Had a really good day today and just thought I'd share the good news + positive vibes!
So, I travelled to a medical clinic an hr + a half from my current home that was recommended by one of the girls here because I have ZERO faith in the local lunkhead doctor I see. I made a terrific entry to the clinic by not being able to figure out the electronic lock on the door because I was so anxious... but, at least it broke the ice with the receptionist... Or that is the good I tried to take away from making myself look spectacularly boneheaded... FIRST IMPRESSIONS!
Anyway, after that, I'm in the waiting room trying my hardest not to shake because I'm so fricking nervous about coming out to a doc... I ended up posting supid msg after stupid msg to my friends to keep my hands still and my mind occupied so I wouldn't just stress n' shake!
When they finally called my name, I went in to the room, and met the doc.... Rather than some cleverly rehearsed speech that I had oh-so-brilliantly written in my head on the lengthy train ride in to the office, I end up blurting out with all the grace of one who has been evicted from a bar at 2am for vomiting on a bouncer...
And you know what? The doc was absolutely brilliant. I was able to talk through what I needed to, and gave her the true, honesty story of my trans feelings and history... She made me feel totally welcome and accepted, and gave me a referral to see a psych who specialises in gender concerns with an eye to evaluating me for prospective hormone therapy.
I may not be expressing myself brilliantly here because my brain feels flat after all the blood they took for testing, but it's funny... I feel that today I have achieved more, in "real world" terms, in relation to my gender situation, than I have done in my whole life. It feels absolutely amazing.
It might not be much more than a small drop in the ocean in the scope of the big picture, but it means the world to me. I'm proud of me. I'm thankful to the poster here who referred me to the clinic. I'm happy that the dull, grey, lonely place it feels that my life has been stuck in for so, so many years is not going to be my future anymore.
