I can't deal with it anymore

[Chris R.]

As the time keeps passing, my mind becomes more unstable, my dysphoria keeps worsening and I think I'm going crazy.
I came out to my brother today, and just like I had predicted, he was neutral to it. He told me that I first should be diagnosed with Gender dysphoria, so he says that I don't really know if I can transition after all.
I know that already. I'm scared to death about it. If I don't get it diagnosed, I won't be able to transition, and I wouldn't be able to live. It's already hard enough to live now, and I can't handle it, I feel so scared and weak, I was tempted to call a suicide line but I can't, because I don't want my parents to hear me.
I don't know what to do anymore. Why couldn't I just be born as a cismale or cisfemale? Mother nature decided to complicate my whole life, but why? Just why do I have to bear all of this? I can't take it anymore.

[Jill F]

Hi,  I think we can all relate to that.  You absolutely need to talk to a therapist and/or psychiatrist.  The anxiety and depression that GD causes can be overwhelming.  Even if you can't get testosterone right away, antidepressants and antianxiety drugs can get you some much needed relief in the short term.  Those little pills got me by until I was able to get my HRT.

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi,  I think we can all relate to that.  You absolutely need to talk to a therapist and/or psychiatrist.  The anxiety and depression that GD causes can be overwhelming.  Even if you can't get testosterone right away, antidepressants and antianxiety drugs can get you some much needed relief in the short term.  Those little pills got me by until I was able to get my HRT.

Can't add anymore than my Sister here. Just know you do have support, mine included!

[Chris R.]

What if I can't see a therapist though? My parents don't want to let me see one here because it's a very closed minded place and they know I would just get more depressed because they don't know how to deal with gender dysphoria... I really don't know what to do, I can't understand how many of you can be able to wait for so long, I really can't wait anymore. It's driving me crazy.

[Ms Grace]

I can't understand how many of you can be able to wait for so long...

Pretty much denial and distraction.

I don't know much about your situation, so excuse the dumb questions... I take that's not you in your avatar? I only ask because if it is I would say you're well on the way already. But if you're only just telling your brother I presume the pic isn't you. Are you still at school? Maybe you can talk to a teacher or counsellor you trust? The best thing is to talk it through with someone who will be supportive. If you're unsure how supportive they would be you could always say you're asking for a friend, I think most people still buy that one.

[Chris R.]

Pretty much denial and distraction.

I don't know much about your situation, so excuse the dumb questions... I take that's not you in your avatar? I only ask because if it is I would say you're well on the way already. But if you're only just telling your brother I presume the pic isn't you. Are you still at school? Maybe you can talk to a teacher or counsellor you trust? The best thing is to talk it through with someone who will be supportive. If you're unsure how supportive they would be you could always say you're asking for a friend, I think most people still buy that one.

The one in the avatar is me, but the facial hair is fake. My parents know about it but they don't support me and I don't trust anyone because they're closed minded. So yeah...

[Ms Grace]

...I don't trust anyone because they're closed minded. So yeah...

To be honest, you won't know without trying to find out. There has been a few people I've outed to recently who I really and truly believed would react badly to me being M2F, they surprised me by being 100% supportive. I feel pretty bad for pre-judging them and deciding I knew what was going on in their heads. Sure I don't know the people around you so I can't say for sure but there must be at least one cool teacher or counsellor (again, I'm presuming you're at school)? Is there a community centre or a youth centre? My experience is that I've had to find the help I needed, there are people around who will provide it, you can't expect them to find you though. If you're having trouble coping then trusting someone can help will make a world of difference.

[Chris R.]

To be honest, you won't know without trying to find out. There has been a few people I've outed to recently who I really and truly believed would react badly to me being M2F, they surprised me by being 100% supportive. I feel pretty bad for pre-judging them and deciding I knew what was going on in their heads. Sure I don't know the people around you so I can't say for sure but there must be at least one cool teacher or counsellor (again, I'm presuming you're at school)? Is there a community centre or a youth centre? My experience is that I've had to find the help I needed, there are people around who will provide it, you can't expect them to find you though. If you're having trouble coping then trusting someone can help will make a world of difference.

Actually, I know. I still go to school, yes, and we sometimes start to talk about random stuff and everytime we talk about homosexuality and transsexuality, ->-bleeped-<- happens. Many are supportive for homosexuality but I can't say the same about transsexuality, sadly. That's why I'm better off staying silent about it, after all many ->-bleeped-<-s got killed here for being ->-bleeped-<-s. (and people here don't know the difference between ->-bleeped-<-s and transsexuals)
We don't have any communities or youth centres here, either, sadly.