Borderline Personality Disorder

[Confused888]

Ok so my psychiatrist thinks I have borderline personality disorder and that I am not necessarily transgender...I know no one can tell me who I really am but I am just getting frustrated because I really do feel that I am transgender (FTM) and it's not borderline personality disorder...I don't think I have BPD because I don't fit most of the criteria except the obvious identity confusion, depression/emptiness and I've had stormy relationships with people but I think that's a result of hiding that I'm trans and that I'm not being true to myself..To me if you're not really being true to yourself, you're never going to have fulfilling relationships with people...I hope I didn't offend anyone talking about BPD...I'm not saying that you guys could have this...I was just wondering if anyone has had this diagnosis but were trans instead or had both BPD and trans? In my situation, I didn't realize I might be trans until 2-3 years ago and have been in a state of denial and confusion for a while about it so maybe that's why my doctor thinks it's BPD? I don't know...I got up the courage to call a gender therapist today but she didn't answer and I left a message...she didn't call back because I called later in the day but I will call tomorrow again if she doesn't call back first...the thing with me is that I feel like my soul is male, almost like my "inner voice" is male...does anyone feel like that? I feel like a man in the way I speak and my mannerisms, it's hard to explain but I feel like that's a huge red flag that I'm trans...but then I question it because I was always pretty girly growing up (loved playing with dolls, didn't mind wearing dresses, etc) .. I didn't feel like something was off until puberty hit...I just felt unhappy and uncomfortable with myself...not necessarily like I hated my body but just discomfort...as you can see, I really need to speak with this doctor!

[Edge]

I am both trans and borderline. I also don't fit a lot of the BPD criteria (or don't think I do), but whatever the diagnosis, I am definitely nuts. Being borderline doesn't make me any less trans and I actually only figured out I was trans after my BPD got into remission and I was the healthiest I've been in years.
I feel like that. I used to see my inner self as a twin brother though. It was kind of my way of dealing with it. "Girly" is arbitrary. My cisgender brother played with dolls and wore dresses. My most likely cisgender son likes dresses and princesses. I liked dresses. I used not to hate my body either. It was just kind of surreal and disconnected. That's gotten worse though.

[Jasper.Beauclair]

I have not talked to any gender therapist but my therapist when I was around 11 or so.. I told her I felt weird, like I wasn't a girl, like I was in the wrong body, etc
She didn't ask anything about it after that and it was never brought up again
But I enjoy fashion and things (but only on others, I wish my gf would allow me to give her a makeover more often)
Most things in my laptop are pink
But I was raised with several women and effeminate men, so I always blamed that

But... Sorry maybe this isn't what you wanted to hear

I haven't seen a therapist for gender or trans or anything and the one time I brought it up with my regular therapist it was ignored

[sad panda]

to give a different perspective... I am both trans (maab and living as a girl for 2 yrs now) and BPD and I think my BPD was a big reason I transitioned. I don't think I would have done it without the identity problems i have from BPD (and attachment, cuz of my boyfriend who is the only reason i am still transitioned.) I mean in a lot of ways I don't feel like a boy but I think I was clinging to being trans to fill in for a lack of an identity. But I think I suffer really deeply from the borderline symptoms in terms of functioning, so it might be different for other people. Also my BPD was diagnosed a long time after I transitioned, my therapist before transitioning was too focused on me being feminine which she acted like was the source of all my problems and also she was a CBT therapist so no wonder it never got dxed until I saw a trauma therapist.

That said your therapist should not invalidate one just because of the other... I've complained about being trans and how emotionally hard it is for me countless times to my T who maintains that I am BPD and has never for a second questioned my transition and has said she'll do anything she can to help with it. And she isn't even familiar with trans issues so. I don't think they should be mutually exclusive, just, yeah the identity thing can also extend to gender confusion IMO... maybe it just hits an MAAB person a lil harder bc of not working well with the socialization people force on you. I don't really know.

Oh, also, my bf was reading this book about BPD and he said one thing that stood out to him that he always noticed from me was always having this nagging, constant feeling that other people think you are fake or wrong or whatever... so that affects being trans for me too. I never feel valid in my transition bc no matter how hard I try I personally cannot self validate. It won't feel right unless other people give me that validation. So maybe I really am trans and just constantly start doubting myself obsessively until people validate me again.

I guess what happened though was that transition didn't solve anyhing for me. I can't apprciate whether or not I feel better as a girl if i even do, all the ways I thought I would be happier didn't really help make me happier in the end. All I gained was one more way to feel fake and uncomfortable... sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear but it's just me :c

Edit (sorry for all the edits) one thing i also noticed is that when I see things glorifying being a boy now, esp a femme gay boy, I really want to be a boy again and it feels just like how I used to want to be a girl. So it feels like i'm just trying to fill an emptiness, not really identifying as these things, but I always end up doing that :/

[Kreuzfidel]

I can't say anything for anyone else - but I was diagnosed with all manner of random crap.  Schizotypal personality disorder, depression, anxiety, etc.

