Being a woman...Part Deux{TRIGGERS}

[Lady_Oracle]

You have to be clever as to how you convey your intelligence to people. Part of it is having good charisma. Absent of gender people do not like to be made to look "stupid". If you approach whatever subject in an appropriate matter and time it right, anyone with a half brain will listen to what you have to say without you receiving abusive feedback. I have yet to experience someone telling me "I'm too smart" I've just learned to pick my battles over time. Most people you'll get through to but there's always those few who are blinded by their own jealousy and self loathing. These people aren't worth even trying to speak your mind to. It's the equivalent of arguing with a drunk. And if you're wondering yes I'am full time and I pass.

Being a woman in this society has enough challenges as it is still, despite this being the 21st century, even more so if you're transgendered. However none of us should hide our intelligence, just to avoid negative feedback. Sometimes you gotta fight back and let your voice be heard.

[Eva Marie]

And it always surprised me how quickly other girls will open up to me about having been raped. I just always viewed it as this thing you never talk about but it's so casually and long accepted as a hazard of being a woman that it's just disgusting.

I had lunch today with a female friend and she was relating some of these same experiences to me as if it was just a thing that is normal for women, and was warning me to be careful in my new role lest it happen to me.

It was shocking for me to hear that

[BunnyBee]

I feel it is so subtle that I feel like if I hadn't experienced both sides I probably wouldn't even recognize that this phenomenon existed.

You have to be clever as to how you convey your intelligence to people. Part of it is having good charisma. Absent of gender people do not like to be made to look "stupid". If you approach whatever subject in an appropriate matter and time it right, anyone with a half brain will listen to what you have to say without you receiving abusive feedback. I have yet to experience someone telling me "I'm too smart" I've just learned to pick my battles over time. Most people you'll get through to but there's always those few who are blinded by their own jealousy and self loathing. These people aren't worth even trying to speak your mind to. It's the equivalent of arguing with a drunk. And if you're wondering yes I'am full time and I pass.

Being a woman in this society has enough challenges as it is still, despite this being the 21st century, even more so if you're transgendered. However none of us should hide our intelligence, just to avoid negative feedback. Sometimes you gotta fight back and let your voice be heard.

Yes maybe it felt so stark in the beginning because I was putting out a different vibe early transition, because I do feel like I navigate things better now.  Idk, so much has changed, I lose track of how things were, or how I was before vs. now.  I think I have always been cognizant of making sure people don't feel lesser though, and I do go out of my way to make people feel better about things they say even when I may not agree with them.

People liking me is very important to me, maybe the most important thing tbh, I think maybe because I have self-confidence issues?  So I just can't be the kind of person that says this person is not worth caring about, because I always care what everybody thinks of me.  Even if they are terrible people.  This is not a good trait, I understand that, but I can't help it.

[Tori]

I would rather be liked than say something intelligent, that will always be true.  And it is subtle, like I never feel like I'm being disliked for saying anything, but that there is just this quiet cooling toward me- and not always, but often enough to make me not want to risk having it happen.  That it is not overt is not a good thing btw.  The subtlety makes it all the more insidious.

That is one of the ways we differ. I would rather be liked for my intelligence than liked for not sharing it.

We like what we like, and, like it or not, others choose if they like us based upon what they like.

[Tori]

Also, now that this has shifted into a rape and violence thread, I suppose it would look better with a trigger warning.

[xponentialshift]

You have to be clever as to how you convey your intelligence to people. Part of it is having good charisma. Absent of gender people do not like to be made to look "stupid". If you approach whatever subject in an appropriate matter and time it right, anyone with a half brain will listen to what you have to say without you receiving abusive feedback. I have yet to experience someone telling me "I'm too smart" I've just learned to pick my battles over time. Most people you'll get through to but there's always those few who are blinded by their own jealousy and self loathing. These people aren't worth even trying to speak your mind to. It's the equivalent of arguing with a drunk. And if you're wondering yes I'am full time and I pass.

Being a woman in this society has enough challenges as it is still, despite this being the 21st century, even more so if you're transgendered. However none of us should hide our intelligence, just to avoid negative feedback. Sometimes you gotta fight back and let your voice be heard.

I need to work on this. I have been told at work that I should give my opinion more often, but whenever I do I get told to stop acting like I know more than other people. So I stop giving my opinion and the cycle starts over. Once I come out and start to transition I can only imagine how much worse the reactions will be to any input I give...

[Tori]

I need to work on this. I have been told at work that I should give my opinion more often, but whenever I do I get told to stop acting like I know more than other people. So I stop giving my opinion and the cycle starts over. Once I come out and start to transition I can only imagine how much worse the reactions will be to any input I give...

And that is the crux of it. It is why I struggle, "Agreeing" with the thesis of threads like this, in spite of their accuracy. They can be self-defeating. If y'all get convinced by the likes of us, that women and trans women's opinions are not as valued as men's, then y'all will be even less unlikely to share your opinion. And if that happens, we too are casting the negative influence upon ourselves, not just men.

