Hey there, everyone! I'm hoping for some pointers... I hope this doesn't irritate some of you.
I'm starting testosterone in about two weeks from now, depending on my medical insurance, and I'm currently unemployed without any work history. I'm nineteen years old and living with my girlfriend who just found a job TODAY after searching for employment since late September. I'm honestly feeling a little jealous since I've been wanting to contribute to our rent and I'm feeling a bit stir crazy from sitting in our apartment all day long without much to do.
There's a few problems though. I have intense dysphoria and I tend to get anxiety attacks being in public for too long, so I'm not sure how I can personally handle a job. I had to be pulled out of high school for that very reason (for having too much anxiety to focus and feeling exposed). Before puberty, I was never anti-social and I was quite the class clown but depression and insecurity dampened me a lot. I'm partially disabled, because of my heart and lungs but it doesn't qualify for me to get disability, so I'm stuck there and according to the law, it's not an excuse to not seek employment. And now, that I'm finally able to transition after all these years, how do I go about finding work?
I've never presented as my biological gender and I refuse to. I'm trying to daydream about working but I can't handle being called my birth name and pronouns. I just can't. I haven't changed my name yet, but I have all the paperwork to do so. I have the fee waiver and all I have to do is submit it to the court, but my state requires having a "Order to Show Case" which means I have to pay $100 to the newspaper to publish my case which I don't have right now. I'm scared too that no one would want to hire someone who's hormonal going through changes and doesn't pass very well. I don't know. I really want to work and be productive, but I'm terrified and need reassurance that it'll be alright. Would anyone hire a transitioning transman? Help.
