Hey everyone, whats up? It might get a bit freaky at some parts, read at own risk.
English is not my primary language, so my apologies.
I would tell you my name, but it is not important. I dont identify myself with my name, i dont believe in masculine/feminine names. Not that i hate my name, it just doesnt "fit my personality". Ive always pictured myself as some asexual being, i dont identify myself with neither male or female gender. It sounds a but freaky, like a mental problem, but i dont call it like that. I have no idea which religion you are, if you believe in god, or maybe even more gods, if you believe in heaven, in hell.... But i believe, there are 2 parts: the Body and the Soul. Body exist in this world as human flesh, organs and etc. Soul is pure energy, that puts the Body to Life. Without a soul, body would be just a corpse. (example: a computer without electricity is just a pieces of metal and plastic together.) Once you find balance between your Body and Soul, you will find happiness.
Now i can get to the point. I believe that living on Earth is just another level of ours Souls journey in Universe, to learn, teach others and become higher existence. Well, the point is, that i believe that Souls are asexual and we have been assigned genders, just because its the way it works in this world, on planet Earth (you can disagree, i wont hate). There for sure might be completely different kinds of genders, ways of existence in the higher/lower tiers of Universe. I just wanted to say, to explain, that i dont feel like im connected to my human form. Anyone who can exactly determine their gender, (doesnt matter if you are transgendered or not) has reached the level, that his Soul adapted good enough to his current form of existence. I respect others, i dont care if you are trans, black, white, or blue with white dots.
Well, this thread was supposed to be about me, my intro. Not about my opinions on human life. Since i can remember, from being really small kid, at preschool, ive always been in trouble to identify myself. I have been thinking for decades (im almost 20 years old), if im boy or girl. Everytime i get to some result, sooner or later i have to change my decision. I accepted myself as both of the genders, i was born in male body (it has some pros and cons), i dont look masculine or feminine. I can barely grow a beard, i have low testosterone level. I have some crossdressing experience, ive done it to "discover" the other side. I have been raised as male, teached to behave like male, to fit in human society. I would call myself a bisexual, but im not sexualy attracted to neither male or female genitals. Im more attracted to have an relationship with someones inner self. Shortly said, i dont care what you have between your legs, how you look, how you were born, if you have brown eyes, big nose, etc.(of course i wouldnt like to date some bum without any self esteem with 3 teeth) I want to be with true You. When im trying to get relationship/friendship with people, i look inside them, on their inner self. I see them as person, i dont have to give them labels (like most people, who judge you by your gender, race, body, education..). Im very tolerant and respect is a big role in my life. I also understand that power doesnt make respect, it only implants fear in other peoples hearts, you have to earn respect by helping, understanding and respecting others. I find it hard to make new friends, i dont think i have any people right now i could call true friends, i would just call them the "people i know". Also i have never had any relationship, im virgin and im not even ashamed about, i didnt want to lose my innocence to someone who would "->-bleeped-<- everyone". You are virgin only once, so why waste it on some slut?
Yesterday, ive done some Transgender tests online. One at OkCupid and COGIATI test, and im not going to lie. The result didnt suprise me at all, ive scored exactly half in both of them. Then i found out about something called "Intersex", which i found really interesting. But when i google it, its all about people being born as hermaphrodites, which i dont fit in. Can any person be mentaly intersexed? One of the tests marked me as Androgynous, i think i have somewhat feminine appearance, and i would pass as female in public if i really got myself all made up, while im comletely alright as male aswell. I have found about some androgynous models, i can say that i have similiar features as some of them. You can picture me as Yin-yang, the black and white, the good and bad, the balance. Thats the way i see myself right now.
I think its enough for now, thanks everyone who managed to read up to this part. Have a good day.
