How to break uncertainty

[Berliegh]

Well you certainly look great in your avatar, so if that's *without* HRT changes, you're waaaay ahead of the game already. I don't look half as passable WITH a year of HRT, though I'll admit I've experienced a lot of changes... and I'm getting closer to where I need to be.

People often report a spurt of changes whenever they switch regimens... maybe consider asking your doc to try something new? I don't think one type of E is superior over another necessarily, but it sometimes seems like the body gets used to a regimen after awhile, and a *change* sorta wakes it up.

~Kate~

Thanks Kate for the nice comments, I'm not the most confident person.......I've looked about the same as I do now since I was 13 with same hairstyle and clothes sense and haven't changed much in 30 years.......I've always looked quite feminine.. long before HRT, I actually think I looked better before....I'll post some pre- HRTpics..

As for HRT I've tried them all over the years.....some oddly worked in reverse, Progynova made me violently sick and anti androgens like Zoladex (Gosalarin)
had reversal effects too.

I'm settled on Ethinyestrodial and cypretone acitate (andocur) and also try and put a bit of progesterone in the mix.....

[Fae]

Kate and Fae you both talk a lot of sense and I enjoy your posts but what do you both actually look like?

I'm not comfortable posting pictures on here, but I will tell you I've always had a somewhat feminine frame.  Even before HRT, if I was wearing women's clothes I looked like a woman from behind.  I'm only 5'4", which is average for a woman.  My face isn't too masculine looking, but there are some features and some stubble (I use Vaniqa and not looking at electro right now - needles scare me) but in a few more months my face should be pretty feminine looking. 

I pass about 80% of the time right now, which is why going full-time has actually chosen it's own time to happen. 

[melissa90299]

Kate and Fae you both talk a lot of sense and I enjoy your posts but what do you both actually look like?

I wish my body would morph into a female shape....I've been on mones for 7 years and there's no sign of it yet.......no fat re-distribution at all and very little breast growth so far..

I remember reading an article in a magazine once about a transition story and the person in the article said 'I'm so proud of my new body' and you saw the pic and the person just looked like an ordinary bloke with a man's fat distribution... do some people sometimes become dillusional while on hormones?

I think a lot of people do unfortunately, if they were not already, self-truth
is very difficult for people in general, I was hoping that my BA would clinch it as far as my body goes, FFS did it for my face, anyway I bought a bikini yesterday and wore my pink top and a gorgeous pink flowered gauze dress, it took me less than a few minutes out in public to confirm that the BA and three years of HRT has done the trick. These Thai men let you know what they think pretty quickly!!!

[asiangurliee]

I've been on HRT for 6 months and i always think "if i am really doing the right thing".  It's hard for me to be certain about anything, i can't decide on anything and i question everything.

All perfectly normal. A friend of mine and I spent decades beating this thing to death, looking for ANY explanation that would avoid transitioning... some way to dismiss it all as some sort of mental illness or something.

In the end, all we did was entrench it further, see the truth of it all, and prove to ourselves we had to transition.

And hey, I STILL wake up every day thinking, "OMG! I cannot believe I did this! This is INSANE!" And then I go about my day

I don't have any advice for you, but i didn't feel too uncomfortable with my gentials before HRT either.

Me neither. Not all TSs are hung up on their genitals, regardless of what the popular opinion is. Outa sight, outa mind IMHO. The only time they REALLY bother me is when they're aroused (doesn't happen anymore of course).

It was my need to live as a woman, it wasn't so much about what my body was.

Exactly... to a point. I hated seeing a male in the mirror, but overall, my body otherwise wasn't very masculine, so it wasn't THAT bad to deal with. But yes, it was the female LIFE I sooooo badly longed for, the entire thing from girlhood to puberty to womanhood. The right body was PART of that, but not the entire point of it.

After being on hormones, I am becoming more disturbed about the sight of my penis.

Same here. I figure:

1) As my body morphs into a female shape, the penis is more and more incongruent
2) As my sexuality begins to seem more and more hopeful of expression, I'd like the correct genitals for it

I dont have much to contribute right now,...

You're contributing wonderfully! We all have doubts and concerns, and sharing that fact is a wonderful way to offer support!

~Kate~

Thank you so much, Kate. I love reading your posts. Your outlook on transitioning is bold and unique, and I can relate to A LOT of what you said.    Keep posting them!