I think that a lot of psychs don't take into account how much psychological distress being trans* can cause over a number of years.  I have irreparable damage. 

I think that a lot of psychs are looking at the symptoms rather than the underlying cause.

[Confused888]

Kreuzfidel

OMG!! I can totally relate! I've been diagnosed with pretty much EVERYTHING by different doctors (depression, social anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar, body dysmorphia)  and it makes you think you're ->-bleeped-<-ing crazy when it's really just a result of repressing your true identity...I also think they should look at root cause instead of all the mental illness caused by years of repressing it! It's really like a snowball effect and doctor's have all talked me out of it (thinking I'm trans) too which really pisses me off...I just need to go straight to a gender therapist and tell them I feel like a man inside and what do I do now...no one can tell you who you are and I've definitely learned that from meeting all these idiot doctors...I just don't think they take me seriously because I figured this out around age 21 and this hasn't been a problem through my whole life...I'm still very depressed because I have not been treated properly for this...ugh so frustrating!

[aleon515]

I have heard that it is fairly easy to misdiagnose gender dysphoria as BPD. I think you should look up the gender therapists, because if you really believe you are trans-- very likely you are. Of course you can have both too. There is really no reason someone can't be trans and anything else there is you could be.

I agree with the idea that you can repress your gender identity and it can look like other stuff. I didn't have MOST of the characteristics.

BTW, I was dxed that at one time. I don't think applies, but see how they thought this.

--Jay

[sad panda]

I think it makes a lot of sense if there is no obvious reason you should have BPD which is rooted a lot in the way you are raised, or other disorders which basically are too. Like for me the cause is obvious, my mom has BPD, my dad had a lot of N traits but never would do therapy, equals lifelong glaring neglect that also led to lots of other crap.

If most of your problems were gender related.. yeah, probably the wrong dx

But still, it is a real condition and people with cluster B disorders have been known to change their personality completely to fit something. So it's still smth to think about... I wish someone had been there to seriously ask me, wait, but WHY are you moving in with a guy and going fulltime without having ever even presented as a girl before? Though I know I couldn't see the whole picture then and would have done it anyway.... sigh

[Confused888]

Sad Panda:

I am the kind of person who "changes" my personality to fit in with people...almost a chameleon in a sense...does that mean anything? I'm the ultimate people pleaser and I feel like it made me lose myself being like that...god I prob sound so warped! lol I can also relate to what you were saying about the feeling like people think you are wrong/fake...but I also fear rejection and that prob adds to thinking people feel like that about me...it's hard for me to get close to anyone because of people not being nice to me in my past...I'm not going to say I had a troubled childhood but I was teased a lot (by siblings and peers, I guess that really could be traumatic in a lot of ways) and I do have mental illness running in my family (bipolar, depression, addiction)...so idk ugh I really need this doctor to be highly trained and serious in helping me...hope she calls me back and wants to help...I just think I am more damaged from my past experiences then I realized...I grew up in a family that was all about tough love, not very affectionate people and didn't really talk about feelings..so I'm used to having a "brush it off" attitude about events that might have been way more traumatic in hindsight...

[aleon515]

Whether the BPD fits or not, you could still be trans. Since there is really no group of people that doesn't contain trans people (think about that one-- as the only group I can think of are "cis"), it is very possible to be both.
You might think about seeing a gender therapist, since most of them only do this as a very small part of their practice. My counselor only had a very few trans clients, most of them were depressed or had other kinds of problems only. So they should be qualified to see you otherwise.

--Jay

[Alexthecat]

One said I had schizoid personality disorder. Rereading it sounds like I do but that doesn't explain the dysphoria of the boobs I had or the shudder when I am called female. Basically it just explains why I don't communicate well.

So you can have more than one thing. Trans opens up passages of the brain to lots of things sometimes, like how depression can.

[Jeatyn]

I was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder from a shrink I was forced to see for reasons I won't go in to here. She clearly did not understand trans issues at all which was made very obvious when her report started with "She was wearing male clothing and had short hair but otherwise appeared female"   (along with depression, social anxiety disorder, etc etc)

This was a year after I had already gotten a GID diagnosis from an actual gender therapist. I later saw a different gender therapist, who told me that borderline personality disorder is a very common misdiagnosis for trans people if they see a psych who doesn't understand/believe in/approve of transitioning; and it's no secret that being trans can lead to periods of depression and social problems. He'd apparently had hundreds of patients with the same story.

Obviously, the two aren't mutually exclusive, but my point is...if you don't agree with the diagnosis, get a second opinion.

