Self-Image not keeping pace with reality?

[Jill F]

Maybe Jenny's right, though. Part of this is just because I'm still in the habit of having to dress up in "guy mode" every day to go to work, so I'm still just seeing that as my default state of existence, while I'm still viewing "girl mode" as something that I have to dress up as in order to be, rather than what I actually am.

BAM! You are a woman. You have always been one, no matter how you're presenting yourself.  Jessica and George Clinton were right.  Free your mind and your *ss will follow. 

[KelsieJ]

Very well said

I still go to work right now in boy clothes. Hate it, but it too shall pass

[Nora Kayte]

Another problem that I'm having, which I want to know if anyone else has had problems with or not...

Here's the deal:

According to just about everyone who's been talking to me recently, I'm passing now. I'm getting gendered female more often than not, haven't had any social problems whatsoever recently, and there's many people who I suspect want to pound my head in because they've been telling me to just go full-time and get it over with for months now.

But for some reason, my self-perception just doesn't seem to be keeping pace with reality.

I realized this a couple days ago. When I first woke up, I realized that I was still seeing my old self in my head when I pictured who I was based on the self-image in my head. So that's still who I'm seeing myself as. When I actually go in front of the mirror now, and suddenly see how feminine I am now, I'm almost always surprised. It's not a bad surprised, though, it's a very good surprised. I smile whenever I see that feminine self looking back at me.

So here's the thing... even though I'm still seeing that old self in my head as if he's still my actual self, I don't WANT to be seeing that old self in my head. That old self makes me feel MISERABLE every time that I imagine that I still am him. It's almost like I'm just expecting the same thing that had been happening to me for years, where I had just internalized that I was a guy and relegated myself to hating my appearance. So when I say that that's the self that I'm still seeing, that doesn't mean that that's the self I want to be. I am VERY happy every time I look in the mirror and my self-image is proven wrong because I see a self that I actually do like rather than the "sigh... there's my same old miserable male self that I hate. Stupid male features. Stupid square face. Stupid hideous uncute self."

And when I actually do look at myself, that's NOT the self that I see anymore. Ever.

But still, this disconnect is making it VERY hard to accept myself as a girl. Because the self I'm still seeing in my head isn't a girl, it's a guy, so I have a hard time believing that I really am female, despite overwhelming external evidence and despite still feeling a very deep connection with the female gender identity and wishing that I was a girl. (I guess that's the thing... I'm still seeing myself as a guy who wishes that he was a girl, instead of actually being a girl.)

Anyone else have an issue with this? Does it mean anything? Is it something that goes away, or should I be concerned?

I found this on the internet. It is a very cool site that will Photoshop what you will look like with certain facial feminizing surgeries. BUT she also wrote a thesis and if you look at #10 which this link should go directly to it helps explain why you see the man looking at you in the mirror.

http://www.virtualffs.co.uk/My_Facial_Feminisation_Thesis_Part_10_The_Man_in_the_Mirror.html

[KelsieJ]

The problem with this is that those results are often better in photoshop than they are in reality. I've seen many before and after instances of FFS, and unless you look like Schwarzenegger, then my advice is to wait for hormones to reshape your face, and learn how to feminize your face by framing features with makeup.

Kelsie