It hasn't gotten better.

[zero]

It's getting close to the 3 year mark since I have came out. It all happened in 2011. My mother cried and my father reassured me that it will be okay. He would talk to me alone on my bed everyday. We got along so well. My mother kept trying to make me change my mind (or at least it seemed that way) but my father said don't worry about it. I was so happy. I felt like I could tell him anything. I always saw my dad as my hero. I thought he was a great man. I wanted to be like him. I was proud of him. When I thought no one was there for me, he was there. He even won me a prize at a fair that I still have to this day.

I don't know what happened.

During the holiday season of that year, he stopped talking to me. All of our conversations would turn into arguments that would leave us screaming and crying myself to sleep. I started to never leave my bed except for food and the bathroom. I would lay there for at least 20 hours a day for weeks. Maybe months. I had reoccurring panic attacks and was threatened to be put, and I quote, "the funny farm."

In present day, my father does not accept me. Things have gotten worse. Although my mother somewhat accepts me, I feel like I lost a part of me. I can't be friends with someone who insults me and my sister though. It's just hard to let go. He's been one of my best friends since I was in diapers. But he's a bigot. I guess I am too attached to an imaginary relationship with him. I just want the dreams and nightmares to end. I'm sick of having them. The only one that is keeping me from being happy is my father. Any advice on where I should take things from here?

Lol, how pathetic of me to cry right now.

[Jasriella]

I'm no doctor or psychologist but I think you need to get outside and get some fresh air and do something. Just find some friends and forget about everything at home and have fun. Being cooped up in the house like that causes a lot of bad thoughts and tension in the mind and body.

You'll notice that you feel so much better once you're involved in something and you'll think with a clearer head. I'm not sure how old you are but you should be able to at least go outside during the day and do something and hang out with some friends or whatever.

To all you know too, your dad could be under a lot of stress and isn't his normal friendly self because he's mentally and physically exhausted. I've found myself being really strict and snappy and argumentative when I'm exhausted like that and then feel nothing but guilt right after the fight. Normally someone doesn't change like that unless something is going on.

[zero]

Jasriella, I wish I could take you up on that. Being a shut-in makes me sick to my stomach. I'm not allowed to leave the neighborhood without adult supervision though. But I don't know where to start when it comes to making friends anyway. I'm not in public school and I don't have a job so I don't know how to approach people. I probably should've added that my father and I don't argue anymore except when people are coming over or he offends my sister. We barely talk to each other these days. I think we both have a mutual understanding that there will be no conflict as long as we don't talk about it. I don't know what could be bugging him for years. He has been happy lately about the bills being paid off and moving out. I just can't wrap my head around what happened. I guess when he realized it wasn't a phase, it hit him. Thanks for the advice regardless.

[Veronica M]

Hi Zero, and welcome to Susan's... Dealing with parents is never easy. For that matter dealing with people is not easy either. When I was 19 I tried to come out to my mom. It didn't fly so well. I got the "Oh Ronnie it's just a phase your going through". Well here it is 35 years later and it is far from a phase. I realized at that point she would always denial about my sexuality and pretty much decided it was a taboo subject with her. I have to say now in retrospect I wish she could have accepted me. My father on the other hand was a lost cause and I didn't even attempt it. Both my parents were very religious and back then being gay/trans was not as socially accepted as it is now. Both my parent are gone now, so for me I guess I was a good son as they most likely would have been extremely embarrassed having a trans child.

I think the question you need to ask yourself here is who do you want to make happy, you or your parents and or other people. At this point specking for myself I choose me. I also think as one matures in life they start not worrying about what other people think. Just so you know that is not saying you are not mature it is just a fact about getting older.

Lets face it, being gay/trans is not something everyone will accept, even today. And people can be down right cruel. So this is not an easy row to hoe. Accepting yourself is however the most important thing of all. people will come and go in your life and as to your parents I can pretty much bet they still love you very much. As a parent I will say my kids are unconditional. I will love them no matter what. So keep that in mind.

