Join me! Lara needs you!

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

It's time for the monthly overly drawn out acronym for positive self-change and growth.  The truth is, I make these for myself (soooo selfish) but in the hopes that you will all join me in this.  For the month of April, and mark your calendar ladies, we will be celebrating:


Transgender Self-Acceptance Month

Or

TSAM

Wow, that's the most manageable acronym I have made yet.  Does anyone remember TWYFBOM (Transgender Work Your Friggin Butt Off Month)? 

I have a lot of internal struggles with my transition and I find it really helpful to project those troubles in a positive way.  In a way that all my trans sisters (not transistors) can join me.  I have a lot of problems just accepting who I am.  I was born a man but I AM a woman.  This is a fact that I cannot change, and that's okay!
This month and forever more, I choose to accept the following things about me and I hope you can join me with your own stuff.

I am:
-taller than most CIS women
-larger than most CIS women
-working on getting rid of my beard
-working on my voice
-not socialized as a woman

I accept these things and I move forward to change what can be changed and love what cannot be changed.  I love me and I love you. 

Now join me!  What do you accept about yourself today?

[kathyk]

Hmmm.  OK, even though self acceptance is nearly always a daily part of my life I'll join you in this to attempt a perfect month. 

Self acceptance is different from emotional distress or depression, but they effect each other and make me ask "Am I stupid for doing this?".  There's usually one day a month when emotions go wacko, and it eventually gets beaten back.  I don't know about the rest of you, but when something goes wrong like that I have to kick myself the next day for being so god damned reckless with my emotions. 

A perfect month?  I'll go for it.

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

Hmmm.  OK, even though self acceptance is nearly always a daily part of my life I'll join you in this to attempt a perfect month. 

Self acceptance is different from emotional distress or depression, but they effect each other and make me ask "Am I stupid for doing this?".  There's usually one day a month when emotions go wacko, and it eventually gets beaten back.  I don't know about the rest of you, but when something goes wrong like that I have to kick myself the next day for being so god damned reckless with my emotions. 

A perfect month?  I'll go for it.

Thanks Kathyk!  I go through the same thing!  "Am I stupid for doing this?"  So many times I ask myself that.  I never thought of it that way.  Being reckless with emotions.

[alabamagirl]

There's nothing more attractive than a tall woman. <3

That last one on your list makes me wonder about something, though. I've never been involved in any "socialization" one way or the other. I've always been a shy recluse. I've never thought about it this way before, but was that a blessing in disguise? Maybe I've inadvertently saved myself from the pain of having the full experience of male socialization.

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

There's nothing more attractive than a tall woman. <3

That last one on your list makes me wonder about something, though. I've never been involved in any "socialization" one way or the other. I've always been a shy recluse. I've never thought about it this way before, but was that a blessing in disguise? Maybe I've inadvertently saved myself from the pain of having the full experience of male socialization.

OMG Pikachu!! I just got you to lv 40 on Pokemon X! 

Just kidding.

I think that in a way you are lucky that you don't have to unlearn all that male crap.  At the same time, life a male has made me into a transgender super hero (at least in my own head).

[suzifrommd]

I need to accept that I'll never look female without my wig. I look in the bathroom mirror and have so much trouble saying "yes, that's a woman" if I don't have it on. I have to accept that I'll never look like the traditional woman but that's ok, because I have a female heart, and that makes me as much of a woman as I need to be.

[alabamagirl]

OMG Pikachu!! I just got you to lv 40 on Pokemon X! 

Just kidding.

I think that in a way you are lucky that you don't have to unlearn all that male crap.  At the same time, life a male has made me into a transgender super hero (at least in my own head).

Hehe~ I don't know if you're a superhero, but I think you have a charming personality and I always find you uplifting to be around.

I need to accept that I'll never look female without my wig. I look in the bathroom mirror and have so much trouble saying "yes, that's a woman" if I don't have it on. I have to accept that I'll never look like the traditional woman but that's ok, because I have a female heart, and that makes me as much of a woman as I need to be.

The heart is the most beautiful part of any woman.

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

Hehe~ I don't know if you're a superhero, but I think you have a charming personality and I always find you uplifting to be around.

The heart is the most beautiful part of any woman.

Just you wait till I learn to fly!! Then Ill be a superhero. lol

Thank you.

I need to accept that I'll never look female without my wig. I look in the bathroom mirror and have so much trouble saying "yes, that's a woman" if I don't have it on. I have to accept that I'll never look like the traditional woman but that's ok, because I have a female heart, and that makes me as much of a woman as I need to be.

