Still afraid of the public

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Hey hey peoples :-)

I have been FT since August, and I was part time for a good while longer. I am not yet over being afraid of the public. Hell, I am still afraid of anyone who doesn't know that I am trans. I have a group of cis girl friends who dont know that I am trans and I am constantly afraid of being read. Less so with them, as they haven't read me up until now, but in public its still really hard. I can sit in my car not wanting to get out, for fear of being read and people staring at me.

When will it stop? When will I be able to walk out in public without having to catch my breathe? At the momentI am thinking when I am more confident in my passing ability, which is probably post ffs, but I suppose its not a good idea to consider *anything* to be a silver bullet.

I ask myself if I can live constantly worrying about how people see me. Its something that I thought would have gone by now and its interfering with my ability to function, socially. Detransition is not something that I can even consider doing. So here I am, stuck in the poisition of having to 'get over it' but not knowing how to, or when it will end.

I know nobody can say, it will take this long, but I feel a little lost.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks Akira x

[Jessica Merriman]

How long have you been on HRT?

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

10m and 4 days according to my ticker.

[Joanna Dark]

I ask myself if I can live constantly worrying about how people see me. Its something that I thought would have gone by now and its interfering with my ability to function, socially.

This is something women have dealt with for a long time. Watching ourselves. Granted, it is a little different since you're worried about being "found out?" But how would they "find out?" As long as you have had laser or whatnot, you should be fine. I have never seen a whole body pic of you so I can't be certain that there aren't other elements that would give you away, but I know in my own case the one thing people say, said, whatever, is why does she have that facial hair. I think that is the main tell for most people. Or, on the flip side for FTMs, a lack of it. But people gender by the face and not as often by the body. But they do sometimes. I know I was wearing a heavy men's coat one day and this homeless man was about to say something and he saw my face and was all "Uh, excuse me,that's a woman" after he saw my face and I looked him in the eyes. So, needless to say, I don't wear the coat that much, but you get my point.

The thing is women get watched and that play's on our psyche. I know I ask myself how somebody else sees me all the freaking time. Sometimes I think I look pretty and other times completely ugly. It's just one of those things. For me, I haven't had laser and there is a little I can do in the way of FFS beyond a nose job, which will only prettify me, it won't make me pass or not pass. I have no idea if this helps but all I can do is relate and say, I feel ya.The other day it was really bothering me and what I did was opened up my coat so people would stop looking at my eyes and start looking at my boobs lol true story

And I live in a huge city so escaping from the public isn't an option. I see thousands of people a day.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

These two pictures are probably most like me at the moment.



I dress considerately for my body type and my body is more female then my face, at least with clothes on. I have some curves, though I would like more, I would say that my body helps me pass rather than hinders passing.

I am not really looking for overly optimistic appraisals of how female I look.  I don't mind realistics cold hard truth appraisals, but being nice to me when I don't deserve it will come back to bite me in public later.

Its not all about physical though is it? Its psychological too.

[stephaniec]

I thin your just one of the many who are way to self critical . You look  very much a woman. No one would blink an eye thinking any thing other then just another pretty lady walking by

[Joanna Dark]

Well, you look great but I would lose the scarf. Anytime I see someone wearing a scarf, I think she must be trying to hide her adam's apple. And now with the whole Bruce Jenner tracheal shave thingy that's only going to be amplified.

[Jessica Merriman]

10m and 4 days according to my ticker.

Sorry, this blonde just got up, long night. Have they UPPED your HRT lately? When me levels got low the fear would sometimes be in my head, but I was not paralyzed by it. Increases helped a lot.

[Sephirah]

Sweetie, I know this is hard, but how you think people see you is based largely on how you see yourself. And those feelings you project onto others.

You are properly beautiful, but me saying that won't make an ounce of difference if you can't see it yourself.

When will it stop? It will stop when you accept yourself. Then you won't be worrying if others accept you.

*hugs*

[sad panda]

Can you see a therapist? I mean not a gender therapist, preferably a cis woman who works with anxieties and fears. Therapy can be a great place to have a safe relationship while learning to validate yourself.

[stephaniec]

This is something women have dealt with for a long time. Watching ourselves. Granted, it is a little different since you're worried about being "found out?" But how would they "find out?" As long as you have had laser or whatnot, you should be fine. I have never seen a whole body pic of you so I can't be certain that there aren't other elements that would give you away, but I know in my own case the one thing people say, said, whatever, is why does she have that facial hair. I think that is the main tell for most people. Or, on the flip side for FTMs, a lack of it. But people gender by the face and not as often by the body. But they do sometimes. I know I was wearing a heavy men's coat one day and this homeless man was about to say something and he saw my face and was all "Uh, excuse me,that's a woman" after he saw my face and I looked him in the eyes. So, needless to say, I don't wear the coat that much, but you get my point.

