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Clarity

Started by Riley Skye, March 12, 2014, 04:13:42 PM

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Riley Skye

March 12, 2014, 04:13:42 PM Last Edit: March 12, 2014, 11:20:23 PM by Riley Skye
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

Last night as I was falling asleep I had a rather livid dream. I dreamt that I was alone in a pale off white room and it was oddly sunny and bright in there. I was feeling so lonely and unloved in life that I couldn't bear it. I subsequently committed suicide and was dead. I floated out of my body, sat and cried in the corner. My parents came home and saw me, I saw how horrible and upset they were that I did that. I began floating around seeing my best friend and sister Erica react exactly the same, my trans sister Sofia do the exact same. I saw a pain in their eyes I couldn't bear. It hit me hard but it made me realize something important. I finally saw and realized the impact I had on these people and how much we mean to each other, especially my two sisters. I definitely still feel depressed and down on myself but I know that I do have people in my life who most certainly love and care for me as I do with them. I have also been hearing every comforting, inspiring and self empowering song I love on the radio as I drive around. I think something out there is trying to give me some hope that I'll be alright and I hope I will be.
Love and peace are eternal
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stephaniec

#1
March 12, 2014, 05:37:56 PM
dreams can be inspirational
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Megumi

#2
March 12, 2014, 08:50:55 PM
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!









This was why I couldn't go through with it when I came to terms with myself during my suicide attempt. Scary to think now that I was only a few pounds of tension away from doing it. Luckily a vision like that crossed my mind when I had the gun pointed to my head with a round in the chamber and the safety off with my finger trembling on the trigger about how awful it would hurt everyone that I love and those who care about me to just suddenly kill myself and not even leave a note. I figured they could piece everything together by looking what was in my apartment but still I couldn't bear to cause everyone that much pain so transitioning was the only way I could survive. It was my defining moment in life and one that I'm very happy to have not gone through with as even though it's been a very painful road up to this point I'm alive and the people that care about me are happy that I am still in their life.

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JLT1

#3
March 12, 2014, 09:18:59 PM
Yea, I can relate. 

Once I saw that, I began to muddle forward again.  It's better now.

Hugs,

Jen
To move forward is to leave behind that which has become dear. It is a call into the wild, into becoming someone currently unknown to us. For most, it is a call too frightening and too challenging to heed. For some, it is a call to be more than we were capable of being, both now and in the future.
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Riley Skye

#4
March 12, 2014, 11:22:03 PM
I forgot a trigger warning. It hit so deeply and I feel like I'm having a purpose with my life and I can't just end it.
Love and peace are eternal
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