I wrote an article where I reveal my history!

[mandonlym]

I was being a little paranoid about having my account associated with my real identity but eff it. The article is called, "Coming Out Doesn't Even Begin to Describe It":

http://prospect.org/article/%E2%80%99coming-out%E2%80%99-doesn%E2%80%99t-begin-describe-it-message-trans-survivor

Let me know what you think! A lot of the ideas in the article were influenced by me being on this board.

[missy1992]

I really liked your article

The personal freedom to love and be loved does not accompany "coming out" as trans in the same way that "coming out" does for gays and lesbians. Instead of opening the door to a world of potential partners, going public as transgender often prompts many who had previously seen us as a potential object of love to view us as no longer worthy of their affections

survivor[/url]
This quote really resonated with me. It is almost like a constant battle. In my every day life I am stealth because I don't feel like dealing with all the ignorance around me. I'll tackle that when I am older and more established.

Thanks for adding to the education process of the muggles!

[mandonlym]

I really liked your article survivor[/url]
This quote really resonated with me. It is almost like a constant battle. In my every day life I am stealth because I don't feel like dealing with all the ignorance around me. I'll tackle that when I am older and more established.

Thanks for adding to the education process of the muggles!

Thanks! If it makes you feel better the revelation doesn't seem to have affected people's desire to sleep with me (the bf and I are dating nonexclusively). So yay.

[DiDi]

Congratulations on this publication and thank you. Unfortunately the Fox News types (Sun News types here in Canada) don't read that magazine. But it will surely nudge a few more left of centre readers tho think a little harder.

[stephaniec]

very well done

[f_Anna_tastic]

Congratulations on the article, I enjoyed reading it.  It also gave me some food for thought

[TerriT]

That was a thoughtful article. I have my disagreements but I certainly enjoyed your work.

[jussmoi4nao]

Awesomeness, I really enjoyed your writing!

[Ms Grace]

Congrats. Great article - personally though I would struggle to consider myself a "survivor", maybe because it is used in conduction with instances of abuse, violence, disease, addiction,  etc. But I do agree that our "true" gender gets called into question and I liked the reflection on how many in the audience were interested in dating Rocero before and and after her outing.

(BTW, your article calls her Geena but the photo caption says Grace!)

[Cindy]

Nice.

Very well done.

My congratulations Sister

Oh and give your BF a massive hug, a man above men.

[mandonlym]

Thanks so much everyone. *Please* let's discuss your disagreements. I'll probably write future articles on some of these issues so it's nice to have trans women to talk to about them.

Grace the association with traumatic events is deliberate. Even though our identities and experiences vary, I think it's important to find a term and a way of thinking that can work for large swaths of us, even if our own individual experiences are different.

If it were just to describe myself, I would probably use a more empowered term. But there's this huge rift between the stealth and out communities and using "survivor" for me is one way to find common ground. There are some people who think of trans as a traumatic event that they want to forget, and others as a source of pride and a significant part of our lives. I'm hoping to find ways to bring those two factions closer together.

And Abby (and everyone), my sister has just convinced me to put a fashion section on my blog (aselfmadewoman.com) so watch out for that. I'll be shooting at least an outfit a week!

Cindy, thanks so much. And yes, Josh is a total sweetheart. He's been really incredible throughout the process of writing the piece, lending his support and being a great ear around issues of trans rejection. I'm lucky to have found him.

[Ms Grace]

I'd be more likely to call myself a "gender survivor"...

[TerriT]

"In the gay community, "coming out" serves not only a vital political function—it allows gays and lesbians to advocate for civil rights and be a visible part of an established minority group..."

I don't understand why you need to be out to advocate for a position. It implies that somehow everyone who isn't gay is on one side while everyone who is gay is on the other, and that only by coming out can you be an advocate for a position. People don't need to live "X" life in order to understand position "X".

"Being public allows us to be much more effective advocates for transgender rights, and allows those who are contemplating transition to have a broader and more representative range of role models."

I disagree that being stealthily passable but maintaining a public trans identity makes anyone a "more effective" advocate. My friends who don't pass at all are effective advocates and they certainly aren't interested in assistance from someone with a higher public profile. They do just fine representing a range of role models and I guess I think that it's a bit condescending to assume they do.

Those were the 2 passages that stuck out to me. I much more appreciated your own experiences and I agree with the overall message. I just didn't agree with the generalizations and identity politic stuff. But I think there is a huge difference between coming out after you are super stealth and nobody would expect it versus coming out before/during transition and how there can be wildly different reactions between those circumstances.

