What is gender identity?

[megan-l]

Hello everyone!
Question as in the topic. An especially gender-unbright cisgender (by default, at least) person is asking. Even though I get what it is in others, I can't place that thing in me.

If you know that thought experiment with switching bodies - I'd be just surprised. Nothing more. Maybe because it happens to me in some one third or one fourth of my dreams, but I was an alien or other non-human creature a couple of times too, so I don't think it's anything special. It's just a thought experiment, it might not work with great probability, but it is the only thing that I encountered that a non-trans person could use to detect their own gender identity. Do you know any other ways?

[Jessica Merriman]

Gender identity is simply how one sees themselves. I am cis male, but I have always felt female since age 7, so I am transitioning. I feel female in my heart and soul and know that is what I am, female. So, my gender identity is totally female.

[suzifrommd]

I see gender identity as the gender that your brain is wired to expect your body to be.

There is no easy way to detect it. You can live for 50 years and not realize that your gender identity is at odds with your birth sex (I'm a perfect example of that).

The best diagnostic process I know is to try presenting as the gender opposite your birth sex. If you feel more natural than you did before, you might be transgender.

At least that's how I decided for sure.

[sad panda]

I'm trans and I have no idea either. 

[Jill F]

I see gender identity as the gender that your brain is wired to expect your body to be.

There is no easy way to detect it. You can live for 50 years and not realize that your gender identity is at odds with your birth sex (I'm a perfect example of that).

The best diagnostic process I know is to try presenting as the gender opposite your birth sex. If you feel more natural than you did before, you might be transgender.

At least that's how I decided for sure.

I agree with this.   For my entire life I had felt something was really off.   I never wanted to admit to myself that this was actually the case, felt I needed to be seen as "one of the boys" no matter what and that nobody would ever have to know I had these feelings.  I had frequent dreams of having girl parts, wearing girl clothes, etc. since I was a kid.  I avoided the whole crossdressing thing like the plague and felt deep shame about secretly wanting to wear cute skirts, dresses and makeup.  That was a line I didn't ever want to cross because I really feared that can of worms it could possibly open.  I sucked it up and rammed it down hard for decades until I could no longer ignore the screaming, sad, angry and desperate woman in my head that I had spent my life systematically betraying.  The feelings had suddenly got very intense, and I desperately searched the internet for answers.  I was clearly some kind of gender variant, and everything seemed to point to me having a very feminine brain.  The first time I ever shaved off my beard, got dressed and wore full makeup was after Thanksgiving dinner, 2012.  I had never gone all out femme before, but I felt it was time to at least try it on for size to see if it fit.  Part of me wished that I'd just feel ridiculous about it and never need to go there again. 

Nope.  As it turned out, it felt completely awesome, like somewhat of a relief from the anxiety and depression that had now been plaguing me on a daily basis.  I still wasn't ready or willing to apply the transsexual label on myself, so I tried the estrogen test. (testrogen?)  I sort of hoped it wouldn't do a thing for me so that I wouldn't ever have to go there.  Nobody wants to be a transsexual.  I sure as hell didn't.  It turned out that not only did estrogen calm the sh%tstorm in my head, colors got more vivid, my sense of taste was suddenly greatly enhanced, the fog in my brain lifted and I swear my IQ even went up.  It's like parts of my brain that were previously dark were suddenly lit up.  I decided that out of all the drugs I ever did (and believe me, I tried almost all of them), estrogen was by far the greatest thing I ever did.   I went full time a few weeks later.

[megan-l]

Thanks

You get the point, I think, for me too "something is off", but not sure what. Being a transsexual person or a guy isn't it. Cutting my hair isn't too. Changing my body in any other way isn't. I just have the feeling I'm not the same as the stereotypical woman. My brain is a guy brain, except for few things which include sexual orientation. I've taken the tests, thought about it, compared and I think that it's true... Which does not make me male. I do identify as woman, but not fully. Being seen as genderqueer would be great, but I don't like the part with changing physical appearance and pronouns and name. I believe that physical appearance is not important in interpersonal relatioships. I'm also strongly feminist, and I would feel guilty for escaping instead of improving the female gender role. But on the other hand it seems to be unnecassary fuss as long as everything seems to be quite fine.

