GF family not liking me cause I'm Trans

[Ryan55]

Discrimination sucks. Wasn't sure where to put this, but I think this topic matches. My gf's family doesn't like me much because I'm trans, although its funny cause before they knew I was missing a penis, they loved me. Soon as they find out, its hell breaks loose. Although her uncles like me but they are gay, so same lbgqt community thing. Anyway, anytime I'm around them I can feel the tension, they try to use right pronouns, but occasionally I get the he, she, it thing. Her older brother seems to dislike me the most, refuses to say he and uses she and then it got bad and turned into a huge fight where she was telling him hes dead to her and hes telling me i'm a f'in idiot. Anyway I guess I feel bad, cause I feel like its my fault she is losing her family because I'm trans. I don't want to leave, but I don't want her losing family because of me. Its hard cause not only am I getting my own family to understand and accept it, hers seems to just not want to understand or accept it. I know its not my fault that her brother is leaving her life, but I don't want someone to lose family over me cause of a trans thing. Not really sure where I was going with this, guess I just needed to vent, cause I just feel like crap, like being trans is a poison right now to someone I love. She says she is fine and she doesn't care, but still just doesn't feel right.

[Jessica Merriman]

Just remember, if people choose to leave it is their choice. Please don't blame yourself ever for that. You are only being you and living your life if others cant accept that it is on them.

[Ryan55]

thanks jessica

[HumanBeing]

Sorry that's happening to you man. Must suck big time. It's great that she sticks up for you though. Some of her family isn't cool with it, but maybe they will come back round at some point when they realise that you make her really happy. I know you feel upset especially because it is happening 'because of you' so to speak.

I'm awful at expressing myself so forgive me..but even if you were 'average' her family could still be like that towards you...you know? Like..they might not like your personality/fashion sense etc. So don't feel that you being trans is an issue...people will always have opinions and their views on their family members' other half.

You two are in love and she is supporting you. I know it's hard but just be content with yourself; your relationship. Maybe be part of the family but not too much if that makes sense? Don't go to the other extreme and never see them because you're not the issue!

Hope that helped! It all made sense in my head...but my emotions are awful when I type XD

[Ryan55]

lol yeah that did help, thanks bro

[HumanBeing]

Glad it made sense and helped you! No worries man. 

[suzifrommd]

Unfortunately this sort of thing is felt by a lot of people, not just trans. The guy is the wrong color, wrong religion, not rich/smart/classy enough for their precious daughter.

It's what you and her build together that matters, right? Neither of you can control her family. They're big boys and girls and make their own choices. If they reject either of you, it's their loss.

Just take whatever opportunity you can to educate them to things like transgender is not something you chose, transition is the only effective treatment, etc. They may come around.

[JessicaElle]

That's TERRIBLE. i never could understand why families of significant others would care...they are not sleeping with you, why should it matter? absolutely ridiculous.
Anyways, this makes me scared to ever meet my boyfriends family...although i think i'll just not tell them haha.

[Ryan55]

don't let this discourage you, i'm sure not everyone will react this way

[Ms Grace]

So they were using the right pronouns before they found out you were trans*? They were generally fine with you? That's pretty poor behaviour on their part. But I agree with Suzi, this is sadly a common occur acne the world over - race, religion, motorcycle gang, you name it. The important thing is that you love your girlfriend. Maybe spend a bit less time with her family until they sort themselves out?

[Jessica Merriman]

Anyway I guess I feel bad, cause I feel like its my fault she is losing her family because I'm trans.

She says she is fine and she doesn't care, but still just doesn't feel right.

First sweetie it is not your fault at all. THEY are losing her because it is their choice too. There could have been reasons that existed before you met her which caused tension and this is just their excuse.

If she is fine with you and it sounds like she is, just enjoy your life with her. Sounds like you have a very accepting keeper there!

[Jaden]

