I've lurked here for a few weeks after stumbling on the site, and it's so far a very comforting place to be.
I still have a lot of questions for myself, and I suppose I will for quite a while. But I do know I'm not a standard sort of girl, not even a standard sort of butchy lesbian. Some things really slapped me in the face in the past couple of weeks.
In my first "real" job I wore a uniform, a unisex uniform actually. Think law enforcement BDU's...and a baseball cap...for 10 years. That was wonderful. Then my next job (current job of 6 years) I was able to wear jeans, button downs or polo shirt, and again a baseball cap. Then the last Wednesday of March of 2014.....my tiny department is informed that we are moving from an outlying building and into the big Corporate HQ. And that means "business casual".
I haven't worn "typical" female clothing since the day I walked out of the Sorority I joined and never looked back (college life).
In one way this is a good thing....I get an excuse or reason to wear nice button down/vests/wingtips and other fun men's shoes....but I also have this annoying female upper body. I'll be dammed if I'm going to get stuck in skirts or even blouses. After a consult with the really cool VP who is over my department, I was relieved to find out that khaki pants/button down are fine, just tuck the shirt in and lose the baseball cap. But for a few days before that conversation.....I found myself in modes of panic and extreme anxiety about being able to keep the job I enjoy due to a "business casual" dress code that ruled out pretty much everything I had been comfortable wearing for the past 6 years.
I also had the relaxation of having my old office near a rarely used restroom....which meant when I went in I wasn't encountering other people. But in the new building.....I am finding myself feeling anxious about having to go because these very feminine women might be in there fixing their makeup and hair and such.....and I don't quite fit.
So from the very early steps of sorting out what I want and need to really be ME (now that I feel like a ton of bricks has hit me and each one has multiple question marks on it), hello.
And thank you for the stories and information you all have shared. It's helping so far.
-Rebel