[aleon515]

Yeah, a long time ago, they made a huge deal of my androgynous dress and lack of feminine identification. Of course, back then I suppose they should be forgiven for not getting the trans thing (and I didn't know any more about that than they did). But I think these days they might have read a *little*.

I agree with second opinion, but I think you should find someone who knows about trans issues.

--Jay

[timbuck2]

I was diagnosed with ASPD (Anti Social Personality disorder) by 2 psychiatrists then told I was just struggling with depression and stress related to being transgender by 2 others so I definitely agree with anyone else who has said to get a second opinion...as well as a third and fourth if needed.

[aleon515]

Check out this thread: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162266.0.html

--Jay

[Natkat]

I Don't belive you should identify with a dignose you don't feel fit's you. I feel many people getting all kind of dignose and manly it as Kreuzfidel say because they just look at symtomes but not at the cause, really no matter how perfect you are you can always be dignosed with something because we are all unperfect as human beings so if it dosen't suit then dont bother.

sure some dignose are usefull if you really feel it actually fits you and can help you to explain how you feel, but I also feel often people get overdignosed pretty randomly because the psykiatrist dosen't really have any other explenations on what is consider abnormal. Many people get ADHD, Depression or Borderlines dignoses and some on pretty low reseach. I knew a girl who got a ADHD dignose because she didn't want to be social with her classmates which bullied her, I have also got a wierd kind of sexual maturity disorder, basically meaning im confussed about my sexualety because I told my psykiatrist I was bisexual. I don't think neither of us is force to identify with it.

also Even if you got Borderline, ADHD or whatever you have you can sure also be trans, there not connected in a way that you much be either trans or Dignosed or anything like that.

[AdamMLP]

I know of quite a few people who have BPD and are trans.  I don't know what they think of their diagnoses (sp?), but they seem to be in agreement with them.  It doesn't stop them getting treatment for being trans.

[sad panda]

I just don't like when people act like BPD is not real. Yeah it is overdiagnosed by ignorant psychs but if you are self harming, reckless, constantly getting into unsteady relationships, struggling with EDs or dissociation, stuff like that, those things are not caused by being trans, they're bad coping mechanisms and they mean you have another problem to work on too, maube BPD. Like people said it is ok to have both. It's just about what help you need to be healthy. Cuz being trans is a trigger, coping with it the wrong way is still unhealthy.

Sad Panda:

I am the kind of person who "changes" my personality to fit in with people...almost a chameleon in a sense...does that mean anything? I'm the ultimate people pleaser and I feel like it made me lose myself being like that...god I prob sound so warped! lol I can also relate to what you were saying about the feeling like people think you are wrong/fake...but I also fear rejection and that prob adds to thinking people feel like that about me...it's hard for me to get close to anyone because of people not being nice to me in my past...I'm not going to say I had a troubled childhood but I was teased a lot (by siblings and peers, I guess that really could be traumatic in a lot of ways) and I do have mental illness running in my family (bipolar, depression, addiction)...so idk ugh I really need this doctor to be highly trained and serious in helping me...hope she calls me back and wants to help...I just think I am more damaged from my past experiences then I realized...I grew up in a family that was all about tough love, not very affectionate people and didn't really talk about feelings..so I'm used to having a "brush it off" attitude about events that might have been way more traumatic in hindsight...

Well those traits are common in pwBPD and i suffer from them a lot as well but it doesn't mean you have it for sure. It's more about how your behaviors are hurting you im your daily life. It's not my place to comment on it but if you think it is the wrong diagnosis you should definitely get a second opinion.

In terms of whether or not you are trans i think you have to let time tell and maybe try changing your gender presentation and see how it makes you feel. I transitioned recklessly and regretted it and don't feel the same as i used to exactly. Just smth to think about.

[GnomeKid]

For a while a friend and I were both almost convinced we had BPD.  I think we were both just in super rough spots in our lives, and had super emotionally difficult girlfriends who we loved too much.  After top surgery and T there is no way at all that I think I have that.  She may still feel she does.  I can't say, but she does have a really awesome girl and seems to be much more emotionally better off now as well.  Neither of us ever saw a licensed professional during this time.

Not saying this is your issue necessarily, but just my little anecdote about the situation. 

edit: just want to add that you totally can be both. 

[jussmoi4nao]

I'm very likely borderline. My therapist is for whatever reason reluctant to diagnose me, but she thinks so as well and she doesn't see it as conflicting with being trans. I know for a fact I'm trans. I don't know many things but that's one I've known my whole life without a doubt. I'm the definition of trans, as far as I'm concerned. So I feel positive you caan be both. I knew I was waay before the BPD issues affected my life (try age 4)...ironically, they caused me to briefly detransition.

Point ismaybe you are borderline..doesn't mean you aren't trans. I say new therapist.