{TRIGGERS} Being a woman...

[Nero]

what does it mean to you? A difficult concept maybe. Many trans women are without the trappings that usually define 'woman', so what does it mean to you? Being female. In scientific terms this implies the ability to give birth, but is obviously more than that. What is the essence of woman - her beauty, her breasts, her genitals? I had all these and was not a woman, however much I tried to be. So, what is it?

[Tori]

It is the transition from repression to self-acceptance. For some, beauty, breasts and genitalia may play a part in that. For some, hormones might. For some it is just a mindset.

I do not know what it is like to be female in a cis sense, so I do not know if any vital things are truly missing. I am as female as I feel at any given time. Sometimes I feel like I am floating across the floor and sometimes I feel like a quarterback in a dress. For me it is an ongoing process.

[missy1992]

It just is. It comes from within. My dysphoria lies not with my gender, but with my birth sex (Gender, IMO, is BS).
For me, being a woman is but a state of mind

[CaitlinH]

This is a pretty philosophical question I think, as is its reciprocal, so I suspect a lot of people have differing views.

My personal view is that a woman is simply someone who views themselves as female, regardless of what their body looks like, or their genitals, or their attractiveness. It doesn't matter if they're masculine or feminine, gay/straight or bi/pan/asexual, or whether they fit into or out of stereotyped gender roles. The ability to give birth doesn't define a woman, for example in the case of Thomas Beatie who gave birth as a trans man. At the same time around 10% of cis women in the United States are infertile, yet most would consider them to be women still.

[Rainbow Brite]

I could ask you, FA, the same thing about being a man? I had all those social trappings, the body, the life, etc.
This is who I am. I am more me, now, after transition than I ever was before. I have known for many years what I should be.

[stephaniec]

The way I picture my womanhood is an evolution from within . I was born a certain way. I have not the slightest idea of what a genetically born woman's thought process is. I've experienced females all my life. All I know is that I have never socially fit into the male world. I was the outsider at every moment throughout my life. No mater what I tried to do in the male world I knew I didn't fit. My brain was definitely not male material. I always envisioned my self as belonging as the other gender. In dating and relationships I couldn't be that male persona that was expected. I dated a lot but always failed to be perceived by my partner as their idea of manhood. My view of belonging to the female gender basically comes from the point of view of what I'm not. My dreams have evolved to becoming that woman I am. I started out as a child dreaming of having a vagina to the present of living as the proper gender. It's a difficult question , but really all I know for sure I don't fit in as male and never will. I've learned through school and work that my brain doesn't view it self as male. I've dreamt of being on estrogen since high school. Now that I'm finally on estrogen it is what I've always dreamt it would be. It's an incredible feeling to feel your body change into that which you've always thought it should be. For me just the sensation of estrogen in my body is an unbelievable affirmation of who I've always been inside and now finally outside.

[Nero]

I could ask you, FA, the same thing about being a man? I had all those social trappings, the body, the life, etc.

Touche. But in an odd way, being a woman has more of a social and cultural meaning to it than being a man. Being male is the default as being white is the default in Western society. In this way, being a woman has added significance than just gender.

[Rainbow Brite]

In what way?

Being a man was less work in some ways. Society doesnt really expect a guy to look pretty. And you can be a slob and not be judged, lol. But trying to be a guy when you aren't one is tough.

[Nero]

In what way?

Being a man was less work in some ways. Society doesnt really expect a guy to look pretty. And you can be a slob and not be judged, lol. But trying to be a guy when you aren't one is tough.

Oh, I understand.

[Kara Jayde]

In what way?

Being a man was less work in some ways. Society doesnt really expect a guy to look pretty. And you can be a slob and not be judged, lol. But trying to be a guy when you aren't one is tough.

Ugh, trying to be a guy would physically drain me so much. To pretend to be masculine all the time, gestures, intonation, strut, et cetera. You don't need to look pretty, sure, but you need to be 'a man', and there's a lot that goes with that. The constant power struggles and dominance plays in social groups, amogst friends, or vying for female attention. The worst was going out and trying to sell yourself to the 'opposite gender' and feeling like a fraud, ughh. I'm so glad that chapter is closing.

[Nero]

In what way?

Being a man was less work in some ways. Society doesnt really expect a guy to look pretty. And you can be a slob and not be judged, lol. But trying to be a guy when you aren't one is tough.

Ugh, trying to be a guy would physically drain me so much. To pretend to be masculine all the time, gestures, intonation, strut, et cetera. You don't need to look pretty, sure, but you need to be 'a man', and there's a lot that goes with that. The constant power struggles and dominance plays in social groups, amogst friends, or vying for female attention. The worst was going out and trying to sell yourself to the 'opposite gender' and feeling like a fraud, ughh. I'm so glad that chapter is closing.

I definitely identify with that as a guy. And it sucks. But at least it's mostly behavior based. As a girl, it's all about winning the genetic lottery. You either look good or you don't. And even if you do, it doesn't last. A guy at least, has the option, however difficult, of changing his behavior. And he's got time on his side to prove himself. For a girl - it's much more limited. If she didn't win the genetic lottery, she's out. For good. No amount of behavior will save her. And even if she did win, her time is very limited. A man has all the time in the world.

[Rainbow Brite]

But, being a girl can be tough too. Do you know how many Facebook PM's and friend requests I've had from guys who want to "Get to know me" better? dealing with tacky lines and guys with absolutely no class who just want to make out like rabbits is tiring and annoying.
sending me pictures of what is probably not your penis is NOT going to endear me to you.

For the first time ever, this week I was practically ignored when I suggested using a vernier caliper to check that a part was machined correctly and to spec, all because women are not seen as equal to a man.
I have an Engineering degree among some of my other qualifications, so I am not a total idiot. So there's one of the challenges of being a woman.

