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Oh crap...

Started by LivingTheDream, April 02, 2014, 06:05:41 PM

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LivingTheDream

A few weeks ago my therapist gave me a flyer about a support group that meets nearby. I had been debating about whether or not to go for a bit b/c quite frankly, it scares me lol. I'm not very social, uncomfortable around people, especially those idk, and well I'm sure I can talk about this with others (have very few problems one on one with therapist), I'ma be sweating bullets at first. I decided to find out more info bout it so today I called em and talked to them a bit because I decided I was gonna go try it. So I got it out and called it and talked a bit with them. So a little while ago, I was sitting on my computer, wasting time playing vid games, and my sister in law (whos a complete b and I hate) comes in and asks me what's this. I look and I'm like oh $*()#*%#()#@*$(. Guess I left it out cuz she had the flyer....  I looked for a sec and said idk and went back to my game. But... we all know this not gonna work  ::) . She knows is not hers and not my brother's so eventually prolly gonna say something else bout it, prolly telling him right now actually....So ya, now sorta freaking out  :( . I not out at all cuz still trying figure stuff out myself in therapy, that's reason I was planning on going to this group really. I'm hoping its over and forgotten bout already but I doubt that, so if/when one of them says something, what should i do/say, I'm trying to prepare myself for that possibility beforehand.
  •  

alabamagirl

Simply say someone you passed on the street was handing them out and gave you one. People do that all the time. It's a perfectly reasonable excuse. Then if she asks why you didn't say that in the first place, tell her you were distracted by your game and wasn't really paying attention.
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Jessica Merriman

Or on the door or mailbox, but then again you are going to have to come out sometime. :-\
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LivingTheDream

Quote from: Pikachu on April 02, 2014, 06:10:50 PM
Simply say someone you passed on the street was handing them out and gave you one. People do that all the time. It's a perfectly reasonable excuse. Then if she asks why you didn't say that in the first place, tell her you were distracted by your game and wasn't really paying attention.

Well she knows somethings, like I told I'm seeing a therapist, but when she asked why I didn't tell her, and that the therapist was in the same city as this group meeting is. They prob think I'm gay cuz never really been in any relationship but I'm afraid if they start adding stuff together, might figure things out...

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 02, 2014, 06:12:09 PM
Or on the door or mailbox, but then again you are going to have to come out sometime. :-\

Ya, guess thats a plus, maybe won't be such a shock but still.. I'm really hoping they don't mention it later on. Also, I'm afraid that if I said something like someone handed me it or was on the door, idk seems to me that looks kinda guilty, like going out of my way to explain something? Idk if playing it "dumb" is the best way either, but that's prolly what I usually do (and already sorta did lol). What happens if they actually try to sit me down and talk about it, should I say something then or wait till I figure things out myself first (was plannin on waiting till figured things out AND until it was pretty obvious what was going on, if you know what I mean)
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Kara Jayde

Unless your sister enjoys being a detective, I'm sure she'll just let it go and forget about it pretty quickly, but if she does bring it up again so 'Oh that, some guy was handing them out in the city, I thought it was a 2 for 1 chicken place' and shrug, laugh and move on. Being confident in your reply will make it disappear, even if the story doesn't sound legit.

Later down the line when you do come out, she might remember and then say OHHH THAT FLYER! And then you can give her a cheeky smile :P


  •  

alabamagirl

It's hard to say what would be best in your situation... I can imagine that if I was still in the early stages of figuring out my gender identity, I probably would not want to talk about it with people who probably wouldn't be supportive (I'm getting the impression you think your sis-in-law wouldn't be, judging by the way you described her). The process is different for everyone, so if you feel it would be best to just come out and tell them, go for it. If you feel you need more time, there's nothing wrong with that. Only you can know when you're ready.

And you don't need to go out of your way with the flyer explanation. I was just giving you a simple, reasonable response if she asks about it again. Actually, if they already know you're going somewhere for therapy, that makes it all the more plausible that you could have been given a flyer, IMO.
  •  

Rachel

If you are not ready, you are not ready.

I like the therapist handed me a flyer or a guy on the street while going to or after the therapist.

I wonder if the SIL will be an ally?
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  •  

immortal gypsy

As long as your sister doesn't push you for an answer ignore it pretend it didn't happen.  However we all have to come out some time or another, so ask yourself how comfortable are you right now in coming out to someone. How would your sister react if you told her. Can she keep this to herself till your ready.
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
  •  

Sincerely Tegan

If there's a number on the flier, say its your therapist's number, and that he ran out of cards. That's just a flier from one of the many support groups he runs.

