Disturbing memories of a prior self.

[Maud]

Does anyone else get really freaked out and unsettled when they remember they used to be a guy/girl?

Over the last few months I've been pretty much letting go of allot of stuff and thus forgetting I'm TS as it doesn't really effect my life much at all. thus whenever I do remember what I was it's like it takes the wind out of me, it's almost completely crushing.

How are we meant to deal with that, the further into transition I go the more it feels like 18 years of my life is sinking away and I don't particularly mind but the more it does the more it hurts whenever I think back...


How do you deal with that?

[cindianna_jones]

There will come a time when you'll be able to integrate your past life with your current one.  It takes some time but you'll be able to "look back" without being shocked.

Cindi

[Maud]

I can do that now it's just if I dig a little deeper by choice, if i simply think back to experiences it's easy enough to not genderise it and I can pretty much recite most of my life without anyone thinking it incompatible with being a girl it's just if I do flat out think of what I was it hits me like a ton of bricks.

[mavieenrose]

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering Mawd, my heart goes out to you, but I think it's a good sign, it means you're really in the process of healing...

Personally I went through a whole series of different emotions over the years relating to my trans-history: despair, hope, denial, anger, acceptance.  It probably took me about 5 to 6 years to finally feel fully healed psychologically.

And of course in many ways I suppose the memories of the child I once was are simply so fuzzy now, that I just don't feel anything in particular anymore when I try to think back.

Plus:
- life is just inexplicable
- it wasn't my fault
- in the end, I've been lucky, I've a good life
- my childhood as a boy wasn't 100% all bad, there were some happy times to [or so I'm told ]
- absolutely noone remembers who I once was, it just doesn't mean anything to anyone anymore

Anyway, that's how I deal with it...

MVER XXX