Estrogen allowed me to really find myself as bisexual. I'm like Kate, men generally make me uncomfortable, but the sexual attraction (to the extent I have any at all) is undeniably there, like it or not.
Perhaps like Kate, once my transition is completed, SRS and all, I will be able to relax better around men. I hate feeling threatened every time I'm out alone and see a group of men. My instinct is to get away immediately. I still need to get over those rapes when I was 13, as well as the years of trauma resulting from being forced into the company of boys where I obviously did not fit in. When I look back on that male socialization I endured, all I can see is a bottomless pit of misery and horror. I need to move forward all the way and get clear of the past before I can hope to relate to men in a balanced and healthy way.
A large part of my discomfort is being obviously very femme but not securely placed in the female niche of the binary yet. I will be there very soon! My presenting ambiguous gender makes men uneasy, and that in turn causes me discomfort being around their vibes. Guess I'm just not cut out to be genderqueer, I belong on the female side of the binary.
I just like women ever so much better, in every respect. I find the company of women a healing refuge when the stress of living in a male-dominated world becomes too oppressive. Bisexuality or attraction to men has no real significance for me, it's just there like any other biological function, big deal. But lesbianism holds very deep and vital significance for me, emotionally, spiritually, I thrive on the love of women for women, it makes my life complete.
