So there's this girl...

[Annaiyah]

So there's this girl I used to go to school with for my senior high school year (2008-2009 school year), I thought she was beautiful and really pretty to look at, granted, I never really had a crush on her but I thought she was quite gorgeous. We will call her Kalya to protect her privacy and mine, plus I don't wanna keep saying "that girl" etc.

But anyway, this girl was such a jerk to me. She seems to hate me for some reason I just can't put my finger on. Maybe there was something about me that just gets under her skin because mind you, i did not a thing to this girl to make her hate me. Hell, Kayla and I barely even know each other! But she would say mean things to me and get smart with me when I would just ask her a BLOODY QUESTION! One time I sat in her seat in class by mistake and she and her friend came to me, and Kayla told me to get the **** out of her seat. I was shocked and stunned! I did leave without incident so it wouldn't escalate. But like I said, Kayla was just such a bitch to me. I was a bit heartbroken because if she was nice to me i would've liked to be friends with her at the very least. We had homeroom and English class together the whole year and those were my last times seeing her except...

Outside of school, I did see Kayla when I was with my friend on the train. I was telling my male friend who I was with about Kayla and he kind of liked her (or at least i thought so) so my friend and I kept calling out at her but she wouldn't answer us. Either she was off in her own little world or she was ignoring us both.

This is where the trans stuff starts
I did run into Kayla at the train terminal one time back in November. I was garbed in women's clothing. I mention that because Kayla knew me as a guy, when she and I went to school together. When she and I ran into each other back in November, she saw I was in women's clothing when I tried to sit next to her at the waiting bench. I wasn't going to say anything to her because i had hoped she wouldn't recognize me. But she looked up at me and gave me a dirty look. I smiled it off and walked away but I regret not saying anything because I wish I would've said to her "Oh, well I recognize you too, bitch!" So I can fight fire with fire, though I liked her and wanted to be friends with her. So then I should've said, "Oh, you hate me? Well I love you too... bitch..." in my girl voice of course. I don't think the dirty look was out of transphobia but just because she seems to hate me in general.

Well, that being said, if you happen to be reading this for some reason, Kayla, and know what I'm writing (which I'm sure you do) about I at least thank you for not clocking me! *fake smile* Oh, and you're welcome for me not posting your real name. *another fake smile*

Then the VERY NEXT DAY I saw Kayla on the train on my way to the shopping trip. I don't think she saw me or if she did she didn't give me any dirty looks or say anything too me. But when I was about to get off the train, I sat in a seat near her... I was KIND OF wondering/hoping she'd say something to me. And yes, I was in girl mode then too. She appeared to not have saw me or she ignored me. I got off at the same stop she got off at and she and I went our separate ways and went home.

But get this!!!!
Today (on 4/17/14) I think I saw Kayla!!!! 
I was on the trolley on the way to school and she got on the trolley a couple of stops after me! I paniced because I was in boy mode! I couldn't wear my girl clothes because I had to go to school today!  Damn! I never want Kayla to see me in guy mode! The scary thing was that she was sitting so that she was facing me! Luckily I had a hoody on so I put up my hood and kept staring at my phone for as long as I could so she wouldn't see me. Push come to shove, if she ever say anything to me I could tell Kayla I have an identical twin brother/sister who looks just like me, though I really don't.


This sounds rather silly but since Kayla and I have our frequent run-ins I wanted her to see that I am transitioning, that I'm becoming a girl. Not out of hopes that she will stop being mean to me but... I don't know actually... I kind of still like this girl (not romantically) so for some reason I don't know myself, I want her to see that I'm now a girl (well, maybe she saw my Adam's Apple and I'm not on mones yet so maybe she sees my face -- which was blanketed with makeup -- is still male so maybe that's how she knew it was me.)

This may or may not sound silly but I really wanted Kayla to know (without telling her) that I am now a girl but I didn't start HRT yet I'm just going part-time. Shall I just... leave Kayla alone completely and move on to other girls? I'm not sure what to do! My cover probably has been blown! Ugh....

What do you guys thing?

Oh, sorry for any errors or anything in here that doesn't make sense, I am rushing because I have a bus to catch.

[Ms Grace]

Move on. Or at least wait until you fully transition and don't have to keep switching between modes. She may not be saying anything to your face but seems like the type that would have plenty to say to her gal pals later. If you continue sitting next to her in girl mode, even if she acts like she doesn't know you, it's not going to make the two of you friends, more likely she'll think you're stalking her.

[Rachel85]

I tend to agree with Grace, probably best to let her go and do her own thing and try ignore her.

I don't know her from a bar of soap but by the sounds of it again, like Grace said, she does sound like someone that may not be so confidential about things or be exactly sensitive to someone going through a tough patch like transitioning.

I knew a number of people like that at school and later uni, I woudn't stop to talk to them in the street even if they recognised me, then or now.

Besides, there are many more women out there in the world worth talking to and meeting

[Ltl89]

I would listen to what Rachel and Grace said.  I don't know her or your situation, but I'm not getting the vibe that a relationship is in formation or that this is the ideal situation for you.  Sorry, I just don't want you to get hurt. 

[Ducks]

The best revenge is living well.  Have a great life and forget her!

[Annaiyah]

You know something? You guys are right. If all she seems to want to do is be rude to me and give me dirty looks just for doing so much as drifting into her atmosphere, then she's not worth it anymore, or ever at all for that matter. After all, I'm transitioning because I want to, not for her.

But as an aside, I thought that it'd be interesting that if only Kayla actually took the time to get to know me, she'd know about me being transgender, and that I'm transitioning. But when my transition is done, I will be surprised if she even recognizes who the hell i am!

But like you all said, to Hell with her and what she thinks of my transition. I'm doing this (transitioning) for me and me only, not for her.

[HoneyStrums]

Move on. Or at least wait until you fully transition and don't have to keep switching between modes. She may not be saying anything to your face but seems like the type that would have plenty to say to her gal pals later. If you continue sitting next to her in girl mode, even if she acts like she doesn't know you, it's not going to make the two of you friends, more likely she'll think you're stalking her.

Yeah its not fun to cope with but Grace is right on the dot here. Definatelly move on. Its for the best.

[ChelseaAnn]

If you don't mind my opinion, you say that you sort of like this girl, I'm assuming as a friend. Perhaps those feelings you have are because you see her as a challenge. Like, "hey, you are nasty to me as a guy, but let me see if we can be friends if I'm a girl." That might be looking into it a bit much, but it's just a theory.