Regarding that awkward stage some have posted about here, I myself suffered through that stage all my life until around five years ago when for whatever reason still unknown to me I could no longer pass for male anymore. Many times as a kid I was gendered female upon meeting new people until my adopted parents corrected them. And throughout adolescence and late teens, 20's, 30's in checkout lines, etc. I'd hear them questioning whether I was male or female. In
W.Va. I was referred to as a hermophrodite (excuse spelling), or a Lesbian, or Gay, or worse terms more times than I can count. It didn't matter whether my hair was long or short, whether I was dressed in full camo or flannel. I never had enough facial hair to grow a beard and I had no mustache at all. I've known I was a girl all my life since my earliest memmories and have wanted to transition, but had to put it off for one reason or another. I prayed and prayed the awkwardness would end as I got older thinking surely when I got older I'd look less feminine. How very wrong I was. Then at the age of 40 though I didn't know it at the time for some reason my body started becoming more feminine. Of course I didn't see it but The comments slowly over the next few years subsided and in checkout lines, drive thru's, bank's, Wal-Mart's and other stores, etc to my surprise I was being gendered female. Of course I was happy over this but along with it came the loss of some of my hair in patches on the top left side of my head. At the age of 45 I began searching for doctors who could help me get started on hrt and since I could no longer pass for male. Even having no luck at the time, I threw out all my clothes and bought a new wardrobe in all female sizes. Since I'd worn women's clothes here and there throughout the years I knew my size, and it was fitting for I'd just bought my current home in this new neighborhood then at the time where all my new neighbors considered me a single woman. With my new wardrobe, a wardrobe I'd always wanted I began living full time as female though I did eventually as I got to know them told my neighbors I was trans.
To fast forward from this point to 4 months ago because of certain dark feelings from my past resurfacing triggered by the hair loss which worried me daily I became tired of begging my then PC Doc to help me. I did my research, ordered the meds I needed and on December 28th I took my first dose of hrt meds. I had joined Susan's here prior to that while I anxiously awaited my meds to arrive, and began meeting the family here. 3 days after my 1st dose of hrt meds my hair loss halted abruptly and began reversing. I felt invigorated like I've been starving for these meds all my life, and those dark thoughts I mentioned earlier vanished. Now over 3 months and 2 weeks in I'm still happy, still feel 30 years younger and I haven't looked back. I now have an excellent and experienced Endo monitoring and administering my hrt, and I'm on the path toward my SRS/GRS after the "mones" have worked their magic.
This is the condensed version of my life of 49 years as a transgender woman minus many dark and hurtful also abusive, and self destructive instances that are irrelevant to this thread. I just wanted you girls to know I understand the awkward stage of transition all too well, for I've lived it most of my life, from my childhood up until I was around 43-44 years old I heard the snickering, the comments, and the questioning behind my back in checkout lines, even Disney World as a kid. It was very hard to deal with when I was young but after a while I got used to it, heck, I even had some fun with it a few times when I was a teenager, lol!, and just lived as me despite the wishes of my adopted father who wanted me to lift weights, etc., to in his words, give me some shoulders and arms. I suffered alot of heartache to get where I am now and ironically it took my own body somewhat feminizing on it's own to finally make me say "dam the torpedoes and what other people think," and begin my full transition.
The awkward stages of transition will pass for each and every one of you. The questioning in the checkout lines will slowly subside and soon you'll be just another girl in line waiting like everyone else. What helped me through all those awkward years is I didn't let other peoples ideas of who I should be, or their snide comments change my core identity.
I hope my story has helped some of you, and I sincerely hope your awkward stages pass by quickly.
Ally