[MadeleineG]

Well written and poignant. Congratulations on the pub.

[mandonlym]

OMG 1k likes you guys. The last journal article I wrote was downloaded by seven people.

This is officially coming out later today but I just made it public in anticipation. It's called "I Didn't Know I Was a Boy":

https://medium.com/p/bd320108f834

[mandonlym]

I don't understand why you need to be out to advocate for a position. It implies that somehow everyone who isn't gay is on one side while everyone who is gay is on the other, and that only by coming out can you be an advocate for a position. People don't need to live "X" life in order to understand position "X".

I think it's a pretty big stretch to get that I'm implying there are two sides from that quote. Of course straight people can be lgbt allies but I'm willing to bet that if you survey people who donate to lgbt organizations or members of lgbt groups, the vast majority of them are lgbt themselves or have close friends/family members who are lgbt. Also, I've heard from at least three stealth friends who personally praised me but are not sharing the article on their FB or talking about their support publicly for fear of being suspected. I'm not arguing that it's impossible to be an advocate as a closeted person, just that out people can do this much more effectively.

"Being public allows us to be much more effective advocates for transgender rights, and allows those who are contemplating transition to have a broader and more representative range of role models."

I disagree that being stealthily passable but maintaining a public trans identity makes anyone a "more effective" advocate. My friends who don't pass at all are effective advocates and they certainly aren't interested in assistance from someone with a higher public profile. They do just fine representing a range of role models and I guess I think that it's a bit condescending to assume they do.

One can "be public" both willingly or not, so I'm not counting the "visibly" trans as not belonging to the group that isn't public. Also, any single person who reveals herself as trans that people don't know is trans broadens the range of role models for people. I treat that as a fact and I don't understand the assumption of condescension around that.

I'm not galloping on my white horse and saving the poor un-passable trans people. I'm simply lending my voice to the discussion and publicly being one of the many people who count themselves as trans, and I'm having to do that within a framework of disclosure since people in my daily life don't know unless I disclose, to an extent that I was pretty unaware of actually. I kinda thought a bunch of my friends, especially the queer ones, knew and were just respecting my privacy. But I guess not.

[Nero]

OMG 1k likes you guys. The last journal article I wrote was downloaded by seven people.

This is officially coming out later today but I just made it public in anticipation. It's called "I Didn't Know I Was a Boy":

https://medium.com/p/bd320108f834

That's really interesting about the pronouns. Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed learning more about you and seeing your family! Adorable pics. 

And Abby (and everyone), my sister has just convinced me to put a fashion section on my blog (aselfmadewoman.com) so watch out for that. I'll be shooting at least an outfit a week!

Looking forward to this too!

[MadeleineG]

That's really interesting about the pronouns.

Agreed. Language does shape worldview.

[TerriT]

I think it's a pretty big stretch to get that I'm implying there are two sides from that quote. Of course straight people can be lgbt allies but I'm willing to bet that if you survey people who donate to lgbt organizations or members of lgbt groups, the vast majority of them are lgbt themselves or have close friends/family members who are lgbt. Also, I've heard from at least three stealth friends who personally praised me but are not sharing the article on their FB or talking about their support publicly for fear of being suspected. I'm not arguing that it's impossible to be an advocate as a closeted person, just that out people can do this much more effectively.

One can "be public" both willingly or not, so I'm not counting the "visibly" trans as not belonging to the group that isn't public. Also, any single person who reveals herself as trans that people don't know is trans broadens the range of role models for people. I treat that as a fact and I don't understand the assumption of condescension around that.

I'm not galloping on my white horse and saving the poor un-passable trans people. I'm simply lending my voice to the discussion and publicly being one of the many people who count themselves as trans, and I'm having to do that within a framework of disclosure since people in my daily life don't know unless I disclose, to an extent that I was pretty unaware of actually. I kinda thought a bunch of my friends, especially the queer ones, knew and were just respecting my privacy. But I guess not.

Well, ok, I won't bother with reading or responding to your future articles if you just want to argue with me and I'm sorry I challenged any of your points.

Good luck with your writings.

[mandonlym]

Well, ok, I won't bother with reading or responding to your future articles if you just want to argue with me and I'm sorry I challenged any of your points.

Good luck with your writings.

I see this as a conversation. I accept your reactions and am voicing my opinion about them. That's how people learn from each other. Apologies if my comments came off as dismissive but they were not intended that way. My intention was to clarify and address some of the issues you were expressing.