^_^

[Marina mtf]

Being a woman at least in the "collective subconscious" is referring to a human being which "gets", "receives".

The body of the woman physically receives the man, this "hollow" has other implications like receptive,
acceptance, expansion, and also some "negative" downsides: exploitation (an angry woman during divorce...),
backstabbing (because she is not "direct").

A woman is a modality of being, you can be masculine so you develop the "hero" archetype, the soldier, the
bread winner, the competition, the brotherhood of men.

But you cannot fake those internal modalities. If your mind is "yin" you are a woman, period, even if your body
is not congruent. The hardest part is to know really if you are living at your highest potential or not.

[FrancisAnn]

Going in for electrolysis & your lady starts crying, telling you everything. She's married for 7 years but no sex from her husband for 5 years. So she is lonely & sleeps with a hunk of a man that says he's divorced. Later she finds out he's married. The wife finds out & is kind of stalking her & she's scarred about what the wife may do. But she still wants & needs the man, he satisfied her so much & she so needs more sex with him.

And I fully knew how she felt. One married man I dated years ago was such a hunk of a man, all man. I melted in his arms & so loved to be with him to make him satisfied & happy in any way I could. I wanted him all to myself however it was not meant to be.

[Kara Jayde]

I definitely identify with that as a guy. And it sucks. But at least it's mostly behavior based. As a girl, it's all about winning the genetic lottery. You either look good or you don't. And even if you do, it doesn't last. A guy at least, has the option, however difficult, of changing his behavior. And he's got time on his side to prove himself. For a girl - it's much more limited. If she didn't win the genetic lottery, she's out. For good. No amount of behavior will save her. And even if she did win, her time is very limited. A man has all the time in the world.

You're right, it is all behaviour based, and you can always modify your behaviour. I spent most of my life thinking that the masculinity act was silly, and as a result I was the sensitive, often overlooked guy. Toward the end, I started really going 'all out' in my masculinity, and it took A LOT of energy, but I became alpha male in most of my social groups, and women started magnetizing to me like crazy. But it wasn't me. I felt so hollow, so lonely, because the more people got to know this 'masculine' facade (and it was the only facade women ever wanted to know) the more alone I was. Eventually it became too much.

Although biologically, femininity is about winning the genetic lottery (at least if you want to fulfill your directive and have children, and be happily married and provided for) I also think women can institute real change in society and become very powerful creators. Men seem to do EVERYTHING to increase their reproductive appeal, whether its intellectualism, academic pursuits, etc. It all comes down to wanting to be greater than other men subsciously, at least that's how it seems to me. Personally, I've always just wanted to create for the sake of creation, and that (I think) is a very feminine attitude.

[Joanna Dark]

IDK. But I'm pretty sure I'm in girl world. All the sudden all these pretty girls want to be my friend. I've had a lot of female friends in my 31 years but pretty women just walk up to me on the street and start asking me about my jacket my clothes and all kinda of tother stuff and then ask for my number so we could hang out and pick up guys. I mean it's great and all and exactly what i wanted but then I feel like I'm in the deep end with no paddle. Plus, some people are scared of balck guys and cross the street, some just scary men, but I see a gaggle of well dressed women and I will run into traffic to avoid them. I thought it was just me being a freaking weirdo but then I saw an interview with Clair Danes and she felt the same exact way. Add guys to the mix and I get even more scared, unless im with my ex because the last time we were walking around on a Friday he told me if anyone so much as looks at me wrong he'll ->-bleeped-<- them up. And for someone who has been beat up a lot that really means alot.

Uh, but, all I know is I identify with all female characters and roles in a way I didn't before or in a way that feels less fradulant. Though, i still feel like a fraud sometimes. All this talk about the genentic lottery kinda makes me rethink my decision cause maybe I could be a man. But then again what women would date a 5'5 118 lb person with my curvy ass measurements.

I guess being female is a way of thinking more than anything else. It's a way of viewing the world and how you react to it and what you think your place in it is. All I know is that my view of it has always been considered female. And I guess it's reactions and not thought out ones, but just reactions to situations. I pretty much think the same thing goes for being a man.

[Cindy]

I'm not sure if I have an answer, I'm not sure there is one.
I was watching a movie last night with my BF, Hugh Grant in Love Actually ( yes I made him put on a chick flick ) at the end of it, which we both enjoyed. I made the comment that I could not get into the male characters heads and had no empathy for them, although I understood their predicaments.

His response was, 'Well that's because you are a woman'. So maybe 'What is being a woman?' should be asked of guys and not girls? But beware the sexist replies!!!!

[MadeleineG]

"X is a woman" isn't an binary attribution, but a construct of convergent attributions.

To me, a woman is a person who both:

self-identifies as a woman with moderate intensity and consistency

consciously presents female (in the broadest sense) with moderate intensity and consistency

[FalseHybridPrincess]

If you feel like a woman you are one , no matter what you look like...

[Cindy]

I agree with the many posters above - it is mostly a mind set, ability to look at and feel things in a more natural way, to relate to other people in a certain way without doing constant internal self-censoring "No, You cant do this and that, because You are not supposed to". Emotional freedom and ability to feel and express emotions as well, but those most probably are just different aspects of that state of mind.

I kinda get what You meant, though I have to admit that those parts with Peter and Juliet (first in his flat when she find the tape and starts watching and he runs away) and then the scene with "carol singers" made me feel for the poor guy. The rest of the movie... dont work for me that well.

Ye I felt for him, and for the Liam Neilson (?) character but I couldn't understand them. But I did the women. As for Hugh Grant I've never understood his characters or felt for them.

Sorry for the off topic reply.