You are absolutely right.  A female heart IS what is important.  I always knew this but only now am I learning this as an experience.  Not just as knowledge.

[Joanna Dark]

I'm actually having trouble with the fact no one treats me or thinks of em as a man anymore. I liked being so androgynous, apparently. I tried to use my friend's disability pass to get onto SEPTA and the woman made me take it out and said I couldn't use it unless I could prove I was a man with ID. I told her I was trans and she laughed and said "try again. Use that on me again and I'm calling those police officers over here. So i started crying (very manly, yes?) and begging her not to call the police over and she said fine and I paid the full fare. Hey every dollar counts; my thing isn't going to get rid of itself. This happened a week ago too, but I told the woman I was trans and she was all happy for me. Now, it's like yeah, sure. I think it's my body. But at these septa stand all they see is my face. I'm wearing som makeup but nothing dramatic. Well mascare, but ive been wearing that since forever.

I know this sounds so stupid but it really is a case of getting exactly what you wanted and now I'm like...what do I do? My whole life has been one long, constant state of Dysphoria and there has never been one day that I did not actively think about this since I was about six. When I was six, as I knew society frowned upon this, I conned a friend into dressing up in his sister's clothes. I remember he said, wow you really look like a girl, but I look stupid. [Meaning him. not me] The first dream I remember involved me ripping up a red dress my mom gave me. i was very young when this happened, about four or five, since it was for my fifth Bday. I don't even know if I'm really trans because people have told me my whole ife I look like a girl, act like a girl, and should get a sex change. The get a sex change stuff started in HS and people bring up all kinds of things about Hermaphrodites around me.

But now I'm like I can't believe I'm really a woman now and have to show ID to prove otherwise. I know for girls who are unpassable this most sound horrid, but I feel like I've been thrown in the deep end all of the sudden and women want to be besties with me,  guys are so so nice to me, it's just so different. And my mom, my mom! She even treats me like a girl now and I have to call her and tell her where I am and last night she even gave me dating advice.

So, this month, I want to try and accept my luckiness and thank God for it.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

I accept these things really , I just want dysphoria to end,,,

[alabamagirl]

I'm actually having trouble with the fact no one treats me or thinks of em as a man anymore. I liked being so androgynous, apparently. I tried to use my friend's disability pass to get onto SEPTA and the woman made me take it out and said I couldn't use it unless I could prove I was a man with ID. I told her I was trans and she laughed and said "try again. Use that on me again and I'm calling those police officers over here. So i started crying (very manly, yes?) and begging her not to call the police over and she said fine and I paid the full fare. Hey every dollar counts; my thing isn't going to get rid of itself. This happened a week ago too, but I told the woman I was trans and she was all happy for me. Now, it's like yeah, sure. I think it's my body. But at these septa stand all they see is my face. I'm wearing som makeup but nothing dramatic. Well mascare, but ive been wearing that since forever.

I know this sounds so stupid but it really is a case of getting exactly what you wanted and now I'm like...what do I do? My whole life has been one long, constant state of Dysphoria and there has never been one day that I did not actively think about this since I was about six. When I was six, as I knew society frowned upon this, I conned a friend into dressing up in his sister's clothes. I remember he said, wow you really look like a girl, but I look stupid. [Meaning him. not me] The first dream I remember involved me ripping up a red dress my mom gave me. i was very young when this happened, about four or five, since it was for my fifth Bday. I don't even know if I'm really trans because people have told me my whole ife I look like a girl, act like a girl, and should get a sex change. The get a sex change stuff started in HS and people bring up all kinds of things about Hermaphrodites around me.

But now I'm like I can't believe I'm really a woman now and have to show ID to prove otherwise. I know for girls who are unpassable this most sound horrid, but I feel like I've been thrown in the deep end all of the sudden and women want to be besties with me,  guys are so so nice to me, it's just so different. And my mom, my mom! She even treats me like a girl now and I have to call her and tell her where I am and last night she even gave me dating advice.

So, this month, I want to try and accept my luckiness and thank God for it.

I so can't wait until this happens to me... Well, besides the guys being nice to me. I don't trust men for the most part. I always think there's some ulterior motive behind their kindness. I've already experienced a ton of sleazy come ons from them just identifying as female online. I hope I never, ever have to experience that crap in person.

But I'm looking forward to the rest of it. My mum and I have already become much closer since I came out to her. My mum and I getting along seems like nothing short of a miracle after our long, dysfunctional history and I'm very thankful for that. Whether girls will feel more friendly towards me, I'll probably never know, since I'm becoming more friendly myself the more I transition. So it could just be that.