Same happend to me and my exgf didn`t stay. She love her family more then anything else in the world, she said it to me.
Before they have love me to and if they have figure out I don`t have a dick they don`t have talk to me anymore. Only my exgf`s mom have talk to me and accept it.
The first year if I was with my exgf together it was amazing, there was never a fight and the second time it have start. We just have fight a lot and all broke after almost one year. They have tell her story`s like she would be obsessed what wasn`t true. She was in love with me and we wanted build up our life but they have done like she only have to be there for the family. She have start to stay more and more away from me and the fight between her and me went bigger and bigger.
If they have figure out what I am they have warn me and cursing me. I told it her and she have say I would lie and I never did lie to her because she was my world.
I have start to flirt arround and wanted show all that I am a real man (it was a big error).
Her family have say to her that they would have nothing against transgender but I am sure they do. I guess I was the only one they have warn me that they want kill me if I come close to her and wished me the death. Also her dad have told her that german peoples are pervert and before I had one time a talk with him and he have adore german peoples. Her family have put her down that she would be a lesbian lol but they have nothing against transgenders - lol just odd. My exgf told me I would manipulate her.. yeah with my kisses only lol wtf. I have hear her family saying I would want keep her away from her family what wasn`t true either. She had some problems with them and I was helping her with it and at the same time I have say that she have to learn to understand the background and I never manipulated her to stay away or something like that.
I have notice that they have use everything what I have say to her and twisted it in bad. I never saw such behavior in my life. The stuff I have say to her wasn`t even evil. She wanted be together with me and have spend time with me a lot and they just don`t have like it and have make up story`s, so I guess but I don`t know!!
I started to become very hurtful to my exgf coz she did hurt me to and she have start to treat me bad.
My exgf have never talk to me or have ask question why I was doing the things I do. She never told me not once when she was hurt. This have make the situation more hard.
She told me that they have talk bad abbout me, it`s wierd because I never have talk to them much and not about me. My english wasn`t at this time good that`s why I was not much talking to them. English isn`t my native language, sorry if I do some errors guys!!
It was before 5 years ago and since this time we try all half year to talk but it never worked, I don`t know really why, because she don`t talk lol!!
She say things about me what I would think, feel and who I would be what I am for sure not. If I told it my family ex`s and my friends they have say all I am for sure not like that and they couldn`t understand it why she say such things to me. Not one exgf have leave me before, so I think I am doing fine. I told it peoples I met and they say I am in no way like that. I do and have make lotz of friends. The most say she is mental or something and an other friend have check her stuff and have seen that she have basicly relashionship problems. I never had relashionship problems, I am cool with everyone and still she put all on me and that I would suck and so on and so on..
This happend to me one time, before all my other ex`s and family`s was fine with it (me). My ex just pop up had 2 times a 5 minute talk, judgment me and went away... so odd. She never say a reason just say bad words and leave. Sometimes she have say I am to good for her or am a great guy and stuff like that and that would be the reason why she leave. I don`t know what is really going on and while I didn`t know it was so hard to move on, it makes it much harder. Still I ask me what really happend and why and wish me that one time she would say me the truth but she never will I guess and if she will tell me each time an other story. I never meet such person in my life and I really don`t understand her behavior.
She talked to me the last time for few minutes and have say I am wrong for her.. I don`t know what she talk about. I guess because I am transgender, shrugs I don`t know.
I struggle still under it... I really have love her tho!!
My Fazit at the end is, that she don`t want be with me because her family have done so much stress to her coz I am transgender. I guess that is the reason why I am wrong for her -shrugs-
Oh and she went now to god for help and now it is absolutly inposible to talk to her. She say it is god`s will, it is faith and she leave all her problems on god and hope it become better. She say it is faith and don`t even talk to me. Before she don`t have talk to me and now it`s more worse... it suck!!
You really had lotz of luck with your girl, my girl didn`t stay what I understand somehow coz I would feel bad to if she would break up with her family. Before she lose her family she should really stay away. I am sure they are against transgender!!
I wish you all the best man!!
ps.: sorry for my bad english, isn`t my native language and I work on it!!

[Kova V]

Jaden, I can see how that is frustrating. I'm guessing she was from a religious family. If its one thing that America has, it's an unhealthy amount of religious fanaticism in certain places. There are some small towns in the US that teach the bible's version of how the world was made in lue of the scientific version - this is so dangerous, the world was not made in 7 days. There are also many stories told by gay men taken to be "cured" by God and the church, only for them to come out again and say that it was guilt and humiliation that put them back in the closet and they were still gay. This type of imposed guilt is a form of bullying, some people fight it, some accept and take it and some end their lives.

A family is a powerful influence, especially if they've supported her through out her whole life. She might still love you but she feels bad to admit it. If this was a movie, this is where you tell her you love her and you'll always love her, even if you can't be together. I know that would make me feel better, and it's kind of hot. 

I hope this makes you feel better.

[Jaden]

Thank you Kova V,

this really help and make me understand better!!

Yes it is like in the movie "The Lover" (great one btw but with a sad ending).
She have a little bit more weight what I really like. She have big ice-blue eyes and blond hair..... she look like an angel and she have my heart!!

I have think me that with this religouse stuff but wasn`t sure. I left my religion longer ago because I saw the ignorance in it and how many peoples it hurts, get killed and some become seriously ill from it. I have try to talk to her sister few times but she just have ignore me. No word nothing she wrote back!!
Her sister is like a mom for her...

I would love to come over and help out for all kinda peoples who needs help because of that. Would build stations where they can find a place to stay till they have gain power back. A place where they feel good for who they are and get accepted completely. I have watch and read a lot about gay`s and transgenders in this land. There are really amazing peoples. I have luck in my land, but I am anyway one who put the world in one land lol.. for me everyone is the same, a human beeing!!