Hello everyone!
I have been a member for a bit here but this is the first post I am making. I usually read peoples's posts and find them to be interesting and at many times, enlightening. I met my current girlfriend in college and we started to go out a year after she came out as being transgender. This autumn will make it three years for us. I love her more than I thought possible. I am cis woman, first generation Mexican-American, and I live in the Midwest in the U.S.
I graduated recently and she will be hopefully graduating in the Spring. I am a teacher and my salary pretty good. I still live with my parents because my father underwent a serious surgery that left him unable to work for about a year now. He has put in a disability claim that is pending. My mother has difficulty finding a job since she is 60, unable to speak English, has limited skills that translate beyond manual labor, and is married to a very jealous man. Since they stopped working, my two siblings, and I, have been the financial pillars at home.
I originally didn't want to work as a teacher but because of my father's surgery I needed to have a financially sound job. I regretted my senior year of college going into teaching, but it was a bit too late to change then. The few times I have shared my disdain of my job to my family, I am guilted into staying. Siblings say they don't want to be the sole financial providers. Finances are the main reason I am staying, both in the field and my family. I am unsure if I will have a job this summer since my admins didn't have their contract renewed, and my first year teaching hasn't been very good.
I come from a rather traditional immigrant family, though they have their moments. My father was accepting of my brother being gay. My parents were not very accepting of my bisexuality (though I don't particularly like to use that label on myself, it seems to be the closest that labels me). I understand that they view many things in black and white when they don't fit into there understanding of how things work. Nevertheless, it still hurts that my identities are simply erased. When they found out I was going out with my girlfriend (we will call her Sarah), my father went on a very horrible rant, laced with transphobic language, about her and how she would eventually hurt me. He told me to end it with her. My mom just sat and listened to it all without saying a thing. Two years have passes since that car ride, and my mom told me she was sorry about it and that if Sarah made me happy, she was happy. My father said I could be with whoever I wanted, but didn't tell me he was sorry, about a single thing. I am still angry at him.
Sarah lives by herself and lives in an income based on what the university and the military gives her, as well as her job within the university. Her commitment with the military expired a while back. Her income is very limited as a result. Both of us are worried about what will happen to her once she graduates. Our main concern is her finding a steady, financially stable job after graduating. She was finally honest with me yesterday and shared her concerns. She says she wants us to live together. She wants us to live together in part because of financial reasons. She is worried that her being transgender will hinder her finding a job. She said, ultimately, if she is unable to find a good job, she will have to live with her parents again.
She tells me that her parents were not supporting of her when she came out. Her father told her he doesn't care what she does in private, but that she shouldn't be out in public. They don't call her Sarah, and they are embarrassed of being seen with her in public when she is herself. I, being the nosey person I am, Googled her family, and saw her mother's Facebook profile (I never friended her and she never friended me). Her mother is of strong religious background and loves posting pictures. In all the pictures Sarah is in, she looks unhappy. The times she goes to visit them, she says it is exhausting and difficult for her. These are some of the reasons she doesn't want me to meet her parents, though her mom is itching to meet me. Sarah says if she moves in with her parents, she's disconnecting from me, and our relationship is ending. Her family lives about three hours away and it is far from mass transportation (trains, buses, amtrak, etc.).
In these past two years we've been together, I still love her. More each time. She has been beyond patient with me. I have never stayed over at her apartment, considering I am a legal adult. My parents always tell my siblings and me, that people who sleep over are "putas" or "whores". I am guilted into doing things often by my family. Sarah has been more than patient with me and she has been amazing. She is the first partner I ever had. She was my first kiss, sexual partner, and much more. I was sexually assaulted at 13 and she has helped me with dealing with that. I have been looking into therapy, but I am waiting on my insurance. I have told her several times that I see a future in us.
I think, if there is a question I want to pose, while apparently writing a thesis paper, how do I make this decision? I know ultimately I will have to make this decision alone, but I am torn between many things. If I move in with Sarah, we will be more committed, she will be able to find a job with less pressure, we can do stuff so she can be in my insurance plan for her hormones and Spiro, but I know my relationship with my family will sour. If I stay with my family, my siblings won't have the full financial burden of the household, but I might lose Sarah. Strange how many people feel like their family grows when they find a significant other, I feel like mine is breaking.
You're comments are greatly appreciated, and thank ya'll in advance.
