First time going out

[Natalia]

Hi girls ^^

You know, I always had a certain question bothering me...how can I be sure if I want to be a woman if I have never tried going out as one?

Last night I could taste it and I have never felt so amazingly wonderful on my entire life! I am not exaggerating! It's amazing to be yourself, finally!  Last night was a night to remember!

I accepted the invite of a friend for a crossdresser party at a nightclub. Most people I met were crossdressers and they were incredibly friendly and very cute with me! They wanted my first experience as a woman to be great! And it was!  (I just missed meeting any transwoman  )

Oh...but the hours before the party were passing so slowly...I got really anxious, because it would be the very first time that I would leave my room as myself and be able to  walk, talk, wear feminine clothing...be who I am!

And the experience was wonderful! 

And what amazed me is how natural it was!

I wasn't trying to be more feminine, but once I could leave my "boy-mode", everything seemed so right and the way it should have been...I don't know if I am sounding crazy, but it was exactly like that! I was sitting, walking and porting like the woman I am...a timid shy woman, but very talkative with the people who start to know me better.

I don't know if I was really looking and acting on a more feminine way or if it was only my imagination wanting to make me feel good...but there were times I felt so girly

I even had the sensation there was a crossdresser there who was a bit interested in me...I might be lunatic, but she was talking a lot only with me at first and wanted to pay me snacks and drinks ^^ She was so generous I started to guess something more was in game, but, you know, I am a very hard woman 

I didn't want to go back to my "boy-mode"...but it was necessary. I wanted to drive until my home dressed and never more go back to this boring dull and colorless "boy-mode"....hahaha I can only imagine myself entering my home like that and the neighbors clocking me! 

Each day I release one more piece of myself into my "boy-mode", but I really would love to be able to go full time once for all.

I am wondering what more can I do...I can't get out of my home dressed...if I could I would go shopping as myself right now!   

[Shantel]

I'm happy for you Natalia, what a wonderful experience!

[Jessica Merriman]

Sounds like the Genie is really struggling to get the lid off the bottle! You are going to have to start getting out of the house soon. I don't know what would bar you from going out dressed because you sound pretty intent to me. I am just so happy you got to experience the joy of being who you really are! I like the new avatar photo as well. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give Natalia a dress and IT'S ON!!

[Joan]

Good for you, Natalia!

The first time out for me was a pretty amazing experience and one that is strong in my memory.  And yes, doesn't it feel great to finally let yourself run free?

When's the next party?

[kathyk]

You might find yourself in fast-forward from here.  Once you've discovered the freedom there's no stopping it.

I also was invited to my first real semi-public excursion at a cross dressers and transgender barbeque and pool party.  I kind of fit into the group by wearing my most feminine blue jeans, a nice top, and a woman's fedora to cover my bald spot.  .   That was only about one year ago, and I was full time a little more than two months later. 

You're already taking in the wonderment of who you are.  Now let your world expand with joy. 

[Veronica M]

Girl you just made my day! Good for you, Natalia!
Sounds like you had a wonderful time.

[Tori]

Oh yeah! Once you start it gets hard to stop. Three weeks to the day since I first went outside. Ever since, I have had 3-4 social engagements per week where my former guy self is not even invited. It can really happen fast. SO FUN! And this takes practice. The more you do it, the more you pass.

[stephaniec]

congrats. You said though that your unable to go shopping as yourself. why is that ?

[Natalia]

Thank you everyone for the responses I'm really very happy to be myself at last and I am really looking forward to keep going out as myself from now on....the bad part is that in "boy-mode" I am already starting to forget the feeling of how it is to be a woman...so, I can't let myself forget it! I won't!

congrats. You said though that your unable to go shopping as yourself. why is that ?

It would be a big shock for my grandparents...mainly for my grandfather. My grandmother saw me as myself already and she even liked my "new" me...but she don't want me to go out yet because of what the neighboors might think.

I really don't care of what they might think, but I respect my grandmother wish and this is her house after all.

And my grandfather is not in a very good shape since my mother (his daughter) passed away two weeks ago (I am not good too, but I am holdong up with some sedatives...). It would be too much for him to see me as my real me...it is not the right time to do that, not for him.

I really need some place where I could go unnoticed in "boy-mode" and dress into myself...then back again....but where is that? I cannot enter on a male restroom and leave as a woman lol

[Shantel]

Thank you everyone for the responses

It would be a big shock for my grandparents...mainly for my grandfather. My grandmother saw me as myself already and she even liked my "new" me...but she don't want me to go out yet because of what the neighboors might think.

I really don't care of what they might think, but I respect my grandmother wish and this is her house after all.

And my grandfather is not in a very good shape since my mother (his daughter) passed away two weeks ago (I am not good too, but I am holdong up with some sedatives...). It would be too much for him to see me as my real me...it is not the right time to do that, not for him.

I really need some place where I could go unnoticed in "boy-mode" and dress into myself...then back again....but where is that? I cannot enter on a male restroom and leave as a woman lol

Oh I'm so sorry that you lost your mother dear, I didn't realize that until now. ((Hugs))

[Kim 526]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother.

[stephaniec]

I don't know , do you have a separate garage from the house  or maybe an understanding friend or some place that has gender neutral restrooms.

[Natalia]

Thank you for your kind words Shnatel and Kim, really!

I don't know , do you have a separate garage from the house  or maybe an understanding friend or some place that has gender neutral restrooms.

The problem is that I don't have anybody that knows about my "condition" besides from my grandparents. And it's impossible to leave my garage dressed because I need to open and close it manually...

I could try to get out with female clothes underneath a male jacket and get my wig and proper shoes inside a bag...but I don't think I would be able to change and set up any make-up inside my car. Without make-up I don't think I can pass (actually I don't know if I pass even with make-up!)

And I don't know any place with gender neutral restrooms either...no shopping center around here has one

[stephaniec]

Thank you for your kind words Shnatel and Kim, really!

The problem is that I don't have anybody that knows about my "condition" besides from my grandparents. And it's impossible to leave my garage dressed because I need to open and close it manually...

I could try to get out with female clothes underneath a male jacket and get my wig and proper shoes inside a bag...but I don't think I would be able to change and set up any make-up inside my car. Without make-up I don't think I can pass (actually I don't know if I pass even with make-up!)

And I don't know any place with gender neutral restrooms either...no shopping center around here has one

Well, starbucks has single locked restrooms and you can use the men's if there not gender neutral and no one will say anything about a female coming out of a male marked bathroom people do it all the time. if you have to go you have to go.

[dkl]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I actually got pretty good at doing my makeup in the car when I was first going out. Of course it wasn't at night.

[kathyk]

Sorry that you're mom passed. How your grandfather deals with this transition means a lot more now. And knowing this I hope even more that the advice you get helps.

So, maybe you could stop into Walmart or a thrift store and pick up some women's clothes that are very androgynous.  It's a way to wear women's clothing without standing out too much.  I started going to Walmart for items off the women's clearance racks and found a lot of clothes that aren't especially female, but didn't make me look like a guy.  Although after all this time on HRT I don't know how I could ever look like a guy again, or even want to look like a guy again.

[Sttefanne Camp]

Hi Natalia 
I was very happy for the opportunity to join you on Saturday night  ... the twinkle in his eyes was a wonderful thing to be seen ... And the most important thing was you "be yourself", female, happy  ...
Congratulations ... and until next time ...