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[Murdercakes~]

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[Bookworm]

From the pic I would agree on the young bit. I go to uni at the moment and that looks like something some of the girls in high school used to wear. You did a good job on putting an outfit together, but just a little bit young. It just takes practice. Try a pair of flats or low heals.

[Missadventure]

So for some background info, you should know that I work at a large university.  I'm also not "out" at work, though I'm not hiding anything either in terms of my presentation.  I decided to transition there without saying a word to anyone in my life on account of it's none of anyone's effin' business.

I dunno... I'm probably going to phrase this TERRIBLY wrong. Cause, well, I honestly don't know how to put it best. And, know in advance that I love you and mean no offense. BUT. You, my dear, seem to be trying to walk a thin line between genders. You've taken on a female persona without a word to others, and you haven't given up on your male identity. Now, there's NOTHING wrong with that. Its your life, and quite frankly, you should live it in the way most comfortable to you, and f%ck anyone else. However, your average everyday shmo lives in a world of binary gender. They will want to categorize you, nicely and neatly, into one of two categories. And, since your appearance is very feminine and beautiful, that's the category you're most likely going to get pushed into. Case in point:

But then he started asking me if I wanted them to call me a different name, or if I had preferred pronouns or anything like that.  He mentioned that he's encountered at least a few people who have transitioned at the university, and that it's possible to get gender marker and name changes and such.  Remember, I've never come out at work---he just kind of read right through me.  I'm never prepared for conversations like that, so I was really embarrassed and didn't really have any meaningful response to anything he was saying.

Seems to me you had a similar experience at church, what with people basically, after you transitioned your appearance and totally left it dangling, finally approaching you about it and letting you know they're supportive. And, yes, its presumptuous on their part. And, honestly for your supervisor potentially litigious. But, it sounds to me like you've managed to, without wanting to, or trying to, cultivated a nice group of supportive people. And again, I understand why you've handled it the way you have. I handled my roommate the same way for the same reason. And, y'know. I'll trade my roommate for your boss in a heartbeat, cause my roommate didn't take too kindly when he finally worked up the nerves to talk to me about it.

This morning shortly after I showed up at work, my boss pulled me into his office and closed the door.  He asked me in a sort of a casual but surprised tone if I realized that I dressed myself even younger than most of the girls who come to school here. (!)  I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say, and honestly I was a little embarrassed.  So I was just like, "....uhh, no, I didn't realize. But okay..."  Practically in the same breath he went on to say that I can dress how I want, and how he's not saying that I necessarily need to dress like [female employee's name] or [other female employee's name].  But he seemed to think it was very interesting that I dressed so young, and made it clear that he had picked up on it.  He didn't even recognize me when I first walked in the office this morning, apparently.  He said I looked like a teenage girl, and he thought I was some undergrad who came in for help with something.

Honestly, I didn't even consciously notice what he claims to have noticed.  I don't try to dress like a teenage girl, I just kind of wear what I feel like.  I do have a couple outfits that are decidedly schoolgirlish, but I only wore those to work once, and got really awkward vibes from people all day.  Now I only wear them to the mall and casual outings around campus.  Then, I do have this cute sailor top that I got from Hot Topic that I wear to work sometimes, but I always wear it with my long brown skirt, so idunno that it makes me look *that* young.

I do get plenty of positive comments about my outfits & makeup from women, if that matters at all.

Hmm... I dunno how you dress at work most of the time. When I've seen you you've always seemed to have similar fashion sense and style to me, and I've been told repeatedly that I dress too conservatively. Honestly, I dunno. I don't see you as dressing too young.

Now I'm feeling really insecure.  My boss is difficult to read sometimes, because he's very blunt but casual about saying things.  He'll just say things without demanding an action or giving a reason.  Is he giving me a gentle nudge to try and dress more lady-like?

Honestly, I kinda, from what you write, get more of a vibe that he's nudging you into coming the hell out already. But. To test your theory. I have a VERY conservative button down dress you can borrow. Might be a little big on you, but, I bet we could make it work for ya. And, you can rock that at work one day just to see if you get comments about that being more suitable. I mean, it makes me look like I'm in my late 40s. It's NOT flattering. But, I mean, why not? 

This is what I wore today.  What the hell?  Is my skirt too short or something?  Is it the mary janes?  The socks?  I don't get it.

Hot.  But. I dunno. You haven't crossed 30 yet. I see nothing wrong with it. It's tasteful, you have a good sense of style, and it nicely shows off your figure. If you worked for some big corporate office I might say it's a little more casual than the office would call for. But you work on a college campus, with MANY student workers. Girl, I say you're fine.

