An Offer From JoAnn To Use The Spare Room

[kathyk]

Yup.  I walked out of our marriage at 10pm on January 17th when she dropped me off at the San Francisco Airport, yet JoAnn offered to let me stay in the spare room for six weeks while I'm in California.  We're obviously separated and talking about the future divorce. 

Staying in our home would make it very easy to get to and from my medical appointments, and to electrolysis every week.  It would also give me the opportunity to finish a couple projects JoAnn wants done, and to pick up more of my things for storage.  JoAnn has already thrown out a lot of my stuff, but I know my collectable firearms and slot machines are still there.

Unfortunately we don't get along well, can't talk to each other about my transition, and we ignore each others advice.  It would save me hours of driving from the Sierra Nevada Mountains to the SF Bay Area several times a week, but I'm just not sure if it's worth the stress.  I could rent a room in an Extended Stay Motel or something, but I want to save the $1000 a month for Yeson voice surgery.

Am I stupid for even considering this offer?  Any suggestions?  Advice?  I have a telephone appointment with my therapist later today, but asking the question here seems like a good idea. 

[luna nyan]

If you're stressed enough as is, I wouldn't.
$1000 is a fair sum saved, but if it means daily arguments and unhappiness, I would personally find it hard to see the value.  I dislike confrontation, and I wouldn't feel good going back to a potential one every day.

Money is always tight, but given time, you will be able to save that $1000.

On the other hand, if you really want to attempt to salvage something from the relationship, maybe.  But I would say that you both would be at a mourning stage for what once was, and perhaps time and distance may be the only salve on that front.

[Joanna Dark]

Well, you could just not talk about transition with her right? I mean why would you have to? And if you need to talk about it that bad you're in San Fran, they'd prolly have a group or something. Your ex-wife wants you to stay there cause she misses you and she's scared and alone.

[kathyk]

If you're stressed enough as is, I wouldn't.
......
On the other hand, if you really want to attempt to salvage something from the relationship, maybe.  But I would say that you both would be at a mourning stage for what once was, and perhaps time and distance may be the only salve on that front.

There's no possibility of saving this marriage.  But we have been very friendly about the separation and divorce.  We don't know when to finalize things, but it may be sooner than we expect.  And yes, we are both morning our ends.

Well, you could just not talk about transition with her right? I mean why would you have to? And if you need to talk about it that bad you're in San Fran, they'd prolly have a group or something. Your ex-wife wants you to stay there cause she misses you and she's scared and alone.

Not talking about it is actually a good idea.  We have to discuss a lot of other stuff about splitting up or assets for a couple days, but after that I can go anywhere, and do anything I want.  Kind'a like being a teenager with a new car. 

And I forgot to mention that we're driving to Laughlin Nevada a week after I get home to spend a few days with a cousin and friends.  We only have one room with two queen beds.  I use makeup, JoAnn does not.  I have nicer clothes, but JoAnn is far more feminine.  I'm a lesbian, JoAnn is not. ...  It'll all be very interesting.