[Joanna Dark]

I like the scarves!  I don't think anybody would think anything about it unless you wore them everyday and never took them off or something.

Lol i love scarfs too but i was just thinking...i can be wrong sometimes...in fact, im wrong all the time if you ask my, uh, ex

And yeah, you're right, unless you never took them of nobody would think a thing.

In fact, the other day i missed the train cause i couldnt find my scarf...and i have no adam's apple. it simply does not exist. So, i should stop saying whatever comes to my mind lol

[BunnyBee]

Lol no way.  Say what you think imo.  Sometimes you'll be right, sometimes not, but oh well .  I also lucked out in the AA dept.  one less surgery needed