I'm embarrassed

[MbutF]

Sweetie, if your body is not yours then it's not yours. That's all there needs to be to it. You don't need to justify wanting to match the self-image you have of yourself. Heck, you could have the body of Adonis, the wealth of ages, be successful in any field you care to mention... have all the trappings of a seemingly perfect life but in the end... if it's not you then it's not you.

Thank you, On the outside, most people don't have a clue (but I know some people have their doubts), they look at what I am on the outside, and they can't really see a problem, I don't blame them.

Why can't you be happy being a man? Because if you don't feel you're a man then it's like trying to walk in sneakers two sizes too small because they're the latest hot thing. The fact that everyone thinks they're awesome doesn't make them hurt you any less.

That was well put. It's just most people can't see it your way (or our way).

*huggles*

Thanks, lol.

You really don't have anything to be embarrassed about, hon. You want to be yourself. We all want that. And there's nothing wrong with wanting that. The disconnect and dysphoria hurts. It just does. No matter how many people say you should just accept what you have and make the most of it. Even when you think that yourself. It still hurts. Because the problem is more fundamental than what you have in your life... it stems from who you are in your heart.

You just want to be you. And need an outlet to express how that feels. We all need support sometimes, sweetie. Everyone. It's not attention seeking, it's asking for help. And that is not a weakness, it's a strength.

awww, you're very sweet. your reply made me sort of take off my fake mask, and feel at ease expressing my sensitive, soft side. thank you. Hugs to you too.

[MbutF]

MbutF, hugs, you are among friends that walk the same path.

I bear my innermost thoughts here and get support and welcoming.

When I did an intake I met the 1st person who provided welcoming and understanding of how I feel. My gender therapist was the second person. I came out to a bunch of people (2 last week) and all were accepting to welcoming, except one who tolerates (my wife).

I had the war in my head too, the who I am (her) and the who others knew (him). The battles were endless and got progressively worse, till the last battle. I ended the war and she won! But I did it with a lot of work and help. I was embarrassed, scared and nervous but persisted.

After 13 months I am entering into the early pride phase, my identity is growing and I know what I want. I feel pretty good about myself and I want to be aligned, mind and body.

Caution about the videos, take 5 years and compress it to 2 minutes and you miss 5 years of work and growth. What you do not see is how it feels.

That war in my head, 'him' is such a meanie to 'her'. He is unfair and wants to keep 'her' suppressed if you know what I mean. The She inside me needs to train and get stronger, lol. (I don't even know what I'm saying )

I'm at ease with myself right now, pretty soon I'll read my own posts, and think 'What had gotten in to me when I wrote that ?'

Yes, I will heed your caution about the videos. They don't show a lot more than they do show.

[Rachel]

That war in my head, 'him' is such a meanie to 'her'. He is unfair and wants to keep 'her' suppressed if you know what I mean. The She inside me needs to train and get stronger, lol. (I don't even know what I'm saying )

There is nothing that could be said to me I did not say to myself thousands of times to make myself feel bad about wanting to be myself. I understand why I felt so bad about myself now. I have 4 positive mantras now and it works

I am transgender.
I embrace my gender.
I embrace my truth.

I am transgender.
My mind and body are aligned.
I am loving, caring and female.

I am transgender.
I am a whole person.
I have a lot of confidence in myself.

I am transgender.
I am a whole person.
I deserve respect.

[Avery.u2205]

I hope you're okay today. Reading your description was like reading a list of my own thoughts. By the way, I've just started with a gender therapist and she is Amazing!

[Alyssa Rae]

That war in my head, 'him' is such a meanie to 'her'. He is unfair and wants to keep 'her' suppressed if you know what I mean. The She inside me needs to train and get stronger, lol.

i bet it's a heck of a battle too.  I know mine is.  The best way I can describe mine, is the final kamehameha battle between cell and gohan.  I'm really in need of that "now's your chance!" Moment, lol.  Pretty obscure (and to most people, probably ridiculous) reference, but it's spot on for me.

[MbutF]

Thanks for all the replies, people.... you've been very supportive... 

[MbutF]

i bet it's a heck of a battle too.  I know mine is.  The best way I can describe mine, is the final kamehameha battle between cell and gohan.  I'm really in need of that "now's your chance!" Moment, lol.  Pretty obscure (and to most people, probably ridiculous) reference, but it's spot on for me.

FINALLY, someone puts it in words I can understand! (just kidding... lol)

I love Dragon Ball Z!

Wonder what I'd wish for if I had the seven dragon balls?

[Alyssa Rae]

FINALLY, someone puts it in words I can understand! (just kidding... lol)

I love Dragon Ball Z!

Wonder what I'd wish for if I had the seven dragon balls?

hmmm.....I wonder if you find them, save that second wish for me!