Straight woman in love with a mtf transgender

[KaitlynLovesEmma]

Hi I'm kaitlyn! And the love of my life is Emma. She is the silliest sweetest most amazing soul I have ever met. I know god put her in my life to love forever. So all this should be gravy right? Well I'm straight. Never been attracted to women before. Emma has been on HRT for almost a year and everyday she looks more and more like a girl. We have been dating officially for about four months. So right now I'm starting to worry about all the things I will have to change to be with her the rest of my life. Which I am willing to change to have her but it's so hard to imagine. My dream wedding for instance. There will now be two dresses and not done in my church and half my family won't show and the other half will try to talk me out of marrying her. Sigh I know it's superficial but it's so hard to change. Then there's my daughter. I wanted to find her a strong step father. But Emma is so good to her so I shouldn't worry about it. And of course having more children. She couldn't have children before and now on HRT she certainly can't. I know there's other options and I've always felt drawn to adoption but it would be nice to have one kid that we made ya know. But that won't happen. It's just so hard to let go of all my little girl dreams. Then there is I want to do everything I can to help her. I want to understand her but I don't. I just don't get being transgender because I am not. Sigh it's so much to think about. I love Emma and can't imagine my life without her now and I will never give up trying to understand. Change is just so hard!!

[Sydney_NYC]

Follow your heart, the rest will follow!!! 

[Adam (birkin)]

Follow your heart, the rest will follow!!! 

I agree. I can understand why it is weird when your dreams and visions for the future change...but, as long as your love and attraction to her hasn't, it will all find a way of working out. A wedding isn't special because of the clothes each person is wearing, or the venue - although those things all add to the memories (like, on my wedding day I will always remember the dress my wife wore, or the scenery), it's not those things in and of themselves that make the event special. It's special because you're with someone you love. Your family might have some problems with it but if they can see that you love her, and that your daughter loves her, and that she's good to you, if they are even halfway decent people they will come around.

I say a lot of this from personal experience btw, since before I transitioned I was a "lesbian." My family was super against it for a long time, but when my girlfriend came to visit, they saw what a lovely person she was and how much we loved each other. After that they didn't care anymore, because they saw that I was happy and that I was with a good person. Now, even years later they always say "how is she? I always liked her, she was so nice" (one family member likes her because she's 'clean and polite' lol).

[sad panda]

But do you love her as a girl or maybe sort of for things that are more boyish about her? I mean since you are straight. Does it bother her to be with a girl who claims to be straight? Like, if you accept her as a girl and love her as that can you really still say that you are straight? +Have you thought about how it would feel if she like becomes more feminine as time goes on? You don't have to answer by the way, i just think you should think about those things. I get being a little vain about the wedding though... lol, everyone wants the perfect wedding (: hope you have a beautiful life. What makes yah happy is the most important thing of all.

Hugs to you.

[Sayra]

"Love as thou wilt."

I totally understand your point of view Kaitlyn!! I had quite the struggle with those exact same thoughts after my husband came out to me.

But then I got to thinking: this is the person who completes me. I don't want to be with anyone else. Ever. What do I gain if I don't support him? What do I lose?

In the end, for me it's a little bravado, a little "fake it 'til you make it", and a lot of communication. I have chosen the mantra of "we will be just fine". Because I know here is where I want to be, I cannot lose my other half and I want him to be happy because THAT makes me happy too. We've taken the time to discuss where we are starting, where we are going, and how it's hopefully going to go. We'll just have to adjust for the hiccups alng the way as they come.

Good luck with your wedding! Lucky to have 2 beautiful dresses (3 if you get one for your daughter!) And we wish you both love and joy!

[KaitlynLovesEmma]

Thank you all for responding!!! We do have great communication. I have told her all these feelings. And personally I have never thought of her in gender since when I met her she was more of a blend. So I don't love her as a boy or a girl I just love her. It's just my little girl dreams a that I am having to let go of. But I do just tell myself everyday that everything is going to be ok. This is gods plan and I know he has soooo much more in store for us! I just get so impatient with myself I want my brain to be perfect now! Anyways love you guys and love this group thank again