Happy St Patrick's Day

[Cindy]

OK the day when most of the world claims some Irish heritage, drinks Guinness and wear green.

Lets have an Irish joke-a-thon!!

To start for my American friends:

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

[Jill F]

Kiss me with one lip. I'm like half Irish?

[Cindy]

Kiss me with one lip. I'm like half Irish?

I'm 50/50 Scot/Irish! I'll kiss you but count the lips

[suzifrommd]

Lets have an Irish joke-a-thon!!

Irishman walks into a bar carrying a shoebox.

"I'd like a drink", he says to the bartender, "but I'm a mite short. If I shewed 'ya something 'ya'd never seen b'fore, would 'ya give me a drink."

Bartender says, he'd have to see. So Irishman opens his shoebox and in it there's this one-foot tall man and a miniature grand piano. As soon as the box is open, the one-foot-tall man starts playing an Irish jig.

Bartender is amazed. "If you tell me the story of how you came by this little fellow, why I'll give you drinks all night."

Irishman starts talking. "I was wanderin' the woods on the emerald aisle, when I heard a wee noise. I tried to figure out where it was comin' from. As I got closer, I realized it was someone callin' for help. I followed the voice and came to a tall tree. There were three wolves a-howlin' and a-snarlin' and  a-growlin' up the tree. So I looked up and there, clingin' to branches for his dear old life, was a leprachaun. A real, live, genuine leprachaun, callin' for help as loud as his wee voice could manage. 'Help me, help me. I grant 'ya any wish 'ya want.' Well, I couldn't let the wolves get 'im, could I? So I raised my shillelagh and started swingin' it around. The wolves got scared and scattered into the woods. The leprachaun was true to his word and granted my wish."

"I don't understand," Bartender asks. "Why would you wish for this guy?"

"Ah," answered Irishman. "The wee fellow was a mite hard-'a-hearin'. He thought I asked for a twelve-inch pianist!"