Do not feel pressured to come out to anyone while you're still working this out. Hopefully, your in-law's not a troublemaker. I mean, it's fine, really, if she suspects something. What wouldn't be fine would be if she felt the need to invade your privacy or even out you. If she is that kind of person, get a good lie ready right now, one that'll get her off your back, because you don't need this crap right now.

Yes, if you truly are trans, then you'll need to come out to certain individuals eventually, but if this is not the time, then don't let the b force you into it.

Good luck.

-Teg
"You get what anyone gets. You get a lifetime."
-Death, Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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  •  

Missy~rmdlm

I'm not sure I understand the problem. Disclosure it part of the routine, though it certainly could be better handled.
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stephaniec

I'm kind of having a hard time understanding why your sister in law is approaching you about that anyway. Unless it was just out of pure curiosity why a pamphlet like that was inside the house, in which case you could of found it on the side walk and was looking at it and forgot to toss it in the garbage .
  •  

LivingTheDream

Well, me and my sister in law, I'd say, really don't like each other. I think its more like we sometimes put up with each other for my brother's sake and that's all. I was actually talking bout this on monday at therapy. I definitely try to avoid her as much as I can so now I am like a hermit in my house. I am in either my bedroom or computer room 90-95% of the time I am home. Me and my brother used to do a lot together but rarely do we nowadays because he's always with her and I don't wanna be around her. If he were to come up to me and try to talk about this, idk I might tell him, but really don't wanna talk to HER bout it. Idt he would come and try to talk with me though, we never did that as a family so neither of us is really comfortable doing it. The most we would say might be how was your day or something, my parents, my brother and I always were pretty private and never talked about personal issues. I'm still that way, I never let anybody close to me or know personal things bout me really, so ya, talking about this would be extremely weird for both of us (and not just because of the topic). Idt he would cut off ties with me but who knows, he could. We are moving out at the end of the month anyways so prolly wont see each other much after that. I don't really wanna say nothing atm since I'm still so confused about it, could tell him and lose him only to learn like a month later that I don't need or want to transition anymore, or tell him one thing then have to backtrack if things change.
  •  

peky

I would say: "oh, I picked up for you,"

to which she will probably say: "why me,"

to which I would say: "well, you are such a dick all the time, I figure you may need help figuring out you are a boy or not!"

Then just lough out loud ....

yeah, I know I am evil  >:-)
  •  

Kara Jayde

Quote from: peky on April 02, 2014, 08:57:41 PM
I would say: "oh, I picked up for you,"

to which she will probably say: "why me,"

to which I would say: "well, you are such a dick all the time, I figure you may need help figuring out you are a boy or not!"

Then just lough out loud ....

yeah, I know I am evil  >:-)

Haha, this! ^^ Exactly how you should deal with it.  :D


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LivingTheDream

lol that would be funny. oh btw, now that flyer is mia...thought i hid in my room but can't find. *resumes freakout*

EDIT: nevermind, found it...
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Sincerely Tegan

Quote from: LivingTheDream on April 02, 2014, 10:45:37 PM
lol that would be funny. oh btw, now that flyer is mia...thought i hid in my room but can't find. *resumes freakout*

EDIT: nevermind, found it...

LOL! Glad you found it.

-Teg
"You get what anyone gets. You get a lifetime."
-Death, Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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  •  

alabamagirl

Fold it up and put it in your wallet/purse. That way you won't lose it and no one else will find it.
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LivingTheDream

I was totally panicking last night. Sis-in-law and brother came home and I didn't know what i did with it. Went digging thru garbage to see if I threw out, checked all my hiding spots in my rooms a bunch, then for some reason, thought to look under mattress and yay  it was there. I was gonna go snoop in their bedroom the next morning if I didn't find it last night.
  •  

alabamagirl

Then it'd definitely look suspicious if they had had it in their bedroom and you stole it back, lol.

Relax, sweetie. If no one's brought it up again by now, I doubt they're going to.
  •  

Sincerely Tegan

Do you have a car? If so, are you the only one with access to it? If so, get a bag (duffle, or whatever) and keep all your sensitive materials there. Trust me-I'm still questioning like yourself. I don't even keep my spare car key in the house anymore. Literally, nobody has access to my books and information but me. If you're still questioning, the last thing you need is pressure from others to rush this process. Take the time and precautions to allow you to embark on this journey of self-discovery at your own pace. At this time, other people don't matter, so it's good to take precautions to prevent them from interfering.

I'm just trying to look out, friend.

Sincerely,
Tegan
"You get what anyone gets. You get a lifetime."
-Death, Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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