is it common to be jealous

[Monique]

hi, as the title says, its seems that I am very jealous of looking at women, it seems to get so bad that I cant even leave the house and makes me feel very depressed. I don't know if this is normal mostly reason why I'm asking it, I just started therapy but have no transitioned yet so I have a long way to go but just like to know if its a common thing.

[Shantel]

Yes it is, there is not a trans woman here at Susan's who hasn't had those very same human feelings, even sometimes about other trans women who have had remarkably successful transitions due to great looks and good genes. Welcome to our world hon!

[Jess42]

I don't know if I would call it jealously as much as envy. Might be the same thing but I definitely feel more of an envy than jealousy.

[Monique]

thanks shantel, I didn't know if it was normal to be that jealous, usually I have to have a few beers to talk to other women since I get so jealous that I just want to be left alone when I'm out somewhere with friends.

[EllieM]

Yep. I would call it envy, though. I've had days where I would walk around with my head down so I wouldn't have to look at all of those lululemon-clad girls who wander the campus I work at... they never get older, they're always 17-25 years old, damn their well upholstered butts! Anyways, I still feel the envy, but I so much love the female form that I can peer through the green-tinged haze and be in awe of the beauty that struts before me. God bless them and grant me a physique like that

[Shantel]

thanks shantel, I didn't know if it was normal to be that jealous, usually I have to have a few beers to talk to other women since I get so jealous that I just want to be left alone when I'm out somewhere with friends.

Discuss that with your counselor, it's something you can reign in. I have lots of cis female friends, some are very pretty and I admire them but manage to keep my hands and comments about that to myself lest I make them feel very uncomfortable. I always try and put the other person's feelings ahead of my own so we can remain friends.

[Shantel]

Yep. I would call it envy, though. I've had days where I would walk around with my head down so I wouldn't have to look at all of those lululemon-clad girls who wander the campus I work at... they never get older, they're always 17-25 years old, damn their well upholstered butts! Anyways, I still feel the envy, but I so much love the female form that I can peer through the green-tinged haze and be in awe of the beauty that struts before me. God bless them and grant me a physique like that

Yes this!

[Monique]

thank you, I didn't know it was envy good to know though, I still feel like that but I'm sure it will get better when I start to transition into a woman. i do envy woman for how beautiful they are and that i want a body just like them since that's how i feel inside.

[anais]

Yes I always had this when I see a beautiful girl I'm just jealous and want to be like her. I even had this with my girlfriends.

[Jessika Lin]

hi, as the title says, its seems that I am very jealous of looking at women, it seems to get so bad that I cant even leave the house and makes me feel very depressed. I don't know if this is normal mostly reason why I'm asking it, I just started therapy but have no transitioned yet so I have a long way to go but just like to know if its a common thing.

That kind of envy is quite common and quite normal. I'm going through the same thing right now and it hits me harder every time my HRT gets delayed (which has happened several times now, it seems like every time I clear a hurdle another one pops up! )

[Nero]

thank you, I didn't know it was envy good to know though, I still feel like that but I'm sure it will get better when I start to transition into a woman. i do envy woman for how beautiful they are and that i want a body just like them since that's how i feel inside.

Just remember that odds are this cis woman you're envying feels terrible about herself. Often, it's the good looking ones who suffer most and get very nasty comments from other women on their appearance. If she's cis, I bet you would be no happier if you were her. I hope that trans women have escaped all the messages I got growing up as a girl. Maybe not. But the woman you're looking at with envy is probably trying to decide if she can permit herself a salad with dressing and terrified that her boyfriend smiled a little too much at the waitress with bigger tits than her. If I had a million to spare, I'd bet it.

[Shantel]

Just remember that odds are this cis woman you're envying feels terrible about herself. Often, it's the good looking ones who suffer most and get very nasty comments from other women on their appearance. If she's cis, I bet you would be no happier if you were her. I hope that trans women have escaped all the messages I got growing up as a girl. Maybe not. But the woman you're looking at with envy is probably trying to decide if she can permit herself a salad with dressing and terrified that her boyfriend smiled a little too much at the waitress with bigger tits than her. If I had a million to spare, I'd bet it.

Haha good one! You can count on FA for the real inside dope on things!