The thing is women get watched and that play's on our psyche. I know I ask myself how somebody else sees me all the freaking time. Sometimes I think I look pretty and other times completely ugly. It's just one of those things. For me, I haven't had laser and there is a little I can do in the way of FFS beyond a nose job, which will only prettify me, it won't make me pass or not pass. I have no idea if this helps but all I can do is relate and say, I feel ya.The other day it was really bothering me and what I did was opened up my coat so people would stop looking at my eyes and start looking at my boobs lol true story

And I live in a huge city so escaping from the public isn't an option. I see thousands of people a day.

I know it's difficult to look at things that way I tend to look at things, but the thing is this is who you are the hell be damned what others think.

[Ltl89]

I don't see any problems in those pictures.  There is no way I'd read that person as anything other than female.

I wish I could give you some advice, but I'm in the same boat, just much further behind. 

Good luck.  I hope it gets easier for you. 

[izzy]

Your are beautiful and unremarkably female. Many genetic women would love to have your looks. I think all it takes is self confidence and go out there..

[barbie]

I do not care whether I pass or not. It is their business, not mine.

My low voice easily reveals my biological sex. Nevertheless, I interact with people in the street. Asking the direction or the price. People watch me, and I enjoy it, especially when beautiful ladies study me.

Even if they know my biological sex, then what is the problem? Are they going to have sex with me? No. And, what's the matter? Mostly they are interested in my money and performance, not in my biological sex.

barbie~~

[JaimeD]

I used to be that way, it was to the point that I was abusing pain killers to be able to get out and even go grocery shopping. Then I took a huge chance and got a job working at a local store that everyone goes to. It was difficult for me at first, but in time, I adjusted and got to where I didn't think about being anxious or anything. Now I actually like it, don't care if I get read or not and apparently people see me as confident enough that they don't give me a hard time, even the ones that I know have issues with me being trans.

[stephaniec]

I do not care whether I pass or not. It is their business, not mine.

My low voice easily reveals my biological sex. Nevertheless, I interact with people in the street. Asking the direction or the price. People watch me, and I enjoy it, especially when beautiful ladies study me.

Even if they know my biological sex, then what is the problem? Are they going to have sex with me? No. And, what's the matter? Mostly they are interested in my money and performance, not in my biological sex.

barbie~~

I think they like your ability to dress quite fashionably

[Jessica Merriman]

I do not care whether I pass or not. It is their business, not mine.

My low voice easily reveals my biological sex. Nevertheless, I interact with people in the street. Asking the direction or the price. People watch me, and I enjoy it, especially when beautiful ladies study me.

Even if they know my biological sex, then what is the problem? Are they going to have sex with me? No. And, what's the matter? Mostly they are interested in my money and performance, not in my biological sex.

barbie~~

Words of wisdom Barbie! Confidence sells yourself to YOU. After that it sells to everyone.

[ath]

Honestly your face really looks female - and you have really cute dimples :3

If you say your body is more feminine than your face, I can tell you right now your worry is all in your head because your face definitely looks female. Not just female, but good looking female.

[Trillium]

I've been lucky in this regard, as a teen I was always quite rebellious and having long hair and being into the whole alternative music scene made going out dress feminine all the more easier.

Yes people took notice and very occasionally some would voice their disapprovement (Lived in London so most keep to them selves) but generally if you keep your head up (both metaphorically and physically) people will be accepting and sometimes even supportive, if not just curious. Yes there is the potential for more threatening encounters but it's generally obvious to see where that may be likely (places out of view from people/isolated/dark). But unless there is a likely risk of danger to you, it's worthwhile getting on with your life whether other disapprove or not. I still find it some what stressful in situations where people disapprove but I remind myself they're not indecent people (and those who are are very unlikely to to act out with others around) and I'm as safe as any other minority.

You look perfectly female enough but if you do get any hassle remember that you are who you are, anyone can challenge you in being unhappy with that but will always fail as long as you remain happy with who you are.

[barbie]

I think they like your ability to dress quite fashionably

Words of wisdom Barbie! Confidence sells yourself to YOU. After that it sells to everyone.

Yes. Self-confidence is the most important, and tastefulness is an extra. When I was in the U.S., some people disapproved me because of their religion. But here in my country, nobody does it based on their religion.

Most women I interact with wear plain and dull dresses for working. Guys usually comment that those girls should learn from me regarding fashion, and take care more of their appearance. Those girls praise my fashion items or hair styles.

Sometimes I intentionally reveal my biological sex by my low voice. Some female staffs or workers in restaurant or market treat me badly, showing some hostility. In that case, I reveal my voice, and they immediately make a big smile, greeting me happily.

barbie~~