For now, I just annoy my friends with "lectures" that looks of a woman do not constitute anything about her and that homo- and bisexual people are okay (even though I'm straight, at least biologically). And that women can udertake challenging tasks, that they are able to. And that ignoring adultery just beacause "women are more tolerat" is silly and no person, of any gender should agree for the promises to be broken, because dating/marriage is an agreement of two people that they will help each other and keep their sexual and romantic actions for each other, unless they agree to have an open relationship and both are fine with it. And I quietly adore the idea of reducing gender roles to a negligable level, because, in the end, gender is just another stupid box like race, sexuality or political views. And often covers the charcter of the person underneath - which is the most important! Connecting interior of a person with their looks is really stupid! But 90% of people still do it...

Wow, I've just come to the point where I want to write "I feel genderqueer". Writing helps. Really.
I feel that way and do not need my looks to justify it in any way. It's just stupid that others need it.

[JLT1]

I agree with this.   For my entire life I had felt something was really off.   I never wanted to admit to myself that this was actually the case, felt I needed to be seen as "one of the boys" no matter what and that nobody would ever have to know I had these feelings.  I had frequent dreams of having girl parts, wearing girl clothes, etc. since I was a kid.  I avoided the whole crossdressing thing like the plague and felt deep shame about secretly wanting to wear cute skirts, dresses and makeup.  That was a line I didn't ever want to cross because I really feared that can of worms it could possibly open.  I sucked it up and rammed it down hard for decades until I could no longer ignore the screaming, sad, angry and desperate woman in my head that I had spent my life systematically betraying.  The feelings had suddenly got very intense, and I desperately searched the internet for answers.  I was clearly some kind of gender variant, and everything seemed to point to me having a very feminine brain.  The first time I ever shaved off my beard, got dressed and wore full makeup was after Thanksgiving dinner, 2012.  I had never gone all out femme before, but I felt it was time to at least try it on for size to see if it fit.  Part of me wished that I'd just feel ridiculous about it and never need to go there again. 

Nope.  As it turned out, it felt completely awesome, like somewhat of a relief from the anxiety and depression that had now been plaguing me on a daily basis.  I still wasn't ready or willing to apply the transsexual label on myself, so I tried the estrogen test. (testrogen?)  I sort of hoped it wouldn't do a thing for me so that I wouldn't ever have to go there.  Nobody wants to be a transsexual.  I sure as hell didn't.  It turned out that not only did estrogen calm the sh%tstorm in my head, colors got more vivid, my sense of taste was suddenly greatly enhanced, the fog in my brain lifted and I swear my IQ even went up.  It's like parts of my brain that were previously dark were suddenly lit up.  I decided that out of all the drugs I ever did (and believe me, I tried almost all of them), estrogen was by far the greatest thing I ever did.   I went full time a few weeks later.

This^^^^

Estrogen is wonderful.  When in girl mode, brain works and is calm: life is good.

Those with male gender ID, hate estrogen and its effects.

Simple test.

Hugs,

Jen

[Northern Jane]

I identified as female from infancy onward without really knowing what the difference was (until later). All my early friends were girls, I played with the girls and wanted nothing to do with boys (until puberty LOL!) and if someone referred to me with male pronouns, I would correct them. I was so firm in my "gender identity" it took until age 8 for the adult world to even cause me to question who/what I was. As I became aware of  the physical differences, the "unwelcome bits" were in great danger (self-mutilation) because my body was WRONG!. By my teens I was living at least part time in the female gender and it was always just natural and "right". As Dr. Benjamin said in his book, "a complete psycho/sexual inversion".