I just sent my best friend an email

[Bombadil]

So, my best friend lives about 1,000 miles away. We've been friends for 20+ years. And she's more than just a friend. She's become my family. I'm "auntie chris" to her daughter. I spend every thanksgiving with her. my own family and I have no contact because they aren't healthy. She's also... a bit narrow minded. I don't know if that's the right word, but I don't know what is. So, I just sent her this email. I kind of feel like I might puke

Ok, I am going to totally you weird you out.. The short version is
that I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm transgender.
I'm making changes so I match how I feel on the inside (a guy). I am
sending you an email because I talk better in email, I'm scared to
tell you and I figure this will give you a chance to process. Text me
when you want to talk.

I've never felt right female. And all through elementary I fought it
hard. When there was a boys line and a girls line and I kept getting
in the boys line. When I finally got in enough trouble that I stopped
doing that, I'd try to stand in between the two lines. I did not want
to be in the girls line. I hated all things girly. You know how I am.

When I hit puberty, I just couldn't deny what my body was. I didn't
want it, but I thought I had no choice. I've gone through periods
where I've really tried to be female. I really thought I could learn
that from you. I've been busy dealing with life stuff and my crazy
family and things went down hill for a lot of years. And now they are
getting better but I have still hate my body.  I don't want to live
hating my body anymore and I can't make peace with it. I don't want to
starve or cut or do other stupid ->-bleeped-<- anymore but it keeps coming
back.

I was surfing around on the web and learning about things and started
spending more and more time exploring gender. It wasn't where I
intended to go, but it sure is where I belong. I found a website for
transgender people and I've been happier in the last few months than I
have in a long time.

When I started looking at pictures of female to males and see their
flat chests and body's changed by testosterone, I wanted it so bad it
hurt.  I went out and went shopping. And I had fun! And then I did
more shopping. And had fun! I know, crazy, right? I'm  wearing men's
clothes.  I started binding my chest so it's flat like a guys (sorta).
I love it. That feeling of having a flat chest!  I can look at myself
in the mirror now and like what I see.

Now that I've started down this path, I don't think I can turn back,
but I'm so scared of losing my friends. And I can handle losing other
friends, but losing you scares me to death.  I've finally gotten my
life to a point where it's safe and stable. I asked my therapist, "why
would I want to ->-bleeped-<- this all up". She said, 'you seem so happy
lately". And I am. And I guess I have to trust trust in the friendship
we've had. I get that it will be weird and confusing. It is for me
too. But in a very short time span I've change from someone who hates
shopping, having my picture taken and  hates my body in general to
someone who enjoys those things and is more confident and excited
about the future.

So, I imagine you have a lot to think about and lots of questions. I
can point you towards a book and some other resources. I can answer
questions. I can be patient.

PS- I just like to keep your life interesting.

I love you

[LivingTheDream]

That looks like a really good letter to me. Have you heard back from her yet? Hope it goes well.

[Jessica Merriman]

I hope you get a positive reply and all goes well!

[Sincerely Tegan]

Way to go, Christopher.

That was super-brave of you to click send. Your letter was very well done- it got in there, effectively communicated the message, then wrapped it all up very concisely. Well done.

I hope everything goes well.

Fingers crossed,
Tegan

[Bombadil]

I haven't heard from her. I sent her a text, hours ago, and told her to read her email (I know she doesn't look every day). She said she would when she got home. I'm going nuts. I'm melting. This is so stupid.

[Izla]

I haven't heard from her. I sent her a text, hours ago, and told her to read her email (I know she doesn't look every day). She said she would when she got home. I'm going nuts. I'm melting. This is so stupid.

Hey, I just wanted to say I admire the courage you've shown today.

Also remember, at a time like this when you're anticipating something the seconds will be crawling by, while for your friend the day is probably flying by and her email will not be the first thing on her mind since she won't understand any urgency from your text.

Fingers crossed for you

[Bombadil]

Hey, I just wanted to say I admire the courage you've shown today.

Also remember, at a time like this when you're anticipating something the seconds will be crawling by, while for your friend the day is probably flying by and her email will not be the first thing on her mind since she won't understand any urgency from your text.

Fingers crossed for you

Thank you! And you are right.

I texted her again because I know her and I figured she go busy and forgot to look. Well, I was almost right. She looked and it was no big deal to her and she got busy and forgot to answer. 

Her comment was "took you long enough to figure it out". Not in a judgmental way but in a, it all makes sense way. And her husband's comment was that I already dress like a guy. Other than that, it totally doesn't matter to them.

And for some stupid reason I'm crying big time right now.

[Izla]

Thank you! And you are right.

I texted her again because I know her and I figured she go busy and forgot to look. Well, I was almost right. She looked and it was no big deal to her and she got busy and forgot to answer. 

Her comment was "took you long enough to figure it out". Not in a judgmental way but in a, it all makes sense way. And her husband's comment was that I already dress like a guy. Other than that, it totally doesn't matter to them.

And for some stupid reason I'm crying big time right now.

Awww that's so nice, congratulations! It's ok to have a good cry sometimes and let it out 

[Sincerely Tegan]

Thank you! And you are right.

I texted her again because I know her and I figured she go busy and forgot to look. Well, I was almost right. She looked and it was no big deal to her and she got busy and forgot to answer. 

Her comment was "took you long enough to figure it out". Not in a judgmental way but in a, it all makes sense way. And her husband's comment was that I already dress like a guy. Other than that, it totally doesn't matter to them.

And for some stupid reason I'm crying big time right now.

That is such fantastic news! Of course you're crying- where else will all that tension go otherwise? Let it go, Christopher. Let it all out and breathe. You still have a best friend. I'm so happy for you.

Keep sharing your story. And again, it was a wonderful note.

Cheers,
Tegan

[Amandaww]

Hahah you went straight for the pot in that letter, huh!

I didn't have the courage to say it right away xP , took me about 2 minutes wondering what to say at the moment >_>
But it is great how they took it like "Oh well I knew it already no biggie"

[Ltl89]

Aww, I'm glad it went well!

[Bombadil]

Hahah you went straight for the pot in that letter, huh!

I didn't have the courage to say it right away xP , took me about 2 minutes wondering what to say at the moment >_>
But it is great how they took it like "Oh well I knew it already no biggie"

Well, she is sort of a direct person so I figured I'd be direct.

We are now talking about telling her 16 year old daughter. I've been auntie since she was born and we have a close relationship.

my best friend also offered to tell her bigoted mom, who is visiting right now. since I'm "family" to them I definitely am around the mom and I actually like her if she just wasn't a bigot. Anyway, I think it was awesome my friend offered but I said, no. I told her I'd deal with that. Meh. Not until she's done visiting my friend. I don't want my friend to have to listen to her mom's opinions the whole time she's there.