Relationship

[Temperance]

Hello! I am new here

I posted an introduction about my situation, you can find it here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,161867.0.html Please read it before continuing to read!

I have never been in a serious relationship yet. This may be caused by many reasons. First of all, I am mostly an introvert. I have many friends and all, but I am only close and comfortable with a few of them. Also, I have never felt loved before. I always felt like my parents don't care about me at all and that they are forced to keep me. They never talk to me about anything, and are in their own world. That's why I'm starting to feel like I'm not capable of loving someone because no one will love me back.

I am into girls. I am 100% sure that I only like women physically. Something that is weird though, is that I don't enjoy "checking out" women's bodies, but rather their faces, their or their eyes. Also, I am much more turned on by more intimate things than simply lust. I also prefer women emotionally, although there might be a rare chance I can like a guy. Oh and being a "guy", I went to an all-boys high school, and obviously, there are no girls there. That's partially how I realized I was a transgender. I didn't get along that well with the majority of the people there, and I often felt disgusted about what they did or talked about. However, I don't have many female friends of my age neither. However, I would love to have a female friend close to me to talk about whatever.

I only fully understood my situation a few days ago. Being an introvert, I have difficulty talking to people I'm not familiar with, so it's very hard for me to make new close friends. Especially that I'm a "boy" right now, and most girls don't want anything to me. I am also very self-conscious about my image. I always think I am ugly and disgusting to people. Maybe that will change after transitioning, but that would be in a long time.. Anyway, I hate approaching people, especially girls, whether it be for friendship or if I'm interested in a relationship. I'd rather be the one being approached, but being a "guy", that isn't really going to happen in the modern society gender image. I feel like I am more capable of loving someone who is attracted to me emotionally rather than loving someone. Is that weird or not?

The truth be told, I am desperate to be loved.. I always feel lonely, and I have no brothers or sisters, no cousins that are near my age, and near no one to talk about my everyday problems. I just don't know how will it be possible. I tried finding someone online, but that just doesn't work for me, I need someone's gentle touch holding me, and their soothing words telling me that everything will be alright...

Please help!

Thanks so much

[mrs izzy]

Just take things one day at a time. Seems most time we find love when we are not looking.

Confindence is the key. You need to find that person in yourself.

I have been out of the dating game for so long. I looked with-in the community to find my soul mate.

I wish you all the best in your own search for your soul mate. Relax and just keep putting yourself out there.

Izzy

[Crackpot]

Temperance,
I wish there was more that I could do for you other than tell you these things take time. There is someone for everyone, it just takes time to find them sometimes. You just need to put yourself out there. I've always been more introverted too, but when I first met my wife I had to be the one to initiate the first conversation. After that initial contact, it took more than a year for us to speak again, but she remember me from that. You will find your special someone too, when you least expect it.

Also, I want to add. You are not weird. You are who you are and you shouldn't question how you feel things. Why should it be weird that you don't objectify people, but instead look them in the eyes? I think that's admirable.

[stephaniec]

if your enrolled in a college you should be able to get counseling at the school.