Well, first I would like to apologize if I posted this in the wrong section, but I thought I would post this here since it is mostly the update and then a few questions later on. I will also apologize for how long this is D:
Well! My biggest update of them all, is that I finally managed to see the Gender Therapist last Saturday here in Iceland after a long wait
As some of you might know I was already seeing a professional due to that I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) so one of the first few I came out to was of course her. She is not against it, if I remember correctly, she has about six or seven trans friends in Germany, so she is pretty open minded about it all. But, she actually did not really want me seeing that gender therapist at all, and she wanted me to put all of that on hold while I worked on other things. Sure, I understand where she is coming from, but she actually called the gender therapist before I had my appointment and told him that I should wait with everything. Told him just briefly about my history and what I was diagnosed with.
Luckily she told me that she had called him, instead it would have been rather awkward when he would bring it up at my first meeting. But I still feel like she has put a leash around my neck and that she is trying to control the speed I am going at things. I feel like that she has taken this matter a bit more onto her hands and taken them from mine. Makes me feel a bit like I don't really have the right to have an opinion about this. But, the first meeting went rather smoothly even for all of that.
So, the name of the guy who is a head of the Trans team here in Iceland is Ottar, and he was the one I saw at my first meeting and he seems rather cool about everything. He listens well, and he pretty quickly referred to me as a guy and not as a girl, which was very cool of him. He also told me how transitioning works out here in Iceland and what I would have to do. Ottar told me that I had to come out of the closet to everyone around me, family and friends, and come out on facebook as well and start living as a man. Which I actually do not have a big problem with, but I know that socially transitioning when strangers will see nothing but a woman when they look at me. I am hoping that perhaps a new haircut and some new clothes will help, but I also realized that I had rather high expectations for my binders. That, if I would put one on, the world would see me for how I am on the inside, and not the female I was born. But, I will also hold onto the good part that I do sometimes pass on pictures
Trying to be optimistic here.
The second step really, would be to live as a man, having a mans name and dressing like a man for at least a year, and then I would be able to start T. I do understand that they do want everything to be 100% before I start T and have top surgery.
Like I stated before, I am trying really hard to be optimistic here but for some reason I feel like I am not sure if I can take a year of that. I know I most likely will and the year will pass by pretty fast... But, ever since I was pretty young, the core of me tells me I don't actually have a rather long life span. Strange... It's not like I do have any terminal illnesses, or anything like that. The therapist I am seeing now, she says it is because I grew up constantly on the run, on the edge and fighting to stay alive. Again, I'm trying as hard as I can to stay optimistic about everything.
And then, I also just moved. I moved in with my dads last weekend, and am just finishing up the final touches of the moving progress this week, and settling in. I know here, at home at least, I will have no problem socially transitioning since my dad and his wife are more then open minded to it all, and are very nice about it all. They also have no problem referring me with right pronounces. But, this is also a small town, close to another small town I used to live in a few years back, and well... Lets just say I had a place in a topic of rumors a while back that just recently went down. And also, a small town that is slightly homophobic, and I can only imagine what hell fire will start when they find out I am trans. Which I will not be able to hide since I will be going to school there.
I am going to socially transition, even though it will be hard. What I am most scared of though, is how my daughter will be treated. She is only turning five, she doesn't care if I'm a boy or a girl, to her I'm mommy, who is her prince (which, btw, she has been saying ever since she could properly speak.)
School, ah, talking about school. I am actually looking forward to that, going back to school, but I keep on going back and forth with what I should learn xD I would love, love, LOVE being an artist, and my dream job would be a character conception artist. But, I also know that it is a tough business to have your name and work leave an impression, let alone getting a job.
But, I think I am getting a bit off topic here, so I will head to my questions.
So! My dad has been wanting to move back to America ever since we moved back to Iceland, but his wife doesn't really want to move back there and they have been offered a place to stay there, but also been offered a place to stay in Australia if they would move there. Both cases, I have been offered to ether go with them, or come when they have settled properly. I know how things are in America, but I wanted to ask the Aussies here if they could tell me a bit about how it is there? Are there good schools? Just curious about it all, I don't think I would mind starting a bit fresh in a new country
Then there is a question to those who work out here, if there are any good exercises I could do at home to get rid of the so cold love handles, and maybe make my thighs a bit thinner? I am going to start running at least three times a week, do a bit of cardio running and I have been checking to see if I could get a bike for cheep.
Then I also have been wondering if I should get some tablets to help with the burning progress and something that might give me a bit of energy to help me start out and I was wondering, would it be a bad idea to get tablets that are made for men? I don't really understand the difference, but I thought I would ask
I think I will have this the end of my post, since it has gotten very long. Thanks for reading, and don't hesitate to ask if there is something that does not make sense in what I wrote, and I will try to explain what I meant
