Children

[Emily Ivy]

Dear sisters,

I would like to ask if there are any transitioned transwomen who have adopted children. I have been thinking for a long time what will I do when I will have my own kids, what is the feeling like. I think of children as the miracles of life and I can't imagine myself being old and alone.

Emily

[BunnyWings]

I would love to adopt a child one day! But I'm also afraid of how qualified I am at raising a child

[BunnyWings]

haha thanks kiera! I would gladly get dumber for the sake of my child 

[Jay]

Dear sisters,

I would like to ask if there are any transitioned transwomen who have adopted children. I have been thinking for a long time what will I do when I will have my own kids, what is the feeling like. I think of children as the miracles of life and I can't imagine myself being old and alone.

Emily

Welcome Emily! I too think adoption is a great idea!

[Kate]

That said... anyone who tells you they can't love an adopted child as much as their 'own' child or a 'birth child' (insulting terms within the adoption community... every child is a birth child and your adopted child is your 'own') is sooo off the mark. They have no idea. I have a very close relationship with my daughter. She couldn't be more wound around my heart if I had given birth to her myself and I couldn't even conceive of how I could love a person more.

Thank you for posting this, Regina... you've brought tears of hope to my eyes...

A year of HRT has probably destroyed any chance of biological children for me (though I suspect might have been sterile anyway), so I've been thinking a LOT about adoption recently... even if my wife and I split up and it means adopting as a single parent.

I kinda avoided having children, as the whole TS thing was confusing my future SO badly... which is a sad clue as to whether or not I really always knew I'd transition someday, despite me constantly telling my wife I wouldn't. God, I was/am such a selfish, self-centered idiot.

But... as my life is coming together finally, all these things I'd put on hold are becoming important to me again. Just as I've said I couldn't leave this world without living as a female, I'm not sure I can leave it now without experiencing parenthood. My wife will *hate* me if she ever reads that, as I pretty much ruined her chances of it now... something she's wanted for years... and here I am whining that *I* want it now. That's so not fair to her, and yet I can't help how I feel.

I'm a huge believer in destiny and fate, and I just *know* that somehow, someway, I will be a mother in a few years. Sadly, I see myself going it alone, but... what will be will be.

Hopeful,
~Kate~

[Emily Ivy]

To be honest, I don't think anyone should adopt children for reasons of companionship, altruism or to find love. One adopts a child 'as is' and that might mean you have a wonderful, intimate bond or it might mean you have a lifetime of struggle with that person. You may have a lot in common (especially if you listen and observe them and accept them as they are) or you might find a stranger in your house if you try to impose your version of who they are (which isn't just about adoptees... kids who come into your family through birth have the same issues) I know adult adoptees who feel completely disconnected from their adoptive parents and those who are extremely close to them. You have to go into adoption with an open set of eyes, ears and heart, as well as some hard, realist's thinking (my daughter was adopted at 21 mos. from an orphanage in Eastern Europe and it would be crazy to not understand the possibly affects of that institutionalization on a child and their development.

That said... anyone who tells you they can't love an adopted child as much as their 'own' child or a 'birth child' (insulting terms within the adoption community... every child is a birth child and your adopted child is your 'own') is sooo off the mark. They have no idea. I have a very close relationship with my daughter. She couldn't be more wound around my heart if I had given birth to her myself and I couldn't even conceive of how I could love a person more.

Thanks for your response, Regina. You have a good point that one adopts child 'as is'. I didn't think of all the possible consequences before. Child means responsibility and caring, but quite often I feel so miserable and sad like I would need caring myself  The person adopting should be strong and in peace with her on life and without GID problems solved to great extent, I realise it is not rational to think about taking care of others. However, while I am at the very beginning of transition, I need dreams to hold on to.

I wish you the best luck, Kate. As I read about your struggles during the transition, I thought that no matter how hard the journey is, one day you have transitioned, you pass and that's it. Life becomes easier after that point, it *should* be so