[Jill F]

I'm almost 45.  "Age appropriate" is not in my vocabulary.  I'm making up for lost time, dammit! 

[Cindy]

Well.

I would tell him that you are a transgender female and to mind his own business as a woman can wear what she likes as long as it is appropriate to the circumstance she is in. BUT once that is done it is done and there may be no going back.

I usually wear an above the knee skirt, and a blouse, sometimes a short dress and I ain't no spring chicken, but I have good legs and a hot body so I'm going to flaunt it, subtlety. 

[sandrauk]

I love the outfit.
I don't know what the style is where you are, but I can't see anyone wearing those socks  here. They are associated with japanese teen style here. The dress could be worn by young or old but would almost always be worn with a pair of thick black tights (150-300 denier) for modesty. Short skirts have come back into fashion but rarely without tights to avoid the chance of showing yer knickers.

So, in short I think it's just the socks.

[suzifrommd]

On my own time, I wear whatever outlandish outfit strikes my fancy. I'm fond of skinny jeans in bright colors and short summery skirts.

But in a professional environment, I show respect for my supervisors by dressing to blend in with the other women here. Helps my career, helps the school's image where I work, and sets an example of respect for my students.

[JamesG]

I think he was using it as a proxy to register his discomfort/objection to your cross-dressing.  What he might have been implying is that you should "tone it down", ie; wear less obviously female clothing.

I though you looked pretty, contemporary, and tastefully dressed. Esp. for a university after all.

[DiDi]

This might be an appropriate time to ask your supervisor if the Uni has a staff dress code. It is acceptable for employers to have one if they insist on certain standards. And the standards will be different - banking is different from the fashion industry. I would have thought a Uni would be fairly open but there ya go. Most large organisations have some standards and a University is definitely large enough to draft some up.

[MadeleineG]

IMHO, "dressing too young" isn't descriptive enough for supervisory feedback. If your supervisor can provide feedback that references policy objectively, than by all means respect it. Otherwise, he has no business critiquing your appearance.

[Ms Grace]

Not knowing the dress style and norms for the area you live in I couldn't comment specifically on the outfit, but I will say it looks great on you and if you wore it down the streets of my city it wouldn't look out oft he ordinary or "too young". (God, you should see what teen girls in Sydney are wearing these days!) It's hard to say what your boss is trying to imply or suggest - I guess that if you haven't been direct about your gender identity (do you sometimes present at work as male?) then he's probably confused or at least trying to work things out.

[Missadventure]

I might need to make it official and just come out, just to break the tension.  I'm not sure if it will even have any meaning now, so late in the game.  I'm kinda not looking forward to having that talk with my bosses or co-workers because I never intended to make it any of their business.  I just want to be left alone.  People can't be bothered to curb their curiosity though and it's causing me an increasing number of problems, with stuff like this.

There's a postulate in physics, which in latin is called "horror vacui". The english translation is "Nature abhors a vacuum"

In this case, people are nature, and the vacuum is a lack of information. You've left people with something they can't explain, and because it's kind of out of the ordinary, they want an explanation. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but, it is normal. You don't owe them anything, but I think you'll find that if you do formally come out they'll have this "Oh, yeah, that's not news" moment. But, because they'll have information their curiosity will vanish, and you'll be left the hell alone to live your life. It'll have as much meaning as you ascribe to it, but, more or less it'll probably be pretty anticlimactic.

Granted, that's a prediction on my part, and may not be reality. But, based on my experience with coming out, it was this novel thing for like a day, and then no one cared anymore. And, now everyone refers to me by my chosen name, which is an added bonus that wouldn't have happened had I not told them anything.

I dunno. I kinda feel like I'm overstepping myself here. So, if I'm coming across as judgmental or preachy I apologize. It's not my intention at all. 

[Missadventure]

Nah, you didn't come across that way, but you do have good insight so it's given me something to think about.  I'm super annoyed and resentful at even having to think about doing this coming out thing though.    What a bother!

Yeah. I'm not looking forward to my interview on Thursday for that reason. As far as I know they think I'm cisfemale. And, I don't 'pass' for >-bleeped-<, plus all my "right to work" documentation is still in my male name, which is NOT the name I put on the application. So, even if it doesn't come up during the interview, if I'm offered a job it will come up. And... I dunno. I'm just not looking forward to that. At all. Somewhat scared of it, in fact. Sigh. I'd honestly rather be in your situation of having my employer come to me asking me about it from kind of a supportive angle once I'm established there.