Never, ever been "mistaken" for a girl offline. I think I might cry from happiness when that finally happens.

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

"I liked being so androgynous, apparently."

So, this month, I want to try and accept my luckiness and thank God for it.

You know, I often wonder if I will feel the same way later on?  hmmmmm interesting.

Either way, lets thank God for the "now".

I accept these things really , I just want dysphoria to end,,,

I agree so much FalsePrincess.  I wish there was a way whether we transition or not that we could just turn off the dysphoria by pressing a button.  I would press it for you and me.

Never, ever been "mistaken" for a girl offline. I think I might cry from happiness when that finally happens.

Well maybe if we were dittos we would have no problems?  Im sorry Im so hooked on pokemon x right now.

We will get there eventually even if we are not Dittos.

[piglet smith]

I fully accept that I'm crazy, a little weird and kind of ugly.   So I'm good.   

[Miss_Bungle1991]

I fully accept that I'm crazy, a little weird and kind of ugly.   So I'm good.   

I would say the same about myself. Although I like to use the phrase " a bit....off" instead. 

[immortal gypsy]

I'm working at getting the my make up to last a 12 hour shift
I'm working at getting the courage time and opportunity to tell my mother before she goes to Queensland
I'm working at accepting the face that looks back at me in the mirror on work days
I'm working at accepting me for me

[fusstangtroy]

I have always felt like giant at 6;3 251 LBS BUT have lost 12 lbs already.Now this might sound strange but the hair on breast got to go first! Don,t mind shaving face if working on other parts first.Started working on voice but i can see that will take awhile .. my wife is good at saying lets hear you work on your girl voice ( i know i am lucky that she with me for life ) . goals on my final out come is like if i am happy /loved by my wife/ if only 65% passable versus cis gal looks i will adjust to it with a smile .(lets be real theres no 100% anything so putting cis goals is just setting yourself  up for failure ).I don,t  have the pressure that some gals do but hey ... 50 yrs old, growing boobs and alive .... aka sara

[alabamagirl]

Hee! Totally off-topic, but I love your new avatar, Lara. I missed the one with the cute bunny ears. You make a cute bull, too.

You'd be such a cute pokemon.

[Shantel]

I am:
-taller than most CIS women
-larger than most CIS women
-working on getting rid of my beard
-working on my voice
-not socialized as a woman

What do you accept about yourself today?

Everything! 

Btw - Tall women rock!  http://www.imdb.com/list/4Su1yZ6vgNc/

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

Everything! 

Btw - Tall women rock!  http://www.imdb.com/list/4Su1yZ6vgNc/

This is why you are my hero Aunty Shan.

Hee! Totally off-topic, but I love your new avatar, Lara. I missed the one with the cute bunny ears. You make a cute bull, too.

You'd be such a cute pokemon.

I have an obsession with being an animal.  Its weird!  As longs as its a female animal.  If its a pokemon it would have to be Sylveon. 

Thanks Pikachu!

I have always felt like giant at 6;3 251 LBS BUT have lost 12 lbs already.Now this might sound strange but the hair on breast got to go first! Don,t mind shaving face if working on other parts first.Started working on voice but i can see that will take awhile .. my wife is good at saying lets hear you work on your girl voice ( i know i am lucky that she with me for life ) . goals on my final out come is like if i am happy /loved by my wife/ if only 65% passable versus cis gal looks i will adjust to it with a smile .(lets be real theres no 100% anything so putting cis goals is just setting yourself  up for failure ).I don,t  have the pressure that some gals do but hey ... 50 yrs old, growing boobs and alive .... aka sara

I love to hear about supportive spouses.  Transitioning is so hard for us but it can be just as hard for spouses.  You are very fortunate!

I'm working at getting the my make up to last a 12 hour shift
I'm working at getting the courage time and opportunity to tell my mother before she goes to Queensland
I'm working at accepting the face that looks back at me in the mirror on work days
I'm working at accepting me for me

For courage become the samurai.  Run into battle with your stomach tightened and scream like a beast!  Run head first and be a wild boar ramming into your prey.  In other words.....you can do it!  Tell you mom!

I fully accept that I'm crazy, a little weird and kind of ugly.   So I'm good.   

I would say the same about myself. Although I like to use the phrase " a bit....off" instead. 

In this crazy world, weird is good.  A bit off is even better.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

In this crazy world, weird is good.  A bit off is even better.

Some people don't get it, though. Especially when it revolves around an interest (or obsession, some would say) in/with anthropomorphic porcupines and squirrels.