[930310]

Envy and jealousity is something that we all experience from time to time. When I was young I was envious of the kids that had the richer parents. When I was a teenager and competed in long distance running I was jealous of my opponents. And now I'm jealous of the people who are in my age and already know what they want to do for the rest of their lives.
I've always had a bit of jealousity for attractive and social people and I've always considered myself to be ugly and unwanted wherever I am.

[kathyk]

Your question comes up once in a while on Susan's, and I'm glad you're asking.  Each of us has felt just like you, and we wondered why we felt so jealous or envious of the cis women we meet or see on the streets.  But as I've progressed into 21 months of transition those feelings of jealously turned to simple envy, then the envy turned into admiration.  Yes I admire women who strike me as exceptional for any reason, be it looks, body, intelligence, or simply a beautiful demeanor.  But then I notice all women for who and what they are, as I likewise notice all my sisters here on Susan's, in group therapy, and at social gatherings.  We are all women in our own right, so we should embrace that as truth.

When I say "I'm envious." it's now just a term that's used to lightheartedly describe the admiration I feel for people.  And from now on I'll save my "jealousy" and "envy" for matters of love and money. 

[vlmitchell]

You get that at first, then you get better at being yourself and you move past jealousy into admiration and then, if you've got awesome friends, to competition. It's pretty awesome.

[Monique]

thank you everyone, i'm glad that it will go away when i start to transition since i haven't started anything yet except for therapy, which was very difficult in the past because of where i lived. thank you again for all the answers that you gave me for this topic, im very appreciative for it.

[kariann330]

It's very normal. I don't know how many times I have thought to myself I wish I had her boobs, or omg I love her top but it would look like hell on me and so on. I have even had cis friends say the same thing.

And to further back up the post from FA, a friend once said "Get ready for a lot of disappointment. You may think you will wake up one day and see a beautiful woman looking back at you in the mirror, but instead you will end up finding more wrongs every day weather it's your makeup not being right, your hair falling wrong, or that dress that looked amazing in the pictures, or on another girl looking horrible on you"

[Just Shelly]

Pre transition there was much envy....oh why can't I just be a girl like that!!

Now my envy has turned into more of jealously...why can't I just be a girl like that! LOL

Seriously though my thoughts are more in jealously than envy....though they are very closely related. Its just that I am a woman now so my jealousy is more about hair, shape, skin, boobs......and some of the, wish I was a GG

Although when my children have friends over that are young girls....the envy of wishing I could of been a young teen girl does creep into my thoughts! Kind of the same thoughts I had when in high school.

[Nero]

And to further back up the post from FA, a friend once said "Get ready for a lot of disappointment. You may think you will wake up one day and see a beautiful woman looking back at you in the mirror, but instead you will end up finding more wrongs every day weather it's your makeup not being right, your hair falling wrong, or that dress that looked amazing in the pictures, or on another girl looking horrible on you"

Exactly. There really is no 'there'. There's nowhere to get as a woman where you feel happy with your appearance. In fact, the better you look, the more pressure there is on you. Think of all the pressure you got as a guy to act as a certain way. That's pretty much the equivalent of what women get in regards to their appearance. Sure we get more leeway in clothes and behaviour, but we suffocate under the pressure of living up to a physical ideal no one can live up to. Males are very restricted in regard to clothes (and that's horrible), but it is no easier on the female side as we are restricted with regard to bodies. We can wear anything we want - but only if we have the acceptable body. A body that is biologically unattainable for most females. Women are meant to conserve fat and have larger hips and thighs. This is biology. But society dictates that we have a thigh gap while at the same time having ample tits. This is not how our bodies are designed.

So, if as a trans woman you don't live up to the female ideal, you're in good company! No one lives up to it. Gwen Stefani just posted a 'fat pic' of when she was young that shocked me and most her fans.



Unfortunately, if you're a woman and you hate your body, find it lacking, too big, too small, too masculine, whatever - you're in good company. There is probably no woman on this earth who feels good about her body.

[Monique]

i can see what you are saying and i agree with you, i think with me i think ill feel fine either way since ive felt like this since i was younger i really never felt normal even when i was a teenager and the envy didn't start til i was around 22 years old but i was very limited in florida since it was harder to get around then where i live now. i understand perfectly what you say, there are also men who don't like how they look either but i think for me ive always felt like a woman inside even when i was younger but i didn't know how i could cope with it once i hit a teenager so i turned to alcohol and cigarettes very early in my life but i think ill be pretty happy once i transition into a woman.