But, I dunno. I view it as a hurdle and a milestone. A trans right of passage, if you will. Some girls become women when they have their first period. I become a woman when I tell the world I'm a woman. I'd rather go the former route, but damn Y chromosome screwed me out of that. *shakes fist in the direction of my father* 

But concerning your old lady dress---challenge accepted!  Sounds like fun.  Prior to any coming out conversations, I'd love to try it just to toy with them a bit more.  Holy >-bleeped-<, people are curious.  People casually hanging around my office a lot lately.  I should break them while I have their attention.   

Hmm... I'm going shopping for interview clothes tomorrow... or... err.. later today, I guess. At some point after I wake up, which means going to bed first. But, anyway, I'll give you a call when I'm ready to go and see if you're up for joining me. I can pass along the dress, and maybe we can find you some old lady accessories 

[Sophia Hawke]

Yeah. I'm not looking forward to my interview on Thursday for that reason. As far as I know they think I'm cisfemale. And, I don't 'pass' for >-bleeped-<, plus all my "right to work" documentation is still in my male name, which is NOT the name I put on the application. So, even if it doesn't come up during the interview, if I'm offered a job it will come up. And... I dunno. I'm just not looking forward to that. At all. Somewhat scared of it, in fact. Sigh. I'd honestly rather be in your situation of having my employer come to me asking me about it from kind of a supportive angle once I'm established there.

But, I dunno. I view it as a hurdle and a milestone. A trans right of passage, if you will. Some girls become women when they have their first period. I become a woman when I tell the world I'm a woman. I'd rather go the former route, but damn Y chromosome screwed me out of that. *shakes fist in the direction of my father* 

Hmm... I'm going shopping for interview clothes tomorrow... or... err.. later today, I guess. At some point after I wake up, which means going to bed first. But, anyway, I'll give you a call when I'm ready to go and see if you're up for joining me. I can pass along the dress, and maybe we can find you some old lady accessories 

IDK what college life is like, or how staff dress at college.  However, my experience with offices has generally been,  maxi/tea/pencil skirts or brown/black pants with a blouse/cardigan (some kind of top thats not overly wild or bright) and lots of browns/blacks.

[Teri Wells]

Fantastic look!!!!

[Shantel]

I might need to make it official and just come out, just to break the tension.  I'm not sure if it will even have any meaning now, so late in the game.  I'm kinda not looking forward to having that talk with my bosses or co-workers because I never intended to make it any of their business.  I just want to be left alone.  People can't be bothered to curb their curiosity though and it's causing me an increasing number of problems, with stuff like this.

Yes on the above comment! Honestly Nora, you look great in that dress with leggings at your age and there's nothing there that is unsuitable for your work environment, you have great taste in clothing. I think some of the gals here are right about your boss's comments which are probably nothing more than a veiled attempt to get you to make it official that no you are not just cross dressing, but that you are in transition. Tell him yes on the pronouns and the name, get it all behind you hon, they just want you to make it official.

[Michelle123]

Nice expression.  Big eyes.

[barbie]

I do get plenty of positive comments about my outfits & makeup from women, if that matters at all.

Now I'm feeling really insecure.  My boss is difficult to read sometimes, because he's very blunt but casual about saying things.  He'll just say things without demanding an action or giving a reason.  Is he giving me a gentle nudge to try and dress more lady-like?

I don't even know what to think.  I told a female co-worker about the incident and asked her what she thought.  She said she didn't think I was dressed too young, but I don't know if she was telling the truth or not because I might have put her in an awkward spot by asking, since I'm not out to her.  She most likely sees me as a habitual crossdressing male.

This is what I wore today.  What the hell?  Is my skirt too short or something?  Is it the mary janes?  The socks?  I don't get it.

I think you may get Botox for wrinkles in your forehead, making you look younger to match with your outfit. Botox is nowadays inexpensive, and you may need two or three more shots within 1 years to shape semi-permanently enhance your forehead.

Tastefulness may be important. In my case, most men and women adore my fashion. I also work in a university, and most women do not care so much about their appearance. Just wearing casuals such as jeans and tees. Some young undergraduate students wear like me, and I am 30 years older than them. Some male professors here jokingly scold their female graduate students or post-docs for their poor fashion by comparing with me.

I observe the fashion trend among female undergraduate students, and try to follow them to purchase new fashion items, if necessary.

Just in the front of my office.



The  top is very short, because it is for little girls, probably < 6 years old 
The patterned skirt is popular among fashionable undergrad students.

When I deliver a lecture, I wear like:



For lecture, I minimize the exposure of my body by wearing thick stockings and long coat. Some of my colleagues recommend me not to look too sexy during the class, because a few students can complain about it. While looking conservative, I still can express my femininity.

barbie~~