crossdressing and the military

[LatrellHK]

Hi, I'd like to start by saying I'm going into the military soon. Now, I'm still in HS and all, but soon I'm leaving to go to basic training for the army reserves over the summer. Now I'm a stud/butch (whichever you go with personally) and I love dressing like a man. I get a sense of personal accomplishment and happiness when doing so and it gets better for me when I'm mistaken for a guy out in public. My age shows but my gender doesn't go it's even better, especially now that I'm getting better at deepening my voice just enough to sound like a guy my age and I think I've just about hit it when it comes to acting like one too. Now though, all my progress is hitting me because I am a female in the army but I come off as a male and I'm scared that'll backfire and screw me over at basic! I'm already small, a lil 113lbs of nothing but track speed, and if people want to jump me or something I physically can't really fight back, so I'm screwed. The man fear I have is the mistaken identity getting me kicked out or something. I only have mens clothing and such and my Future Leader and commander (is that what she's called?) have already seen me dressed as a guy as I was unprepared to meet her. I was mistaken for a guy several times, given ->-bleeped-<- for going to girls locker room/bathroom/areas in general and at MEPS, I was almost taken it to do the male tests and I'm really nervous now. By now, it's almost basic reactions and habits when I act all masculine and stuff and I don't exactly notice it when I do so. I don't want to revert all my progress and suddenly start dressing feminine, I get so uncomfortable like it's almost hell, and I'm already dealing with how to manage it for track this season. I guess I'm asking for advice here. Should I just suck it up and dress femme for basic, 9-10 wks almost two months, or dress the way I do and hope for the best? I don't want to come off as something I'm not and give everyone the wrong idea of me, but I don't want to face serious punishment for being the obvious lesbian in the group. Does anyone have any advice for me, or tips on what I should do?
Latrell

[Jess42]

Well I hate to break the news to you but going through basic you will all dress the same. As for hair, you will have to keep it feminine. It can be short but not like the guys. When I went in we had to send our civilian clothes back home after we were issued our BDUs. Being a female and dressing more masculine isn't near as taboo as being male and dressing female or transgender MTF. You really shouldn't have too much of a problem. My second CO at my first duty station was a lesbian and butch. Don't ask, don't tell was fairly understood but she made no real effort to hide it. About a quarter of the of the women in my units seemed more masculine than me and could put me to shame on the PT test. So no, I really don't think you have much to worry about especially if you try to keep it more androgynous until you feel things out. Especially when going through AIT and can start wearing civilian clothes on weekend passes. Good luck. It truly is a different world.

[LatrellHK]

Thanks for the advice, helps keep me sane here! I can't do much about my hair though, it's a bit short and nothing special. But again, thanks and I'll keep this in mind!

[JamesG]

What Jess said. Just do what you're told, be a team player, don't be that "militant dyke", and you'll be fine. No one cares what your sexual orientation is unless you make it a problem and for the first month or so of basic you are going to be so tired and stressed that you aren't even going to think of it.

[Jess42]

Just remember Latrell, basic is more of a mind game than anything else. The physical part is just building you up and or weeding out the weaker ones. As for the hair thing, you guys are lucky because  short hair is acceptable on birth females as long as it's not a high and tight or a face or resembles the male version but shorter hair is easier to take care of so it might be in your best interest to have it short. Whe nI was going through we only had 5 minutes to shower and it was communal. Like James said, going through basic you won't have enough time energy or emotions to even think of being trans. AIT was a little more lax but still stressfull with the drill sergeants.

With basic being a mind game, don't take anything personal that the drill sergeants throw at you. blend in,  do what they tell you and make yourself as small a target as possible. If they ever get you in their crosshairs they will mess with you even in AIT. I was fairly lucky but I still owe my drill sergeant a thousand pushups for not remembering military time. He gave me fifteen hundred and PT didn't count. Luckily it was toward the end of the cycle. After graduating basic his whole demeanor changed. Same with the ones for AIT. Before going overseas I ran into all three AIT drill sergeants in the bar and all told me to call them by name instead of rank. That it was over and no one was in uniform. So just remember the whole deal is a psychological, team building, and strength buiding exercise. If someone does something wrong do not ever rat on your fellow soldiers, they would rather see everyone protect one and take the punishment as a unit than have one person that is not a team player. Believe me, the one that tells doesn't get any brownie points. This happened with my AIT class and a pack of cigarettes and while talking to the three instructors in the bar that night, I know exactly how they felt about the guy that told and it wasn't anything good. You'll make it.