As to you crying right now, I wouldn't say it's pathetic at all. This is a very emotional issue. I would be more worried if you weren't crying. In closing, my advice is keep trying to talk to your parents, and don't be angry with them as I am sure they love you very much. It's okay to be frustrated with them, but put the ball in their court and tell them you love them. With time they will come around, and if they don't it's on them and not you. Your the one that has to be with yourself day in and day out so be happy with you.

[zero]

I'm sorry that that happened to you. I can't fathom what that's like. It must've been more than tough on you. My family is religious as well. I don't think as strict as yours though. I don't know how I should go about talking to them about it. I'm in eighth grade so little to no adults take me seriously. I can't have a civil discussion with them because they use my age against me. When I mention it, my dad says I'm confused about my sexual orientation. (No, I never mentioned it but he calls being trans that.) I tried educating him on it but he calls it a mental illness, the work of the devil and confusion. I'm probably going to have to live with this man for another four or five years. So, I don't know how I could make myself happy when I'm living under his roof. I feel like the best years of my life are being wasted. At least I have my sister. She's the one that keeps me going.

[Veronica M]

Question... Does your sister know about you? If so, use her as your support system. At your age, and I am not making light of your feeling at all, parents can be difficult to say the least. When you throw religion in on top of it it gets even more complicated. Things will get better, they always do. Life is a series of ups and downs and by learning from those ups and downs makes us who we are... So hang in there.

[zero]

She's aware but my parents don't take her seriously either. To put it short, we are belittled for having opinions that differ from theirs. So, we try to keep to ourselves to avoid conflict. Do I just put up with this for more years like I have been doing? I strongly feel that my mom would refer to me with my correct pronouns and my preferred name if my dad wasn't here or if he looked at it differently. I don't know what I should do. Thanks for the encouragement.

[Veronica M]

She's aware but my parents don't take her seriously either. To put it short, we are belittled for having opinions that differ from theirs. So, we try to keep to ourselves to avoid conflict. Do I just put up with this for more years like I have been doing? I strongly feel that my mom would refer to me with my correct pronouns and my preferred name if my dad wasn't here or if he looked at it differently. I don't know what I should do. Thanks for the encouragement.

Your welcome. As to the putting up with it thing. I can't really say. If you are living in their house and are not an adult your kind of stuck. If that's the case which it sounds like it is, I would say try to get along with your parents the best you can, while respecting them as they are your parents. It may not seem like it now, but they do love you. As a parent that has raised three kids I can assure you of that. It's a unconditional thing even though it doesn't feel like that some times. Let's face it, when you were born you didn't come with an owners manual so to speak, so parents make mistakes too. Give it time. I have a feeling it will all work out.

[Berserk]

She's aware but my parents don't take her seriously either. To put it short, we are belittled for having opinions that differ from theirs. So, we try to keep to ourselves to avoid conflict. Do I just put up with this for more years like I have been doing? I strongly feel that my mom would refer to me with my correct pronouns and my preferred name if my dad wasn't here or if he looked at it differently. I don't know what I should do. Thanks for the encouragement.

Hey zero, really sorry to hear about your situation You mentioned that you're in eighth grade and not in public school, does that mean you're currently in home schooling? Is there any possibility that you'll go to a high school next year? If so, that could open up a lot of opportunities for you. Mind you I had a different upbringing than you seem to have (my parents weren't really strict about where I went by myself by the time I was in eighth/ninth grade and I was brought up more in a community environment than just by parents), but regardless, at least thinking back to my own high school experiences, if you end up in a high school I think it'll give you a chance to find at least some place where you can feel more accepted and less isolated than if you're at home all the time, depending on the school. A lot of schools have GSAs now which could be a potential source of support once you get to high school, and it may give you the opportunity to check out local resources for trans people that are present in some community centres/health centres (like support groups or trans youth events/get togethers).