Hello everyone :-)
I have been reading these forum's for the past few months and I think it is time to introduce myself. First, I want to express that I have been touched by so many members posts here. As I read different discussions I hear myself say very often, yes, yes and yes I am like that, hehe. For you that have shared your life here or given your opinion, you have been a tremendous help in my own personal reflection, introspection, and growth. So thank you, you make a difference.
I am a 49yo MTF living in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. A few months ago, I finally had the courage to give myself permission to accept that I am special, that I am different from most others in that my inner soul does not match what the world sees in my outer body. A few times in my life intuitive people have recognized the real me. I realize they see, and I believe that has helped a great deal in surviving to now. I know you understand more than anyone the pain and the effect of living with gender dysphoria has had in our lives and it helps me to know that though rare, I am not alone.
I would like to briefly share my experience of personal acceptance as that has been my main focus recently.
My gender identity has been a tremendous struggle throughout life, but with my own acceptance now I don't have to live in denial of self or restrict myself to a secret, shadow life. Acceptance is so freeing, it creates such a feeling of joy, it is a burden lifted. Our self's need to survive is amazingly powerful, we are stronger than we may have thought, probably because of our struggle. I imagine that door (acceptance) is one of the common bonds all of us here share. I can't answer why now, maybe it is through maturity or because I feel safe/secure, or just that I am ready. I have finally given myself the green light to the possibility of fulfillment. It is completely selfish, a thing that matters distinctly to me. I feel compelled to stand up for the inner me or die in some way, in my heart of hearts ...so here I am. I desire to shine.
I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman for the past 3 years, someone whom I live with. I am very lucky as she is very supportive and we are going through this journey together as partners. When she looks at me, feels my energy, she sees Valerie and tells me she is awed by it.
I have been married twice before (10 years each) and have two grown children, a daughter 23 and son, 19. My previous wives have no idea that my gender identity struggle played an important role in why the relationships didn't make it, that I could not fulfill the male/husband role they expected or needed of me.
I work in a large fortune 100 corporation at their corporate headquarters. It will be a great challenge to transition there, as I have worked there for 6 years and they know me as a male. It causes me alot of stress to know I have that door to pass thru, but it is important to establish my job history for my future resume before I move on.
I already have a gender therapist I am happy with and have two more months before I will start HRT. I am very excited to begin and am very curious how my body will react to it. I am following the SOC and would like to have surgery next summer. In the meantime, I am looking to get started with electrolysis. I am blonde and have a mix of red/brown/blonde beard hair. It sounds like laser wouldnt work for me, from what I have read.
Well, I have rambled enough. i am looking forward to sharing my journey with you and participating in many of the discussions.
With warmest regards and respect,
ValerieJ
p.s. One question I have... is it better to add a post to an old topic that is a few months old or to begin a new one?