People used to think I was a man. Did that make me smarter or them dumber? Not worth worrying my pretty little brain. Thinking gives me wrinkles.

[Nero]

Also, now that this has shifted into a rape and violence thread, I suppose it would look better with a trigger warning.

Sorry, that was my fault. Sometimes I just get so upset how women are treated and it all starts to run together for me.

[sad panda]

Sorry, that was my fault. Sometimes I just get so upset how women are treated and it all starts to run together for me.

I don't think you were going off topic though. That's the sad part. Rape is just a plain old women's issue. At least somebody wants to talk about it.

[Evelyn K]

I'm still a noob. What does "trigger" in the trans context even mean?

[sad panda]

I'm still a noob. What does "trigger" in the trans context even mean?

It's just a warning that this thread contains stuff/topics that may be difficult and emotional for some people, so people who are a little on edge or just don't want to talk about negative things right now can avoid it.

[Tori]

Yeah, it means the same as in non trans context. A trigger may make something or someone go off.

There are some people here, who really struggle coping with the topics of rape and violence in particular. Women are more vulnerable to such abuse, and often enough, trans women are no exception, in fact trans women are more likely than women in general to be in such a situation. Trans minorities have the most depressing statistics.

I know, I have been beaten to a pulp, had one ankle sprained and the other heel fractured just for coming out to the wrong person, and I am a lesbian, I was no threat to his sexuality or his masculinity. Also, like many other women, I did not report him to the authorities for fear it would make things worse.

Talking about it now, is no problem to me. Neither is reading about others. I can understand why it triggers people though.

[Allyda]

You have to be clever as to how you convey your intelligence to people. Part of it is having good charisma. Absent of gender people do not like to be made to look "stupid". If you approach whatever subject in an appropriate matter and time it right, anyone with a half brain will listen to what you have to say without you receiving abusive feedback. I have yet to experience someone telling me "I'm too smart" I've just learned to pick my battles over time. Most people you'll get through to but there's always those few who are blinded by their own jealousy and self loathing. These people aren't worth even trying to speak your mind to. It's the equivalent of arguing with a drunk. And if you're wondering yes I'am full time and I pass.

Being a woman in this society has enough challenges as it is still, despite this being the 21st century, even more so if you're transgendered. However none of us should hide our intelligence, just to avoid negative feedback. Sometimes you gotta fight back and let your voice be heard.

This pretty much sums it up for me and how I handle these situations. I too am full time and I pass and have experienced many of the controversy's in this thread. Especially working in the marine repair field part time. Being a male dominated field I've lost more than a few customers when I've shown up to work on their boat and they saw I am female. Alot of men still find it hard to let a woman work on and fix their boat.

As to the rape issue. Yes, I believe it does belong in this thread for the danger to us as women is very real. Awareness is probably our best defense against something like this happening. Also, knowing what to do if you are attacked could go a long way in keeping you alive in the worse case scenario.

[sad panda]

*gives everyone a big ol' good luck kiss for another round*

Personal: I grounded me and decided i'm gonna stay as a girl for now. I'm over this stuff. What made me want to be a woman in the end? Idk, status quo. And being a boy is still hard if it doesn't fit you i guess.  When I put all the endless questioning aside, I'm butting my head up against a line I crossed for a reason and maybe i don't even fit back on the other side again. Maybe I never had that anyway. And It ain't perfect over here either but I'm just living it day by day.

Ya know, on paper I don't know how it all works out really, it's clearly worse to be a woman, if you could choose which role you fit in. But it's also special in a way that being a boy will never quite be, huh? We work so hard for who we are, i mean cis and trans girls alike, we give so much of ourselves, and no matter what we are valued for... we got class. We are beautiful in a different way too. Something boys will never quite own. It's harder, and maybe it's not even worth it, but we are who we are, even if we're just borrowing words to describe it. That's my vibe right now.

[Allyda]

Even with all the difficulties and heartache, misery, sorrow, and surviving two of the darkest hours of my life to get here, I'm proud, very proud to be a woman, and of the woman I have become. Yes I still have my VFS, and SRS/GRS surgeries left to go before I'm completely her in the physical sense. But in every other aspect I'm today the woman I was always meant to be. And I wouldn't trade being her for anything. Sure I still have some emotional growing to do like alot of the rest of us. I'll grow as me out in the open, not some fake pretending and hiding myself away.

[sam79]

I need to work on this. I have been told at work that I should give my opinion more often, but whenever I do I get told to stop acting like I know more than other people. So I stop giving my opinion and the cycle starts over. Once I come out and start to transition I can only imagine how much worse the reactions will be to any input I give...

If your workplace is like mine, my opinions steadily lost grip after I came out ( male mode ). After workplace transition, my opinions were basically ignored. Although I gather that has more to do with being trans rather than being female.